Kicking Perfection to the Curb

Mother’s Day is today in the US. It’s a day that is awesome but brings up a lot of challenging emotions for many, even those who have an amazing mom, family and/or kids to celebrate and enjoy. The message I’ve been getting loud and clear that moms (and their kids) need to know this Mother’s Day is simple: worry less about being perfect.

Perfection is definitely one of the topics that frustrates me the most in all areas of life, because it can be so easy to get caught up in attempts to achieve perfection and miss out on so much of life as a result. I think what frustrates me most about it though is that it’s so close to impossible to even reach perfection yet it gets held out to us like this gold standard instead of the ready-for-the-trash-heap concept it really is. It’s so seductive to have that voice in your head telling you that ‘of course there’s perfect’ and ‘wouldn’t it be so nice if you made this perfect?’ but that voice is so wrong and leads you down bad trails that those who are addicts are very familiar with.

Instead, when it comes to being a mom or having a mom, we should let the focus be on love, community, compassion, potential and family. Of course we need to teach our kids right from wrong, do our best to shape them into productive and contributing adults, and teach them to believe in themselves and their capabilities. And sometimes we need to let forgiveness, grace, compassion and love shape all our familial relationships, because sometimes doing “stuff” isn’t enough, and we need to let our hearts take the lead. So this Mother’s Day (and every day) know that it’s OK to not be perfect and to tell that little voice in your head to go away because you’re busy living and loving with your family.

Following Women Who Made History

March is Women’s History Month and I am thankful that so many women have stepped up in history and paved the way for all the women including myself who are running or leading a business today. The thing I have been coming back to time and again this month as I’ve thought about some of the women in history who are well known and others who aren’t is that, and the women who are leading and making a difference today is that they’re not afraid to connect the fact that they’re a woman with the work they do. Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first female medical doctor, Rosa Parks was a black woman who wanted a seat on a bus, Althea Gibson was one of the first Black women athletes to play tennis internationally, Amelia Earhart is the first woman to cross the Atlantic in an airplane, Betty White, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Marie Curie, Harriet Tubman, Helen Keller, Marilyn Monroe, Julia Child, Abigail Adams, and the list goes on of women who never let the world forget that just as talented and capable as they were, they were also women.

Over the past few decades it’s developed beyond just celebrating the fact that you’re a talented woman, and especially recently, women who are leaders are embracing and including the things they love, not just the things that make them acceptable in the business world to their male counterparts. For example a cooking tool that might have been just considered utilitarian and thus was only ever created and sold in basic colors (if that) now can have festive prints on it that the woman who designed them loves and knows her customers will love too. Women are designing and selling a wide range of health and beauty products that are more individualized and aren’t just the handful of universal products that have only been available to choose from historically. Not only are women making huge strides in sports in terms of equality and recognition compared to their male counterparts, more consideration and effort is now put into training and appearance for women and not just replicating what the male athletes do and wear. And then we’ve got the business world where women are bringing their whole selves to being the leaders the company and world needs, and not just being women who lead exactly like men.

So where does all of this leave us as the next generation of women leaders working on what will some day be history? First I think it sets a high bar for us because of what women did in the past with far less than we have access to and available to us now. Second, it should greatly encourage us that if they could do it, because there are so many more options and possibilities available to us today, we’ve got an even better chance of doing well and embracing all the things that make us who we are. Finally, it means we’re in really good company with so many other women both in history and alive today who have lived with courage and commitment to themselves, their families and the future of our world. Who are the women in history who have inspired you as a leader?

Perspectives for Success

Today is International Women’s Day. March is also Women’s History Month, the Paralympic Games are going on right now, and as you probably remember February was Black History Month. Why do we put so much focus on highlighting these individuals and groups each year? Why can’t we just be “colorblind” or “sex blind” and let anyone who wants to do good things for our planet? One of the reasons why we should continue to make sure that these individuals and groups are included and given the ability to have an impact is because of one of my favorite things: perspective.

It’s when everyone is given a real voice and a real opportunity to contribute, that we’re able to really understand how different things impact different people, why different people need different things, or what might be missing from a conversation or project or action. Sure one [uniform] group or person can do research to find out cold, hard data about what people might think or need or even ask people to fill out surveys about a topic, but that can never replicate what a truly diverse group of people can do when they work together.

Of course one of the most important things to remember here is that people actually have to care about what the other people they share this world with have to say or how things affect them in order for other people to get a seat at the table. Let’s use a non-person example to discuss this: let’s say the decision has been made by the boss of the local ice cream shop that the only ice cream they’ll sell will be vanilla, chocolate and strawberry because they’re the best and “everyone” likes at least one of them, so there’s no need to make any other varieties (let alone 31+ flavors that some ice cream shops sell). And to an extent, the boss would be right that most people do like one or more of those 3 flavors, but that’s not the whole story and chances are that if they were to expand to even 10 flavors that their community most loves they could increase their profits, more people would shop with them, and they would probably have more people interested in working there to help make ice cream too. The question is does this boss really care about their customers and are they really passionate about ice cream, or are they happy to just get by on average and status-quo?

The more we open ourselves up to the world, the more we learn how others see things, the more we learn how others are affected by things, the more willing we are to be creative, the more willing we are to do things differently, and the more we’re willing to take into consideration the other people we share this world with, the more fulfilling our success will be, the more depth our success can have, the more fun we can have, the more cool stories we can hear, and the more potential our future has to be a happy, healthy and exciting one. What perspectives have you opened up to recently?

Women of the Future

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, today I thought I’d share a few thoughts on raising a women in 2019 and beyond, and what that might look like, and how we can support the future generation of women in being the best they can be.

Encourage them to explore their passions, but not be completely ignorant. So if your girls want to play with dolls, they should. If they want to build with Legos, they should. If they want to cook, they should. So while you should let them choose their passion, that doesn’t mean you should skip teaching them the skills of cleaning, planning, organizing, finances, healing, using tools, cooking and anything else that will help them with the things they need to be adults. I grew up at a time when Home EC wasn’t really a thing, that we were leaving some of those shop-type classes that taught people skills that everyone should really have some awareness of that helps us become more rounded individuals culturally. It’s about helping them be as educated and well-rounded as they can be.

Encourage them to have friends, teachers and role models of both genders. I think it’s important that we’re all able to have healthy relationships with all types of people, that we’re able to start up and have polite conversation with just about anyone we meet, for girls to see what healthy romantic relationships look like, how to be successful in all areas of life, and how to protect themselves whether we’re talking a violent guy/girl on the street or a cutthroat boardroom executive. Girls/women can’t learn that from just women alone, it has to be a team effort.

Finally, I would encourage you to teach them to love. Men are capable of love, but there’s something that’s inherently female about love. We’re able to add that softness and vulnerability that men often have trouble reaching and sharing. Women have been taught through experiences and from others that maybe love isn’t a great thing, but I’d argue that it’s one of the most important things in the world. So along with all the skills, experiences, abilities and opportunities, I would encourage you to expose your girl to love and the amazing impact and benefit that love can have on an individual and on the world we share.

Women can and should be celebrated every day, we play a big part in contributing to the future of the world, and with happier, healthier, more courageous, more educated women, the future will be a better place for all of us. What are you celebrating about women today?

Lessons from Women Leaders

This being Women’s History Month I thought we’d take a look at a few lessons that we can learn from some of the women leaders.

1-Women can do just about anything.  We’ve flown, we’ve ruled, we’ve created, we’ve invented.  There will be obstacles and you may be ahead of your time, but there’s very little you can’t do.

2-Be curious.  Just about every woman who is well known asks lots of questions, talks with lots of people, does lots of reading, attends seminars or tries new things.  You can’t become better if you don’t explore the world and discover what you don’t know.

3-It’s OK to be emotional.  Yes, this is something we get picked on for all the time.  It’s pretty much expected that we’re the more emotional person.  However, it does give us an edge over the men who just see things in black and white and can’t relate to the more human side of things.

4-Don’t be afraid to follow the (however old fashioned) rules.  You can be an amazing mother or caretaker and be a great leader.  Look at Mother Teresa, she was in charity work and took care of people yet she has always been highly regarded.

5-Age doesn’t matter. You can be a leader whether you’re 7, 17 or 70.  You just have to inspire those around you.

Women have been leaders for thousands of years, from the times of Ancient Egypt until now.  The one thing that hasn’t been conquered very well yet is the tendency to judge the failures of women very harshly.  For whatever reason our failures get us in big trouble and as a result the statement “that’s why women aren’t in leadership” still pops up.  It’s unfortunate and it will take time to get everyone to the point when failure isn’t the dirtiest word in the book for either men or women.

What lessons have women in leadership taught you?

Brave New World

On this anniversary of the 19th Amendment being ratified, I think it is appropriate to remember what the past 90 years have helped us all accomplish.

This greatly increased the ability of women to do more things and be more things.  This, among other pro-women movements have helped women to pass many men in salaries, to give them the opportunity to hold powerful positions, and to have a strong, loud voice about their lives.  There are countless women who have made great improvements and have helped the US, and the world, make great strides in becoming stronger and more balanced.  Women have become limited only by their creative dreams.

But this also benefited men. Now there are men and women in the military, women are helping men become smarter, greater, more powerful, and women working right along side men to transform the world from where we are into who we will become.

In this area, as well as in our whole lives, it is essential to be thankful to the women, and men, who have gone before and been courageous, brave, risk takers and have been willing to go against popular opinion for the good of all.  I dare say, that the best is yet to come as men and women continue to work together.

In their honor, I encourage you to do something brave today.  What brave words will you say, actions will you take, dreams will you put into action, and lives will you change? Share your bravery below!