Explanations are tough. There are many funny stories and explanations that people have come up with for kids with regards to the typically titled ‘birds and the bees’ discussion, but that’s only one of the many things that parents have to explain to their kids throughout their lifetimes. Sometimes those discussions are hard when they have to talk about things like Alzheimer’s or violent/racial incidents. Others are just part of the course of life like sex and Santa. There’s definitely a wrong way to have discussions, one of the worst things can be refusing to have any discussion at all.
One of the hardest things is not having a good explanation, there are some things that you just can’t explain, and some things that the truth is very hard to accept or believe. A really simple example would be some of those cop/investigation shows where they get to the end of the investigation and it seems like 3 random things happened and as a result someone’s dead. It sounds kind of logical, but at the same time really doesn’t seem like it, and it’s even harder to accept that that’s actually something that happened in real life.
But explanations are important to us, regardless of the age we are. We like knowing how things work, how they’re connected or what leads/led to what. Explanations are great because so often we’re able to get one, with as much investigating as we’ve done over the years and as connected as we are in this day and age thanks to technology. But as I said, sometimes the explanation doesn’t make sense. Sometimes you can investigate further and find out how it does make sense, but other times you’re left at a loss and unable to make heads or tails of it.
In the case of the extreme flooding parts of the world have seen over the past year, several serious shooting incidents including the one in Christchurch a day or so ago, there really isn’t a good answer to give your children, or yourself. Sometimes bad things just happen. So in response you can teach your kids to be smarter, more caring, more considerate and to always do the research. You can’t protect those you love from harm, but you can give them the tools to make the world a better place, and give them the best chance possible to have a life filled with less hurt and loss.
You know, it’s a lot easier if we get things right the first time. But the fact is few of us are close enough to perfect to not have to go back and proofread our work or do a second interview or ask follow up questions or try another marketing campaign or have to practice before we become good at something. And sometimes we never truly get it right and just get it a little more right with each attempt, and that’s as good as it gets, like with parenting and many of the other ever-changing aspects of our lives.
I get it, we’re in such a rush and there’s so much on our plates that it would be easier if everything worked out the first time, but it often doesn’t. Today I was reminded that sometimes second chances are awesome. Sometimes that redo is something much more productive and successful than the first try could have ever been. Sometimes you learn and grow more from the second (or third) chance or try than you do from the first. Sometimes you meet someone or make a connection that would have never been made if you didn’t have to do a redo. Maybe the redo isn’t so bad after all.
What if the second chance, the opportunity to redo something, the second round was actually a good thing? What if instead of giving firsts all the power we instead started to value the seconds? What if instead of hating the time it took to go through additional rounds, instead we cherished the relationships it helped build, the opportunity to make things better, and the things it taught us? What if instead of trying to be perfect on the first try, we just let our brilliance loose for the first round and then took care of the details in following rounds? How would your life be better and different if you stopped trying for perfection on the first try?
The new year has arrived and we’re almost a week in! I love that we have life divided into days, months, years and lifetimes. It helps us to process better and plan both short-term and long-term goals which give us small and large victories throughout our lives. Each one is filled with a different set of opportunities for us to live and love and build relationships and be successful.
I don’t always go with a year theme, but lots of people do. I’ve seen lots of different words this year including spaciousness, time, intention, substance, experience, purpose, promise, change and clarity. This year I’ll be doing something different and not doing monthly themes for every month as I’ve done in the past, but instead going with a yearly theme. This year’s theme is going to be ‘today.’
Why ‘today’? Not because of how fast-paced our world is, but rather because I want us to take a step back and live in today, accomplish things today, appreciate today, learn from today and enjoy today. Yes, we’ll still talk about goals, planning, the future, and the bigger picture, but I want to focus on appreciating, enjoying and acting on each day.
As we’re constantly reminded of in the news each day is a gift. What you do in that day may make or break your future. It can overcome what you’ve done in the past. You can end the day satisfied with what you got done that day or feeling like it was all a waste. It may be one of your last days, will you look back and know you lived it well?
We’re at the tail end of the official start to the holiday season, we’ve done Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. Today has been Giving Tuesday. I’ve gotten over 300 emails requesting donations today, and I’m sure you’ve had quite a few as well. I donate every month to a number of organizations, so it’s not the reminder to donate for me that it is for so many. I think Giving Tuesday is a great way to finish off this official start to the holiday season, and get us back into thinking about what it’s really all about, and that’s giving to others.
In business and the study of the economy we talk about numbers a lot, and each year the spending on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday has increased, which makes many business owners happy. But we don’t really talk about the numbers as far as what’s given each year to non-profits, so here’s one for you: already over $45 million has been raised on this Giving Tuesday. That’s $45 million more veterans, children, and women being helped. More people with disabilities given the support they need. More faith-based organizations spreading their message around the world. I would say that’s a successful day of giving.
As I was thinking about Giving Tuesday and the whole concept of giving in the holiday season, I was reminded that we really give all year long. We choose how much we give of ourselves to our careers, our families, our communities, our planet and even ourselves every day. Some days we give more than others because the numbers line up. Sometimes we’re more passionate about something or someone so we give them more of ourselves. And of course on other days and to other people and projects we give very little because we don’t approve or just don’t have anything left to give.
Ultimately, if we don’t give there won’t be success. Our jobs won’t get done, our partners won’t be loved, the earth will fall apart, our children won’t be taught, our bodies will suffer, our communities will decline and there won’t be much hope for the next generation. So I would encourage you to check in with yourself today and this week and see what kind of giving you’re doing on a regular basis. Are you giving to the people and things that matter most to you, things that you would be sad to see gone if they weren’t successful? How can you be a better giver today?
Each week, each day, we make thousands of choices in our lives. Our life is like one of those “choose your own adventure” books in which the choice you make determines what happens next. One thing may not ruin the ending, or bring us closer to success, but each choice we make does have an impact on our lives. If you make a really wrong choice you’ll end up on countless evening news stations as the talk of the day (or those crazy afternoon shows if you really mess up). But if you make a really good choice you’ll find doors opening for you and relationship possibilities you never thought could happen.
Victories in the truest sense are only accomplished when all parties win. This means we have to learn how to work together rather than fight, and do our best not to hurt others , and work hard to not hurt others to the point that they would seek justice. It only ends up setting all of our victories back further.
Why? Because as Mahatma Gandhi said: “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” If you’re so focused on getting justice for how you perceive you were wronged you’ll only bring to pass what Gandhi predicts: the whole world will end up in turmoil trying to get their wrongs played out on those that hurt them. This isn’t how we accomplish victories though. A punishment will never truly right a wrong, but it’s what we think is our best option for serving justice, and has been for centuries.
With every choice, action, or lack thereof making an impact on your future you would think more of us would do the right thing more often. It can get frustrating that we don’t see the progress, but one day we’ll realize exactly how far we’ve come and how many pages we’ve turned and we’ll either be thrilled or mad. If you were to turn the page and find that tomorrow morning your story ended, how would you feel? Choose to make this a week that gets you even a little closer to your goals.
As we head into what is the busiest shopping season of the year for many businesses, I think it’s a good opportunity to talk about customers and customer loyalty. As a business you have to have customers, otherwise you won’t be in business very long. The next thing to consider is whether most of your customers are repeat customers, or if you offer things that people buy once or extremely rarely. If you offer something, say heart surgery or roofing, you probably will ever work with someone once. But if you offer something like ice cream or hair cuts, and you’re not having repeat customers, something probably has to change. Here’s what one very successful entrepreneur had to say:
“Customers aren’t loyal. And it’s a waste of time trying to convince them to be….Life changes. Priorities change. Competition changes. In reality, almost no one is 100% loyal….Fact: 87% of a brand’s customers don’t stick to just that brand. They’re promiscuous at best. And if they’re offered something better, they’re gone.” Ramit Sethi
Those are some pretty serious percentages. So the question becomes: do we even try to gain customer loyalty? The first answer that comes to mind is that if you don’t give any effort to making your customers come back, few probably will. The second thing to consider is that it’s consistently proven to be cheaper in all ways to keep customers coming back than to gain new customers. The third thing to consider is that even if you have a service or product that’s purchased maybe once in a lifetime you can still gain loyal customers, it’s just not the same type of loyalty. Fourth, if you ask employees who really love your company about their favorite customers, they’ll often tell you that they enjoy connecting with the “regulars.” Fifth, loyal customers are those who share about your great products or services with their friends, and/or leave you nice testimonials you can use to get more customers.
One thing to remember is that everyone is human and everyone goes through changes in their life. So it’s really unrealistic to expect that every customer would stay with your business and your products and/or services for the full duration of their life (or their need for that product/service). But my answer is that we should work on making customers loyal, or at the very least, increasing the amount of times they purchase from us. Whether you use email newsletters, social media, events, physical mailings, a blog, a loyalty card or even just new products or services that are in line with those you already offer, there are tons of ways that you can build loyalty and encourage repeat customers. What are your favorite ways to connect with your customers and build relationships with those who are loyal to you and love you?
Do you get up every day with a list of expectations for yourself, the people in your life and the world around you? Lately I’ve been taking time to consider my expectations of the world and think about what they might be and what I really want out of my life. Part of it has to do with the passing of a family friend, part of it has to do with the hate I’ve been seeing some people share, and part of it has to do with wanting more out of life because life’s really not worth wasting.
This month one of the things we’re talking about is the topic of fun and I think fun has an important role to play in making sure we make the most of our lives. It can be both a motivator of encouraging us to get the work done so we’ve got the resources to have fun as well as one to make the time to have that fun and take time off as well. We do have an expectation of making sure we care for our families, and I think it’s an important one to uphold. There are people around the world who don’t make decisions in light of how it will affect the people who matter the most to them. But in the same conversation we do have a responsibility to be part of our loved ones lives, and not at work all the time trying to provide for them.
So what’s a person to do? If you’re at work working tons of hours because you’re not making enough per hour/day to support your family, it’s time to upgrade and update your skill set. If you’re at work all day because you work on a fantastic cause, it’s time to get some new people involved. If you’re at work all the time because you don’t want to be with your family, it’s time for a serious evaluation of and conversation about your life. If you’re spending all your time on fun and avoiding the work there must be a reason why. Maybe it’s because you really don’t enjoy your work, or maybe simply because reality hasn’t smacked you yet. Whatever the case is I encourage you to take a look at your expectations for your life present and future and see if where you’re at and how your days currently go line up with that expectation.
Love is a powerful emotion. Emotion might even be too weak a word to use to describe what love is, because love is more than feeling happy, or sad; love lasts, endures and exists through those times of highs and lows. Love makes our happiness conditional on the other person’s happiness. Simply, love means we want those we love happy, and if they’re not happy we’re not either. This is one area where all of the technological advancements of the past few decades have really made a big impact: it’s even easier to spread the love around even when we can’t be that physical shoulder to cry on. You can send love through a Facebook or email message, a quick tweet or text, or send it over as a big photograph.
One of the greatest abilities love has is the ability to tear down barriers of loneliness and separation. The only reason distance relationships work ever is because the love in that relationship is powerful and well developed. Love doesn’t consider our differences, it just sees people and hearts. Love isn’t concerned with politics or culture, it just wants to break down walls. When we let love in it can do powerful things in our lives and in the lives of those connected with us.
However, it’s not just about being loved, it’s about loving too. It’s one reason people who suffer from depression are told to get pets or do community service or spend time with kids: you feel better when you’re spreading love and helping others. But just like many other things in our lives, love is a choice. It’s a choice we have to make on a daily (or hourly) basis. It’s a choice no one can make for us, and one we can’t make for them. If you don’t want to feel alone, do something about it! Choose to accept the love that is all around you and make it part of your life.
“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” John Bulwer
One of the things we struggle with is productivity. We’re good at getting distracted, find other things that need our attention, and are often overbooking our schedules. I get it-we want to keep everyone happy, take advantage of all the great opportunities for ourselves and our kids and fully experience life. However, as scattered and distracted as we are it’s seriously hurting our quality of life, not to mention the stuff that we actually end up accomplishing at the end of the day, and how we feel about what we accomplish. Sometimes we’re so over-committed we’re not only overbooked, we’re not getting the important stuff done, and sometimes we’re not getting anything done at all.
The first step is to realize that you’ve got an issue and decide to get help, and maybe it’s as simple as admitting it to a trusted colleague or your partner. But most people need to reach out to a strategist or organizer to help them restructure their life and make tough decisions.
Once that first step has happened the next thing that needs to happen is prioritizing. What is truly a priority? What are you pretending is a priority? What are you ignoring? Who are you letting down? These are some very difficult questions to face and answer, but they’re necessary.
After you’ve decided what’s important, it’s time to start making changes in your life and scheduling in the things that are truly priorities and putting to the side things that aren’t. These changes won’t happen over night but do take time.
Finally, now that you’re more productive and prioritizing what’s actually important, there’s one more step: learning to say no. One of the reasons you got into the mess in the first place is because you were filling your life with things that were and weren’t good for you. Learning how to say and mean no in your life is one of the biggest keys to truly having a life you love, and a life that’s productive as well.
I’m still doing some reflecting and considering as we work into this new year. 2016 felt like being in a cement mixer at times for some of us, it certainly didn’t seem like a smooth ride personally or in the world. As I’ve been reading a number of posts at the end of the year and the beginning of this one, I identified with what a number of people were saying about the year that just ended and how they felt about it, what they ended up doing in that year and of course where they’re headed in this new year.
For many 2016 ended up being a year of personal growth, not so much professional, although plenty of people and companies did have a very successful year. For some 2016 was so bumpy that it was hard to even identify or understand that until new year reflections happened. So if your year was anything like mine, I’m going to encourage you to work through these questions over this week before you give up on your resolutions and/or before you make final decisions about where you want this coming year to go:
What was your best memory? What was your worst memory? What was your biggest accomplishment? What was your most satisfying victory?
What goals do you have for 2017? What relationships are you going to create or work on in 2017? What do you want to stop doing in 2017? What needs to most change in 2017?
Just how good can life get? Will this be a courageous year for me? What will make you happy? What will you love?
As I do my own reflecting and consider where I’m taking things this year, I’d love to hear from you what you would like from me in this blog and/or in what I offer in my business? How can I best help you make more victories in your life and what are you struggling with?