I believe that being in a relationship is a big commitment, one that most people don’t fully make. Sure when you’re getting started with a new relationship you don’t jump in with both feet in case you discover you’re really not compatible or not in it for the same reasons. But once you’ve been in the relationship for a while you have to either fully commit, agree how fully committed you’re going to be, or get out.
What does it mean to agree how fully committed you’re going to be? It means that you agree you’re going to be friends with benefits or you’re both committed to not having kids but having a lasting relationship, or staying together for the period of time that you have until life calls you in different directions for school or work. Some people try to get away with not discussing these limits, but I feel it’s really important to discuss these things in your relationship or you’ll be dealing with unrealistic expectations, unhappy people and unnecessary stress.
That said I do know that some relationships may be committed but something happens that drastically changes the dynamics of the relationship, or the commitment you agreed to. There are many things you can’t predict or can’t truly know how you’ll react when things happen, but you do have a choice when you begin the relationship to be open to the person you’re with and the natural change process we all go through during our lives. Talking about this stuff when it happens rather than 6 months later is important, as is trying to work through the changes rather than just giving up.
Whether you’ve truly committed to your partner or not can make a big difference in the relationship, in your attitude towards them and in the health and happiness of your relationship. I encourage you to think about your relationship and the commitment you’ve made to your partner this weekend. Is it a true commitment or a fair weather one?
“And in a marriage you can’t TRY and be married. You’re married or you’re not married… as far as I’m concerned.” Ringo Starr