As I was thinking about Thanksgiving and our topic of the month, success, I came across this bit of wisdom from Amaka Imani Nkosazana:
“Stop seeking attention from people who don’t give you the time of day. Value your time, comfort your spirit, have peace of mind. There are people who love you and care about you. Give your smiles to them.”
Each of us face the challenge of wanting attention from those who won’t give it, like people at our offices or family members. And yet we sometimes are guilty of not giving attention to those we do care about and want our attention, like our kids and our partner. Why do we work so hard to get attention from people who don’t care about us or want to give us that attention? Sometimes I think it’s because we simply are so focused on getting the attention we want, that we don’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes maybe we don’t think that the attention from that person or those people who do want to give it to us would be enough for us and we’ll still not feel like we’re wanted enough.
When it comes to the topic of success we need to make sure that our attention is focused on the right people and the right things. One thing to consider when making a decision about where to focus our attention is the long term affects of making a decision to put so much effort and attention into someone or something. Yes, sometimes we let important relationships that matter to us go a little because of the other commitments in our lives, but if we don’t make up that time in the future or if we don’t recommit to them in the future they’ll distance themselves from us. You may never be able to please the one person in the world that you want to please. That doesn’t mean you should give up on pleasing them, but that it shoudln’t be your focus.
As we head into Thanksgiving here in the US in less than one day I encourage you to focus on the people you are thankful for, and those who are thankful for you. Spend time with the people who mean the most to you, and let the rest of the world do their own thing, if for only one day.
I hope you’re ready to celebrate this week with family and friends. Thanksgiving is one of those unique holidays for us in America that doesn’t relate to a religion and therefore includes everyone in the celebration. And while many people may celebrate July 4th, I think more people in the US take time to gather together with friends and family in November to take time to remember what they’re all thankful for.
Sometimes the simple things of life are the best. This week I’m sure you’re thinking about the lists you’ve got for Thanksgiving dinner and maybe Christmas even, so I thought I would keep things simple today with a reminder from Tecumseh:
“When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.”
What if being thankful wasn’t as complicated as we make it out to be? What if we didn’t have to have terrible events in our lives to be thankful for our life? What might our lives look like if we expressed our thanks more often? I know we’d be more positive and I bet we would be better able to take the tough stuff in stride. Our stress levels would be down and we’d have better relationships. Instead of looking for what was going wrong we’d focus on what was going right. This Thanksgiving I encourage you to take a step back from the whirlwind that is your life and take time each day for the rest of 2017 to write down 10 things you’re thankful for. They could be people, events, nature, or things, basically anything that has made you smile that day, went well or you appreciate. Here’s my list for today:
1 the sound of soothing rain drops outside my window
2 the opportunity to do good for the world and recycle
3 my cup of tea
4 being able to see the world around me
5 funny text messages from my partner
6 being able to work from home
7 helping lots of great individuals, families and businesses grow
8 clean, dry laundry
9 being able to support some great charities and organizations this year
What about you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on why Thanksgiving is special for you.
This week in the art world something very interesting happened: a Da Vinci painting sold for $450 million. That’s just a few dollars, no big deal, I bet you’ve got that under your mattress for a rainy day, right? Not likely. However, as I was marveling over the fact that someone just spent that much money on a poster sized painting, it got me thinking about what it really means for us and our businesses.
In fact, it’s really great news for us. It means that there is money to be spent, people are buying, and people are willing to spend a lot of money. So the next time someone says that you’re not doing well in business because no one is buying anything, think again. That person or people who just bought that painting still need to eat and live somewhere and have clothes and probably watch TV and talk on their phones just like the rest of us. So take a moment to celebrate that and let yourself be relieved that there is money to be earned.
But what you can’t ignore about this incredible purchase is that the reason that someone paid $450 million for a painting is because of the perceived value. Someone has an overwhelming desire to have this painting in their possession. Maybe your tax audits or websites or cups of soup aren’t quite as interesting as a painting by Da Vinci, but you’re not asking $450 million for them. So it becomes a question of have you communicated the value, the interest, the intrigue behind what you’re offering, and have you told anyone about what you’re offering?
Take some time this weekend before Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday start next week Friday and make sure that you’re communicating clearly the value that you bring to the table.
As I was out taking a walk the other day I was once again taken in by the wide variety of leaves that are part of the world where I live. Each autumn those leaves fall out of the trees and brilliant colors that cover the ground fade within days to dull browns. As you know leaves fall off the trees somewhere between September and December depending on the year and then reappear in or after March.
It reminded me that sometimes we have to give things up in order to get the things we want, or that sometimes we have to let go of the old to make room for the new. If you’re trying to lose weight but keep riding the roller coaster, sometimes the best thing you can do is to give up those old clothes. Don’t even give yourself the opportunity to get back into them. If you’ve been struggling with your employees but really want your company to succeed, you either need to fix the situation with the employees you’ve got or hire new employees. As I talked about last Wednesday though, don’t fall into the trap of fixing the wrong issue, in other words the issue may not be the employees but rather you or how the company is run.
But as with the leaves, they don’t just reappear on the trees immediately, there’s a rest period. If you know anything about farming you know that farmers rest portions of their fields each year because the soil needs to be rejuvenated. The nutrients of the soil aren’t just there, and if the soil isn’t given the necessary rest it won’t perform to the best standards. The same is true for our lives, sometimes you have to take time to rejuvenate for the next step in your success journey to really be successful.
This week I do encourage you to make strong steps forward on your success journey, but don’t do it at the expense of a complete flame out or if you’re not really convinced with what you’re doing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an escape hatch or backup plan, just that you should be working forward, not waiting for the floor to fall out from under you.
Today we’re talking about relationship success. While there are always factors that can’t be anticipated, and people do change, I believe that there are some things you can do to help your relationship be more successful than most. Here are 6 things you should consider to give your relationship a good chance at success.
Attention: does your partner get your undivided attention at least once every day or are you frequently doing more than one thing at a time while talking or being with them?
Actions: how do you behave towards them? What do the actions you take on their behalf, towards them or because of them say about you and your relationship with them?
Attitude: do you dismiss them and their feelings? Have you grown to resent them or their place in your life? Do you treat them as a burden or distraction?
Care: do you show them how you feel about them and how important they are to you? Do you make a point of doing special things for them? Do you sometimes put their needs ahead of your own?
Communication: how often do you two talk? Do you share the things that go on in your day and listen to them share about their day? Do you take minutes here and there to just text them that you love them?
Consistency: relationships aren’t made or broken in one day or one event, are you consistnetly showing your partner that you are their partner, or consistently showing them you’re not invested in the relationship?
I encourage you to take time to consider your relationship this week and take the necessary steps to evaluate and improve your relationship so that it’s fulfilling for both you and your partner and has the best chance at lasting success.
A friend of mine is moving and therefore leaving the company they’ve worked at for many years. They’re a hard worker and have many years of experience in their field and since they started hinting about their departure a year or so ago the company has tried to replace them with varying measures of success and failure (mostly failure). So we were discussing why it’s so hard for the company to replace them. Of course my friend is top-notch in their field, but there’s a lot more to the story than this individual being great. And our conversation got me thinking about why we don’t succeed at some things, or why some things don’t work out as we would expect.
Someone could say ‘I’m not getting anywhere with my Facebook page’, and you could look at the page, see the page is updated maybe every 2 months and then only with a sales pitch and come to a reasonable conclusion that one reason they’re not successful is they’re not posting consistently. Someone could say ‘I’m not selling anything’ and you take a look at their business and see that they haven’t done any marketing beyond establishing their physical and online stores, and come to a reasonable conclusion that one reason they’re not selling is because they’re not marketing. In another case someone could say “I’m not getting any sales” and you look at their products and see that there’s nothing unique about the products, come to a reasonable conclusion that one reason they’re not getting sales is because their products aren’t unique.
Now, we could go back to the same 3 examples and probably find other reasons why they’re not successful in those areas, but what it comes down to is the fact that the issue isn’t really the issue. Yes, not getting anywhere with Facebook or not making any sales are issues, but what they really point to is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed first. Until that larger issue is addressed the smaller issue won’t be able to be completely resolved. Sure, you can make some headway by doing paid FB ads, adding more stores online and offline, or adding more products respectively, but that’s really not addressing the issue that needs to be addressed.
To follow through on our examples, my friends’ company doesn’t need someone who can technically do their job, they need someone who’s a leader and able to help the employees they’re responsible for be more successful in their jobs, and/or hire new employees who are qualified for and have the attitude for success. In the case of the Facebook page example unless the business really uses all of FB’s aspects along with a solid content strategy they won’t get anywhere. In the case of the business not selling anything but having physical and online stores, you can have the best products or services in the world but if you don’t market them, you can’t sell them. In the case of the generic products, yes, there will always be a need for generic products, but why be generic if you can bring something unique to the marketplace?
Today I would encourage you to sit down and take a look at the things that have presented as issues or you’re concerned about and look a bit deeper into them and see if you’re missing the real issue.
I was talking recently with a client about the business review we had just done and she said how she thought she was really on top of things before the review and now realizes how much more she could/should be doing, which got me thinking about success. Success isn’t usually something you achieve and are done, it’s something that’s often a very long and winding journey that often takes a long time and you reach victories in stages. That may sound frustrating, but there’s a simple truth that I told my client that I think makes all the difference: where you start.
If you’re starting with a good product, a good service, the right intentions, a good group of people, or a good love, in other words a solid foundation, you can go anywhere with it! If you start with something that’s junk and you add bells, whistles, wrappings and trappings to it to try and make it look like something it’s not (something better than it is), you won’t get very far for very long. People are better than ever at picking out the duds, more vocal about their dissatisfaction, and quicker to leave a bad situation than ever before.
So if you’re feeling frustrated by, tired of, or missing something in your life, business, relationship or work this week, I’d encourage you to see if you can take a few steps back and find where it started. Did it start with something good, did it start with something you put up with, did you jump in before really considering things, or did you know it wasn’t great from the beginning but hoped it would get better? And if you’re thinking of starting something this week, start with the right foundation so that you’ll achieve stronger and more victorious success.
This month one of the things we’re talking about is the topic of success, so today I thought we’d talk about setting our kids, and the kids of the world, up for success. As the adults of the world we can either help the next generation or hurt it, and I’d rather them have a better world than the one we live in than worse. Let’s look at 3 things that can help set kids up for success.
Set a good example. The first way you can set your kids up for success is by setting a good example and being on top of your own responsibilities. Having a messy house, not trying to get a job when things are tight, not having healthy practices for yourself, not managing your finances well, and having terrible relationships and interactions with others aren’t the things you want to teach your kids. They learn by what they see and hear from the adults around them (and often imitate it), just like we learn from the people we listen to and what we see them doing.
Let them learn. Sometimes the only way they can get to success is to do it themselves or with very little guidance from you. Sometimes what they need is to give it a try (or a dozen tries) until they get better at math or baseball or skating or painting, or whatever they’re interested in or struggling with that’s essential for them to know. Encourage them to get out and do stuff with friends, try new foods and go new places, expose them to different parts of the world in whatever way you can (books, TV, the internet, vacations), and give them choices so that they have to learn to make decisions.
Teach them to contribute. I’ve been seeing the commercial again about the kid who flies paper airplane messages over the neighbor’s tall wood fence thinking they’ll get to his dad who is overseas. The neighbor decides to contribute and sends them off to the dad, who sends back a box of his own airplane messages and the neighbor flies them back over to the boy. No, the neighbor didn’t have to get involved, but he knew that he could play a positive role in keeping the boy’s relationship with his dad alive while they’re separated. You can teach your kids to contribute too by having them donate some of their old toys or clothes to needy kids, or packing a care box for a service person overseas.
So how will you set your kids up for success?
This month one of the things we’ll be talking about is the topic of success. Last week we talked about taking time to explore your business because as we run our businesses there are lots of things that we can miss going on in our business as we work hard to support our customers, as well as how the business world is evolving and changing. Part of success is being able to work with and through changes. Change is something we all face, whether we want to or not, and while some things are timeless, there are many things that are not.
Today I wanted to share a little insight that I heard this past week. Success isn’t just about what you know, but it’s about being courageous enough to admit what you don’t know and find the answers and/or ask for help. Success can be a one-time thing (one hit wonder), but very few people are satisfied with a one-time success. I don’t think we should be satisfied with the one success we’ve had or even with the past successes we’ve had. True success is a journey, and very few people, if any, know the full journey before they start out.
While there are some prodigies in the business world, most people start someplace with some knowledge or skill and go from there. That means that there’s probably a whole lot they don’t know, and there’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, some of your greatest successes, or victories, can come from figuring out what you don’t know, or what’s wrong and gaining the knowledge you need or fixing the issue. So this month I encourage you to throw aside the idea of perfect success, and instead work on success steps. If you keep moving forward from success to success, from improvement to improvement, you’ll grow your business and help more people too.
So let’s be honest: what don’t you know, or what are you struggling with? I encourage you to post your question in the comments section below.
Have you visited a haunted attraction before, whether one of those “authentic ghost tours” or a Halloween transformation of a roller coaster or related park? Maybe you went on a dare from a friend or because all of your friends were going, and maybe you even convinced yourself to work one, and on the small chance you haven’t been to one or been part of one, you’ve probably seen some of them on TV. Maybe you ended up enjoying it, but maybe you went through the attraction just because you didn’t want to look like a wimp or to prove to yourself you could do it.
Sometimes we have to be willing to take on our fears or do things that we really don’t think we want to do. Sometimes it’s about proving to ourselves that we’ve got the courage, or to get over a fear, or because we really care about or want to support the person who asked us along. Sometimes though, it’s just about having fun and seeing the creativity that other people come up with.
The same is true for victories, sometimes we have to go through the tough stuff to get to the good stuff. Sometimes we have to do things we’re not necessarily so interested in to get to success. Sometimes we have to kiss a few frogs before we find the prince. Of course we all wish we could skip the issues and just get to the victory, but in many cases, then the victory wouldn’t really seem like one. Of course you can shorten the hills you have to climb by hiring other people to do the less awesome stuff or to help guide you, and you can learn from other people’s mistakes and not do what they did.
So this week I would encourage you to take on something you’ve been avoiding or afraid of doing, or have that conversation you’ve been skipping, in the spirit of Halloween and facing your fears.