Summer is known as a time for growth. If you just look outside the window it’s likely that you can see some of that growth. You’ll probably also see evidence of it in your supermarket with all the fresh, locally grown produce that becomes available in summer. While we could probably depend on the areas of the world that are warm all year long to supply us with food (or put up lots of greenhouses in areas that are cold), the summer weather means we don’t have to stretch our resources in that way.
Summer is also a great time to grow in our relationships and our families. With the kids being off it gives us the opportunity to take off a couple of days here and there and not have to worry about them catching up with schoolwork or missing out on stuff. Warm nights and the sun staying out later means date nights can get more creative and last longer. All of which means lots of opportunities for us to get closer to the people who matter most in our lives.
But if the opposite is true, that you’re considering or facing a separation this summer, it’s an opportunity to grow and get to know yourself better. While many divorces have reasons why they happen, for example abuse or cheating or drug use, there’s usually another underlying reason that the divorce is happening. It’s the reason of flaws. We all have flaws, but some of us go into a relationship expecting to be able to break the other person or change them. And I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t changed as they got older and therefore aren’t the same person they were when they first married.
So the question then becomes can you work with the person your partner has become, and can they work with the person you have become? If you can’t then it may be time to revisit why you’re married and who you are as a person. Because if they can’t live with you and you can’t live with them and you aren’t willing to bend either way, I can just about guarantee that you’ll both be miserable in the near future, unless your lives are so different and separate and you hardly ever see each other or talk with each other.
Don’t let this be the worst summer of your life, choose to make it the best by working with the people in your life rather than trying to fight them to be right on everything or win in everything.
“The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.” Scott Adams