The Freedom in Quiet

Today is the last day of this month, and the end of the second to last month of 2015. How are you feeling about it? Are you too busy thinking about the holidays to think about the fact that another year is just about over? It’s interesting that the year ends on such a busy note, I mean it’s one thing to end the year with a celebration of the year, it’s another thing to cram Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa into the last 6 weeks of the year. Sure it’s great for the business world to have all these sales but who’s to say that if the holidays weren’t spread throughout the year that sales would be more evenly distributed? Regardless, that’s not what we’re talking about today. Today our discussion is on this month’s topic, being quiet, and understanding the freedom that comes from being quiet.

Having quiet time gives you the opportunity to reflect on your past, consider where your life is heading, remember the good memories, make plans, listen, relax and de-stress, and help you get centered and refocused. Without all that quiet time your life is like a bullet train running without a conductor (and no self-driving technology either): eventually you will run off the tracks.

So if you are looking for more victories, more success, more freedom and more fulfillment, there are 3 things you need to do: start making time in your life on a regular basis for quiet reflection, take more intentional actions and establish relationships with people who can and will support you (and you can support) and won’t tear you down or discourage you from having goals and dreams. When you do those things your life and goals will be clearer, you’ll have more victories and you’ll enjoy life more, 3 things that we all want this holiday season and next year.

“If you can’t get quiet enough to hear yourself, your life is too loud.”  Terri Guillemets

Are Your First Impressions Right?

This month we’ve been talking about the choice of quiet. I’m a fan of taking time for quiet because it gives me an escape from being overwhelmed all the time by the thoughts I think and the (noisy) things going on around me. I’m not made to be surrounded by sound and thoughts all the time, I need a break every so often, we all do.

One of the reasons being quiet is beneficial is because it gives us a chance to think beyond our initial reaction or impression. Everywhere you go and in everything you do you’re making snap judgments based on previously established knowledge, observation or experience within the first few seconds of interacting with that thing, person, or place. Many times you’re right about at least a good portion of the judgment. However usually there is a lot more to the story than you can get in the first few seconds. For example, if you were to walk into the dining room during Thanksgiving dinner you would think that the house is noisy, but walk just a little farther onto another floor or even into another room and your perception of the house being noisy is revealed as not totally accurate; it’s really just the dining room that is noisy.

Snap judgments are important because they can keep us safe and protected from dangers we might run into or bad choices we might make. But they don’t ever tell the whole story. The only way to get the whole story is to take the time to be quiet and think things through, ask questions and take time to learn more before making a final judgment. I’m not suggesting to ignore your first impressions, just to not assume that it’s the only and full truth, because that will almost never be the case. There’s always more to the story than you think.

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

A Preference for Peace

In this month as we talk about quiet, one of the things that is usually associated with quiet is peace (“I’d like a little peace and quiet” being the well-known phrase). If you have kids quiet may be a distant memory for you, and peace may be as well. But as we’ve already established that they’re connected, it’s through that connection that we’ll be able to have a breakthrough in getting peace and quiet in our families, and our relationships as well.

If you want quiet and peace with your kids you need to establish quiet times. When your kids aren’t napping any more you should still have time set aside each day for reading or coloring time or another quiet activity that’s able to be done independently for the most part. To set a good example you should have a quiet activity to do as well, maybe folding laundry, checking/paying bills or even reading yourself. Setting aside just 30 minutes each day for everyone teaches your kids that there is value in being quiet, and it’s not just BS you’re feeding them to make them stop being crazy.

As for relationships, one of the challenges many of us face is finding peace in them. We’re busy trying to get our way and be right or even be together that peace goes by the wayside all too often even though it’s something that we all claim to really want. If you really want peace you have to create it. Instead of fighting over things by default, choose to make compromises. Instead of forcing your partner to do something they don’t enjoy step up and do it yourself without them asking or begging. Instead of putting things off big discussions, have them before things really turn into issues and do create fights. Instead of always thinking of yourself first, try to put your partner’s needs above your own at least once each day. When you’re both putting forth effort to make peace in your relationship it will be a lot easier to keep the relationship healthy and happy, and the same holds true for your family.

“My wife and I don’t compete. We know each other’s preferences, and we work to provide those for each other. One will take over when the other is faced with something he or she dislikes. That’s what friends do.” Matthew McConaughey

The Meaning of Quiet

We’ve arrived at a new month and as I sat down to look at the month ahead I pulled out my calendar that I wrote up at the beginning of 2015 to see what our theme this month would be. For some reason I thought that I had gone with thanksgiving or gratitude, but it turns out that while we will touch on being thankful, it’s not going to be our main theme. Instead, our topic will be quiet. Initially I was a little frustrated because I really wanted to talk about gratitude (there’s a good chance we’ll spend time on it next year), but the more I thought about it the more I realized that it was exactly the right topic for this month. So now that I’m back to being on board with our topic, let’s talk about why this is such a crucial topic for this month.

November is our second to last month in the year and is a month that signals slowing down, speeding up, endings, beginnings and cold weather. It’s a month filled with changes as well as reminders of changes that are coming. It’s a reminder of how little time we have left in this year to accomplish our goals. And November provides a reminder to all who would listen how important it is to be thankful, a topic that bypasses religious, cultural, language and many other typical barriers we face in celebrating things.

I make a point of stressing on this blog and with my clients that success only happens with actions, but if you are going to take smart actions there has to be time for consideration of what those smart actions are, otherwise they’re not necessarily smart. So this month we’re going to force ourselves to practice taking regular time outs, really seeing the world around us and realizing what’s most important to us (and making time for it). As always I invite you to share what you learn as we journey through this month on being quiet in the comment section.

“The month of November makes me feel that life is passing more quickly. In an effort to slow it down, I try to fill the hours more meaningfully.”  Henry Rollins