Last week I started discussion of 3 keys to relationship success, starting our conversation with the topic of communication. Today we’re continuing with talking about meeting each other’s needs.
It’s important to preface this discussion by sharing my firm belief that you cannot depend on someone else to make you happy. Others can contribute to your happiness or unhappiness, but they don’t have the final say, you do. If you’re not happy it can only be in part because of what someone else did or does, not fully.
A truly happy relationship is only possible if both partners contribute. So it would make sense that if you do your very best to make someone else unhappy, yes some people do that kind of thing, your relationship will not be a happy one. It is almost impossible to be part of a relationship in which one partner is unresponsive, doesn’t participate or does the opposite of what you’ve asked, which is one reason why there are so many divorces and miserable couples in our world today. Yes, it does go back to communication, but there comes a point in time that communication has been clearly ineffective and a decision has to be made if you’re going to stay, go or do something drastically different.
One of the other reasons relationships struggle in this area is because the partners don’t learn what does make them personally happy and how to help each other be happy. This means knowing your tastes, your likes and dislikes, and your preferences as well as theirs, communicating those preferences to each other and most importantly being willing to take action on those interests. It’s about more than just compromise, because sometimes you’ll give and sometimes you’ll take in the relationship, and that’s OK, as long as it reverses itself as well and your partner gives and receives too.
Your relationship shouldn’t be a tug of war between the two of you, it should be something you enjoy. But there can be no enjoyment if you’re not working together to do what’s best for all involved, which includes meeting each other’s needs.