Real Relationships

How is your relationship with your significant other?  What word would you use to describe it?  Rocky?  Healthy?  Growing?  Challenging?  Busy?  Active? Alive?  Awesome?  Boring?  Frustrating?  I’ve seen a lot of relationships lately that can be described using many of the negative words I just listed.  If you asked people who don’t have very good relationships, they’ll probably list a myriad of reasons why the relationship isn’t going so well.

One key reason that so many relationships are struggling these days is because of a lack of honesty.  If you’re in a challenging relationship, before you go yell at your partner for not being honest, understand that there are two sides of honesty to think about:

Your honesty and their honesty.

First and foremost you must be honest with yourself.  You need to admit and understand what your needs, wants and desires in the relationship are.  You also have to understand what your needs, wants and desires are period.  If you can’t be honest with yourself, and take responsibility for your needs, there’s absolutely no point in asking your partner to be honest with you about anything.   You also can’t expect to have a satisfying relationship if you don’t know what you need from the relationship, or to put into the relationship, to be satisfied.  Once you’ve been honest with yourself about what your needs really are, you need to discuss those needs with your partner.  They need to know what you need from life and from the relationship. You also have to be honest with them about your expectations for the relationship.

Second, they must be honest with you.  They also have needs and desires from life and the relationship.  Ask them to share their expectations and honest needs for your relationship and life with you.

Once you’ve both been honest with each other about where you are in life, your needs in life and from the relationship and your expectations from the relationship, you must be honest about whether that relationship can meet those needs and expectations.   If your current relationship can’t meet those needs and expectations, either you both need new expectations, need to revise how your relationship runs so that both your needs can be better met, or you need to be honest about the need to change the type of relationship you have.

Changes in a relationship, whether you’re talking divorce or just habits, are never easy.  Being honest with each other about your relationship and each of your needs is a good step to take in creating a healthier relationship.  What are your thoughts?  I invite you to share your perspective below.

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