I was rewatching one of my favorite CSI episodes the other day and a scene in the show got me thinking again about what we really need to be teaching the next generation, and quite frankly what skills we as adults need to be more conscientiously applying as appropriate in our lives and careers. And recent conversations I had with different people just reinforced how important these skills are for many reasons, both personal and professional.
Let’s start with one of the ones I talk about frequently: communication. This time the communication skill has to do with the words that are chosen, not the fact that everyone needs to communicate more often. For example there’s a big difference between “I hate you” and “I’m really struggling with my feelings right now” or “let’s discuss this” vs “I’m going to tell you what to do” or “you have no privileges because of your actions” vs “your mom/dad and I are going to talk about this and decide if a punishment is appropriate.” Be careful and considerate of the words you choose, because there can be a huge spectrum between words that are in the same category or have similar meaning, and going too far or not far enough on the spectrum can cause everyone unnecessary stress or confusion.
Next, you can almost always be more patient. While sometimes we do give people too many chances to fix things or wait too long for people to get back to us or do the right thing, the truth is that usually we could give someone another minute or two to really hear their story, ask them clarifying questions to make sure we’re all on the same page, or even just not make them feel like they have 10 seconds to share something with us before we’re off to the next thing. I know that each minute is precious and that we don’t want to waste time, but is it really wasting time if in being more patient with other people your life is richer and brings more smiles to your face and theirs?
The last one for today has to do with heart. When was the last time you did something that warmed not only your heart but the heart of someone else? Like leaving them a handwritten note on their desk or bed or lunchbox, sharing a song with them that made you think of them, remembering their favorite treats and bringing them those treats, making time to make sweet memories with them, or using heart-felt words to show them you noticed something they did or just how much you appreciate them for being who they are. These little things can make such a huge difference in improving someone’s day, giving them hope and making anyone feel special and seen.
It’s always important to back our words up with actions, but sometimes charging forward isn’t the right move. Sometimes the more thoughtful, attentive, considerate approach is not only the way to healthier relationships and more success, but more peace, more respect and more teamwork within and between people and communities. What soft skills like these have you been working on with your kids or yourself lately?