Can We Outgrow Love?

I asked an interesting question in the title of today’s post: can you outgrow the need for love? Frank A. Clark says: “A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it.”

I have to say that I agree with him. I don’t think we can ever outgrow the need to love and be loved. Love is this absolutely essentially core aspect of who we are as people. Love challenges us in every aspect of our lives, yet when we think about living with out it, I know I break out in cold sweats, and you may too. When I think about living in a world without love, I can picture the depravity, the hurt, the hatred and the pain that would take over each and every one of our lives. I can see that we’d all be living sub-par lives of misery. Yet we all too often try to not let love play the role in our lives that it should.

We all go through periods of growth during our lives, growth is an essential part to who we are as people. Growth and change are essential to our lives. We can’t do all the activities we did at 4 at 84. We can’t expect to find success without making some changes and opening up to growth in our lives. So as with each spring and summer plants grow, we know that our lives will grow and change too. We will outgrow the things in our past and become (hopefully) bigger and better people.

But that’s not the case for love. We hopefully will learn new dimensions of love throughout our lives, but we’ll never ever outgrow the need to be loved by those around us. So why don’t we put the emphasis on love that we should? Why don’t we try to spread love within our relationships and communities? That’s one of the $64 million questions in life.

It’s one thing to turn down bad habits or people, it’s another thing to turn down or reject something that can be so positive and helpful in our lives. Yes, love like other things in life comes with some risk. Your heart can get broken, and your life turned upside down. But from what I’ve seen love is totally worth the risk. It won’t work out the right way every time, but nothing in life is a 100% guarantee (besides change, death and taxes).

This coming week I encourage you to open up to love again. Don’t give up, be persistent, and be open to the ways love wants to reveal itself in your life.

Learning from Lee Iacocca

As a business owner it can be easy to get wrapped up in what’s going on in your business. We all have challenges, things that frustrate us and almost always run out of time at the end of the day. But one of the best things we can do if we’re interested in growing our business is to seek the wisdom of others, whether working with a coach, or learning from great business leaders like Lee Iacocca. Lee Iacocca celebrates his birthday on the 15th of this month, so today I thought we’d take a look at a little of his wisdom.   A couple of the quotes may not seem like they are relevant or really share any knowledge that can help you in your business, but if you take a minute to think about what they’re really saying, I think you’ll learn something valuable.

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”

“So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don’t sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late.”

“Start with good people, lay out the rules, communicate with your employees, motivate them and reward them. If you do all those things effectively, you can’t miss.”

“In the end, all business operations can be reduced to three words: people, product, and profits.”

“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family.”

“To succeed today, you have to set priorities, decide what you stand for.”

“I have found that being honest is the best technique I can use. Right up front, tell people what you’re trying to accomplish and what you’re willing to sacrifice to accomplish it.”

“What is wrong with changing your mind because the facts changed? But you have to be able to say why you changed your mind and how the facts changed.”

“I have always found that if I move with seventy-five percent or more of the facts that I usually never regret it. It’s the guys who wait to have everything perfect that drive you crazy.”

“There is no substitute for accurate knowledge. Know yourself, know your business, know your men.”

“The ability to concentrate and to use time well is everything.”

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”

“A guy named Charlie Beacham was my first mentor at Ford. He taught me the importance of the dealers, and he rubbed my nose in the retail business.”

“I guess I invented extended warranties, because that’s all we had to sell at Chrysler in those days.”

“Over the years, many executives have said to me with pride: ‘Boy, I worked so hard last year that I didn’t take any vacation.’ I always feel like responding, “You dummy. You mean to tell me you can take responsibility for an eighty-million-dollar project and you can’t plan two weeks out of the year to have some fun?”

“I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to listen. Business people need to listen at least as much as they need to talk. Too many people fail to realize that real communication goes in both directions.”

“To solve big problems you have to be willing to do unpopular things.”

“There’s no great mystery to satisfying your customers. Build them a quality product and treat them with respect. It’s that simple.”

 

Talking about Tragedy

I hate that another week started out with bad news, that another individual has taken it upon themselves to hurt and kill others, that once again we’re a nation in pain and dealing with the loss of life. Most people woke to the news of a shooting in Las Vegas on Monday morning, but when I went to bed it had just happened and very little was known (I’m a serious night owl in this season of my life). I thought it would just be a few people who were hurt and killed, but was greatly saddened to find out how many people were impacted in this tragedy. I know that you’ve probably been reading about it on countless blogs, newsletters and news sites since it happened, so you may not want to read another perspective on it, so if not I encourage you to keep the families in your thoughts and prayers, and if you’re in the Las Vegas area to donate blood. But if you’re still processing and want to reflect with me, let’s talk about tragedy.

What I knew when I turned off my computer on Monday morning was that another person chose violence towards others. Without even trying hard I could list a dozen or two issues (or more) in the world that need fixing or attention. There are so many pressing problems that the world deals with and then there are the issues that we deal with in our own lives that may seem small by comparison, but still take up space in our minds and stress us out. So it boggles my mind that someone would choose to pick up a gun (or whatever their preferred method of violence is) and use killing as their message delivery system, and what they choose to do with the rest of their life. It’s a reminder to all of us that there are people in the world who need help, and may hide behind a mask of normalcy for years before you ever see a crack.

But it’s also a reminder to us all that we are still alive. We can’t go back to Sunday morning and make everyone alive again, we can’t go back to when the man first had the idea to do something like this, we can only move forward. Already on Monday and in the days that are ahead you’ll hear more about gun control and security and related topics, and it’s not a bad idea to make sure that we’re really aware of the privilege it is to have guns and the responsibility that comes along with them. You can certainly tune in and see what develops in that area as well as the investigation, but my encouragement to you would be that you really think about the life you have. Don’t take it for granted. Don’t take the people in your life for granted. Celebrate each and every day with them. Live a life that fills you and fulfills you. Choose to make a positive difference for the next generation so they won’t experience tragedies like we’ve been seeing for the past several years in increasing numbers. Don’t let this tragedy only be a loss of life, let it motivate you to live your life to the fullest.

Relationship Investing

Every so often I think about the topic of investing. One of the things that all financial professionals tell you is that you should have some type of investment strategy for your finances for both the present and the future. There are tons of different strategies you can tap into to do that investing, and what some people prefer you may not, and that’s OK. But today what I want to talk about is the concept of relationship investing, not financial investing. The best way to keep a relationship healthy and make it last is by investing in it consistently. Consistency is one of the things I stress with all of my clients, and one of the things that most people and companies struggle with.

When couples don’t make time for each other, when they don’t talk, when they don’t spend time alone, and when they aren’t intentional about keeping their relationship healthy, the chance that their relationship will fall apart increases significantly. Yes, sometimes people change and even if they’re doing everything “right” as a couple the relationship still falls apart because of those changes. But even then if you’re really committed you may learn to work with each others changes and see it as a natural progression of life and your relationship.

So the question is are you committed to your relationship or not committed to it? This is about more than just loving a person or believing that they’re an incredible parent, because I know many people who are “in love” that never work out and tons of people make great parents, especially when they’re not together. If you’re committed to your relationship, just like if you’re committed to your job or your future, you’re doing things that help you build and contribute in that area. Sitting in bed and one of you watches TV and the other snores isn’t relationship investing, a passing kiss while trading kids to take to events isn’t investing, and calling the annual holiday company party a date (your only one all year) isn’t investing. Those moments can be special and can be part of your relationship, but they aren’t really investing. Investing is taking time to really sit down and talk about your days, it’s talking about the finances and schedules together, it’s going on a date just the 2 of you at least every 2 weeks, it’s sharing about things that scare you and things that are changing, and it’s supporting each other through those changes and the other challenges in your lives by being there for each other in a myriad of ways.

This week I encourage you to work on really investing in your partner and in your relationship. Being proactive about that investment can make your relationship in 5 or 10 years (and many years after that) look like it did when you first met and were so in love.