How Do You See Success?

Today I want to talk about an avenue to success that not everyone considers: doing the right thing. I know sometimes it seems like going the easy way, buying your way in or cutting corners is the way to go, and it will work for some people, but not in the long run and not always well. In fact, you can make more enemies and have more issues doing it that way than going about it the right way. I’m not saying that the right way has to be the hard way, but rather that doing the right thing, respecting other people, knowing when to stop and working towards wins for everyone will get you a bigger and better win every time.

There have been many stories in the news over the past 6 months, and even for many years past, of not-so-stellar examples of society both in individual people and in companies. I doubt that’s going to change any time soon, there will always be people who think that it’s fine to cheat, lie or steal. But lately the tide has been turning and the people who have been hurt are speaking up, and it’s great to see them coming forward. The one thing that’s not in the news as much as it should be are the people and companies who are going above and beyond, or just even doing the right thing, probably because it’s not really “interesting.”

So while doing the right thing and treating others with respect and dignity, giving them the opportunity to say yes or no, partnering with them, listening and talking, and working towards solutions together may not be glamorous or particularly news worthy, you’ll be able to create success that you feel good about, with the side benefit being that often they’ll be successful too. So how do you look at the steps to success? Do you see the sales you make in your business or at your job as an opportunity to work together with a customer? Do you see the challenges and issues that come up with your family and in your relationship as an opportunity to work together with your family to a solution that works for both or all of you? Do you see the choices you have to make as opportunities to become better and stronger, learning even if you fail? How do you see success?

Advertisements

Who is Thankful for You?

As I was thinking about Thanksgiving and our topic of the month, success, I came across this bit of wisdom from Amaka Imani Nkosazana:

“Stop seeking attention from people who don’t give you the time of day. Value your time, comfort your spirit, have peace of mind. There are people who love you and care about you. Give your smiles to them.”

Each of us face the challenge of wanting attention from those who won’t give it, like people at our offices or family members. And yet we sometimes are guilty of not giving attention to those we do care about and want our attention, like our kids and our partner. Why do we work so hard to get attention from people who don’t care about us or want to give us that attention? Sometimes I think it’s because we simply are so focused on getting the attention we want, that we don’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes maybe we don’t think that the attention from that person or those people who do want to give it to us would be enough for us and we’ll still not feel like we’re wanted enough.

When it comes to the topic of success we need to make sure that our attention is focused on the right people and the right things. One thing to consider when making a decision about where to focus our attention is the long term affects of making a decision to put so much effort and attention into someone or something. Yes, sometimes we let important relationships that matter to us go a little because of the other commitments in our lives, but if we don’t make up that time in the future or if we don’t recommit to them in the future they’ll distance themselves from us. You may never be able to please the one person in the world that you want to please. That doesn’t mean you should give up on pleasing them, but that it shoudln’t be your focus.

As we head into Thanksgiving here in the US in less than one day I encourage you to focus on the people you are thankful for, and those who are thankful for you. Spend time with the people who mean the most to you, and let the rest of the world do their own thing, if for only one day.

The Autumn of Success

As I was out taking a walk the other day I was once again taken in by the wide variety of leaves that are part of the world where I live. Each autumn those leaves fall out of the trees and brilliant colors that cover the ground fade within days to dull browns. As you know leaves fall off the trees somewhere between September and December depending on the year and then reappear in or after March.

It reminded me that sometimes we have to give things up in order to get the things we want, or that sometimes we have to let go of the old to make room for the new. If you’re trying to lose weight but keep riding the roller coaster, sometimes the best thing you can do is to give up those old clothes. Don’t even give yourself the opportunity to get back into them. If you’ve been struggling with your employees but really want your company to succeed, you either need to fix the situation with the employees you’ve got or hire new employees. As I talked about last Wednesday though, don’t fall into the trap of fixing the wrong issue, in other words the issue may not be the employees but rather you or how the company is run.

But as with the leaves, they don’t just reappear on the trees immediately, there’s a rest period. If you know anything about farming you know that farmers rest portions of their fields each year because the soil needs to be rejuvenated. The nutrients of the soil aren’t just there, and if the soil isn’t given the necessary rest it won’t perform to the best standards. The same is true for our lives, sometimes you have to take time to rejuvenate for the next step in your success journey to really be successful.

This week I do encourage you to make strong steps forward on your success journey, but don’t do it at the expense of a complete flame out or if you’re not really convinced with what you’re doing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an escape hatch or backup plan, just that you should be working forward, not waiting for the floor to fall out from under you.

Set for Relationship Success

Today we’re talking about relationship success. While there are always factors that can’t be anticipated, and people do change, I believe that there are some things you can do to help your relationship be more successful than most. Here are 6 things you should consider to give your relationship a good chance at success.

Attention: does your partner get your undivided attention at least once every day or are you frequently doing more than one thing at a time while talking or being with them?

Actions: how do you behave towards them? What do the actions you take on their behalf, towards them or because of them say about you and your relationship with them?

Attitude: do you dismiss them and their feelings? Have you grown to resent them or their place in your life? Do you treat them as a burden or distraction?

Care: do you show them how you feel about them and how important they are to you? Do you make a point of doing special things for them? Do you sometimes put their needs ahead of your own?

Communication: how often do you two talk? Do you share the things that go on in your day and listen to them share about their day? Do you take minutes here and there to just text them that you love them?

Consistency: relationships aren’t made or broken in one day or one event, are you consistnetly showing your partner that you are their partner, or consistently showing them you’re not invested in the relationship?

I encourage you to take time to consider your relationship this week and take the necessary steps to evaluate and improve your relationship so that it’s fulfilling for both you and your partner and has the best chance at lasting success.

Start Smart for Success

I was talking recently with a client about the business review we had just done and she said how she thought she was really on top of things before the review and now realizes how much more she could/should be doing, which got me thinking about success. Success isn’t usually something you achieve and are done, it’s something that’s often a very long and winding journey that often takes a long time and you reach victories in stages. That may sound frustrating, but there’s a simple truth that I told my client that I think makes all the difference: where you start.

If you’re starting with a good product, a good service, the right intentions, a good group of people, or a good love, in other words a solid foundation, you can go anywhere with it! If you start with something that’s junk and you add bells, whistles, wrappings and trappings to it to try and make it look like something it’s not (something better than it is), you won’t get very far for very long.  People are better than ever at picking out the duds, more vocal about their dissatisfaction, and quicker to leave a bad situation than ever before.

So if you’re feeling frustrated by, tired of, or missing something in your life, business, relationship or work this week, I’d encourage you to see if you can take a few steps back and find where it started. Did it start with something good, did it start with something you put up with, did you jump in before really considering things, or did you know it wasn’t great from the beginning but hoped it would get better? And if you’re thinking of starting something this week, start with the right foundation so that you’ll achieve stronger and more victorious success.

Setting Kids Up For Success

This month one of the things we’re talking about is the topic of success, so today I thought we’d talk about setting our kids, and the kids of the world, up for success. As the adults of the world we can either help the next generation or hurt it, and I’d rather them have a better world than the one we live in than worse. Let’s look at 3 things that can help set kids up for success.

Set a good example. The first way you can set your kids up for success is by setting a good example and being on top of your own responsibilities. Having a messy house, not trying to get a job when things are tight, not having healthy practices for yourself, not managing your finances well, and having terrible relationships and interactions with others aren’t the things you want to teach your kids. They learn by what they see and hear from the adults around them (and often imitate it), just like we learn from the people we listen to and what we see them doing.

Let them learn. Sometimes the only way they can get to success is to do it themselves or with very little guidance from you. Sometimes what they need is to give it a try (or a dozen tries) until they get better at math or baseball or skating or painting, or whatever they’re interested in or struggling with that’s essential for them to know. Encourage them to get out and do stuff with friends, try new foods and go new places, expose them to different parts of the world in whatever way you can (books, TV, the internet, vacations), and give them choices so that they have to learn to make decisions.

Teach them to contribute. I’ve been seeing the commercial again about the kid who flies paper airplane messages over the neighbor’s tall wood fence thinking they’ll get to his dad who is overseas. The neighbor decides to contribute and sends them off to the dad, who sends back a box of his own airplane messages and the neighbor flies them back over to the boy. No, the neighbor didn’t have to get involved, but he knew that he could play a positive role in keeping the boy’s relationship with his dad alive while they’re separated. You can teach your kids to contribute too by having them donate some of their old toys or clothes to needy kids, or packing a care box for a service person overseas.

So how will you set your kids up for success?

What Don’t You Know About Success?

This month one of the things we’ll be talking about is the topic of success. Last week we talked about taking time to explore your business because as we run our businesses there are lots of things that we can miss going on in our business as we work hard to support our customers, as well as how the business world is evolving and changing. Part of success is being able to work with and through changes. Change is something we all face, whether we want to or not, and while some things are timeless, there are many things that are not.

Today I wanted to share a little insight that I heard this past week. Success isn’t just about what you know, but it’s about being courageous enough to admit what you don’t know and find the answers and/or ask for help. Success can be a one-time thing (one hit wonder), but very few people are satisfied with a one-time success. I don’t think we should be satisfied with the one success we’ve had or even with the past successes we’ve had. True success is a journey, and very few people, if any, know the full journey before they start out.

While there are some prodigies in the business world, most people start someplace with some knowledge or skill and go from there. That means that there’s probably a whole lot they don’t know, and there’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, some of your greatest successes, or victories, can come from figuring out what you don’t know, or what’s wrong and gaining the knowledge you need or fixing the issue. So this month I encourage you to throw aside the idea of perfect success, and instead work on success steps. If you keep moving forward from success to success, from improvement to improvement, you’ll grow your business and help more people too.

So let’s be honest: what don’t you know, or what are you struggling with? I encourage you to post your question in the comments section below.

Interested in Success?

This weekend in reading one of the daily news headline newsletters I get I read an interesting statement:

“”A few weeks into training, Lulu began to show signs that she wasn’t interested in detecting explosive odors.” The CIA, in a statement explaining why Lulu, a Labrador retriever, failed to make the cut in its explosive detection “puppy class.””

What really stood out to me in this quote was one word (aside from the fact that we’re talking about a dog here): interested. I can give you a list of things that you can do to be successful, businesses you could start that could be successful, or ways to make your relationship successful but if they don’t interest you or you’re done with the relationship, you’ll have a difficult time really seeing things through or seeing the results you want to see.

That’s not to say that Lulu doesn’t have a fantastic future ahead of her as a search and rescue dog or therapy dog or even just as a family pet, she just isn’t cut out to be detecting explosives, and it’s an important lesson for all of us to learn. There’s not one definition of success that fits for everyone or that everyone follows. Just because I find success through one path doesn’t mean that you’ll find success the same way. Are there things that many people can use or do to become successful? Yes, including communication, learning and taking action. And there’s a lot we can learn from each other and even to an extent copy from each other. But there comes a point in time that you have to step up and be there or do it or try again.

There’s only so much faking you can do before you either make it or try something different. If you really think you are going in the right direction personally or professionally, I’d encourage you to make some time this week to relight your interest. Maybe it’s just a serious discussion, maybe it’s doing better with delegation, or maybe just standing up for yourself, but recommit yourself to that interest and get the support you need to follow through.

Are You Satisfied?

Today I got to thinking about what it means to be satisfied. We live in a world where good seems to never be good enough, where many people are unsatisfied in their relationships and their jobs, not to mention financial situations. Before we can talk about taking action, we have to talk about what it means to be satisfied.

First, you can’t be satisfied in a bad situation. The word “satisfaction” means that you have to be ok with the situation, you can’t be unhappy or displeased. Satisfied doesn’t mean perfect though. If you have satisfaction in a situation or about a project, it means you know you’ve done your very best and that while more work could be done, it wouldn’t ultimately greatly improve the outcome or performance.

I believe that it’s best to be satisfied with a situation before you move onto a new one, or at the very least come to terms with it. What do I mean by this? Well, if you’re in a bad relationship or hate your job or your business is failing, don’t just give up and switch gears. This will only cause problems for you and others years from now.

Satisfaction requires an understanding of what has happened and why. I don’t suggest that you pick apart every failure or bad moment to find the turning points and things you should have done differently, I think that we all need to spend a little time in reflection of the past and present before we move onto the future.

But, just because I’m satisfied with the outcome of something, that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit back and not make any new goals or dream bigger for the future and next part of my life journey. Yes I’m satisfied with who I am and where I am, but I still want more! This is healthy and nothing to be ashamed of.

This week I encourage you to take a look at your life. How are you feeling right now? Are you OK with where you are and what you’re doing? Now take a moment and make plans for the rest of this week, the rest of this month and the rest of this year. What are you going to do now, what do you need to be doing in the next few weeks and months to really be satisfied with your life in 2017 when January rolls around in a few months?

A Strong Foundation?

Something that I’m a big believer in is the concept of foundation. In so many situations there has to be a firm foundation before other steps can be taken. Yes, sometimes there are ways around it, but often to get the full and best experience, that only happens when there’s a firm foundation in place and consistently cared for. I believe that we have different foundations in many areas of our lives, including our family, our children, our partner, our work/career/business, our community and even in how we are with ourselves.

Let’s start with what might be the most important foundation: that of your personal foundation. This foundation has to do with how you see yourself, if you believe in yourself, how you treat yourself and if you respect yourself. You may be cringing as you think about your personal foundation, because too often it’s the one that we let slide because we’ve got so much going on in our lives that it seems like we’re the last thing that should be taken care of. But, as is true for so many situations, if you’re not taking care of yourself and making sure that your foundation is strong, it will end up affecting the foundations in the other areas of your life, and the other people who depend on you.

It’s important to take care of the foundations you have, because the foundations are what you build and grow from and what gives you the strength and guidance to navigate and survive challenges. The business foundation you have helps you decide if/when a person isn’t a good fit anymore or an idea shouldn’t be implemented because it’s not in line with your mission/vision/purpose. The relationship foundation you have with your partner means that you’ve established the common ground that you both connect through and identify with, and that you rarely have serious fights. The foundation you have with your kids should be one of mutual love, of your support of them, and of their respect for you as their parent.

The foundation is what everything else is built on, it establishes a starting point and a point to which you can return, it is a reference point when the going gets tough and it should give you a sense of peace even when what you’re building isn’t so stable. How is your foundation today?

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” Zig Ziglar