Wants and Needs

Life is so amazing.  I’m continually awed by how lucky we really are to live and to have friends and relationships and families.  One of the most interesting and unique are relationships, partnerships and marriages.  This person that you choose to give a bit of yourself to, share time with, and love should feel like the luckiest person in the world because they have the opportunity to get a glimpse of the real, deep you.  Yet there’s one aspect that I want to talk about on family Friday that can make a great impact on your relationship.  This aspect can either separate you or bring you closer together.  In every relationship there are wants. You have wants, they have wants, you have needs and they have needs.  Yet the most important thing to realize is that what you want and need may not be what they want and need.  You may respond to them giving you a hug when they get home.  They may prefer that you keep in touch with them throughout the day.  You may want to discuss each of your days when you get together at the end of the day, and they may want to cuddle, exercise with you or relax with you on the couch.

Taking some time to discuss what you want and need vs what they want and need may turn out to be a very revealing conversation for you.  You may discover that they want something you’ve never given in the relationship, or even discussed.  They may find out that your needs aren’t really being met.  The biggest secret and revelation here is that chances are good you never actually sat down and talked about how you can best meet each others needs!

Now, I want to stress that this secret and discussion doesn’t mean you have to freak out over what you or they didn’t know.  This is an opportunity for both of you to get closer to each other, and understand each other better.  Don’t focus on the missed times and opportunities, focus on how this conversation will positively impact your future together.

I encourage you to spend time this weekend or over the next week asking questions, seeking understanding and sharing what your mind, heart and body need with each other.  If you’re having trouble communicating, get in touch with a coach, helping professional, or someone else who can help you to reconnect and communicate clearly, honestly and authentically.

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