Who’s Stopping You?

Last weekend was challenging for me.  Yes, I’m going to be honest with you: my life isn’t perfect and I don’t know everything.  I don’t want to know everything, and I don’t feel the need to know everything or be right all of the time, I know that no one is perfect, and I don’t expect others to be perfect.  But as we talked about on Wednesday, I do expect a little consideration that we’re all human, do have feelings and need support.  I’m a big believer in helping everyone win, but if one person or group in that circle is not fully on board to everyone winning, it won’t work as well.

One of the things I was challenged by last weekend was something that I discussed with my partner on last Thursday.  It was an important conversation, one that I was initially excited to have because I had, I thought, some good ideas and insights to share.  He was attentive, but after finishing the conversation I felt let down, and I wasn’t really sure why.  So I thought about it off and on throughout the weekend and came to a few important conclusions.

First, I know that I am fully capable of following through on our conversation and getting things done, but I wanted his support as I was doing it.  To not have the enthusiastic response that I thought he would share really hurt me.   I don’t need his approval to be successful, have value or be a special person, but as my chosen partner, I want it!

Second, support is really important.  As I’ve said many times we’re not individuals absolutely isolated on our own islands responsible for every aspect of our lives and without any help or internet or any contact with others.  We’re surrounded by others, and we’re not supposed to do everything on our own.  That’s why we have partners and friends in the first place.

Third, I want his feedback because he is my partner.  I wouldn’t be in a relationship if I didn’t respect and want his opinion or support.  Had he told me that it was a bad idea but I really wanted to do it I would, after making sure I had really heard and thought through the issues he raised.  However, not getting any feedback, positive or negative, left me floundering.

So earlier this week we discussed my feelings after I thought through everything and came to these conclusions. It turns out he was focused on next steps, steps I hadn’t gotten to yet, and didn’t realize or understand that I wasn’t quite at those steps yet, but needed encouragement for the step we discussed first.  So before you stay upset with your partner over something they did or didn’t do, let them know how you feel.  You’ll be glad you did.

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