Christmas Wishes

I believe in magic, do you? I may not believe that Santa visits all the homes in the world in one night anymore (some studies say it would actually take Santa and his elves 6 months to properly visit each house with no time-warping involved), but I know that there’s still a special magic in the air during this time of year and surrounding the celebrations of Christmas too. You see it in the face of every child who gets excited when they find the elf in the morning or talks about what happens at the North Pole, as they stare in wonder at the tall trees brightly lit, and even in their excitement in wanting to buy presents to give to their family (to supplement Santa’s gifts of course).

One of my favorite Santa-adjacent traditions at Christmas is buying gifts for service members and families in need. It warms your heart to be able to bring just a bit of joy to their lives in ways that they wouldn’t have otherwise, even if (especially if?) they don’t know who you are. Because it’s not something you do to be recognized, you do it to fulfill a Christmas wish and spread a little Christmas cheer.

This Christmas as I’ve been adding Christmas cheer wherever I can in my life and going through my usual Christmas activities plus a few that aren’t so Christmassy, I’ve been reflecting on people who have been part of my Christmases over the years, including people who I won’t see this Christmas or people who have passed on. It never ceases to amaze me which memories pop up and what pulls those memories from the depths of our minds, and it’s been a very special experience to be remembering these moments that I haven’t thought about in years and helps ease the sadness of missing those people at this time of year and wishing they were here to celebrate again with us.

While I know that Santa (or God) won’t deliver all of our Christmas wishes under the tree or into our lives on this Christmas, I won’t stop wishing for things, dreaming big dreams, embracing the creative and magical, and believing in miracles. If you’ve been feeling a little more like the Grinch this year than Santa, I remind you of how his story ends: his heart grows 3 sizes when he understands the true meaning of Christmas, but only because he chose to check on the villagers and see if they were as miserable as he thought they would be (they weren’t). Whether you find that magic and meaning under the tree, in a church pew, singing carols at the senior center or gathered around the table with family and friends, remember that it’s there if you’re willing to look for it. What are you wishing for or discovering this Christmas?

December is for Celebrating

How do you celebrate the holidays? I love that this time of year has so many different specific celebrations and even within those celebrations we all have different ways that we embrace the magic, joy and heart of the season. Even though I don’t have time or inclination to fully celebrate all the different holidays during this time of year, they all still bring me joy. Just the other day I got an email with the subject line of “My favorite Advent tradition has piñatas.” Seeing that in my inbox just made me smile and brought me an important and needed reminder to not forget the joy of this season.

As with many years in the past I’m noticing the ways that each of the different celebrations connect us or are connected. Yes, each holiday has their own story or practices that are unique to them, for example only Chanukah has a menorah and only Christmas has Santa, but there are a lot of things that tie each celebration together. Chanukah, Christmas, Las Posadas and Kwanza all include light as a central aspect of their celebrations and the story behind their celebrations. Chanukah, Christmas, Las Posadas all remind us about our faith and how it still plays a role in our lives today. All the holidays invite us to gather together and remember others in different ways, and there are food and gifts for all who celebrate.

As I reflect back on that email though I’m reminded that like so many other good things, with work comes a reward. You don’t get the treats from the piñata unless you beat it up until it breaks open. You don’t get to eat the Christmas cookies unless you bake them. You don’t get to share gifts unless you shop for them. You can’t really appreciate the religious aspects of the holidays unless you spend some time studying the stories, singing the songs and doing the activities that are central to the celebration like prayers and Bible readings around the Advent wreath, acting out the journey of Mary and Joseph, and lighting the Menorah candles. I don’t find most of the work that’s involved in the holidays to be torturous or overly stressful, I find it to be just part of how we celebrate the holidays and necessary time to reflect on all that the holidays mean to me. It’s actually in those moments of work that I’m able to reflect on how blessed I am and the people in my life who I’m so thankful for and the meaningful gifts that come with all the celebrations during this time of year. What holidays do you and your family celebrate during this time of year and what is meaningful to you about them and how you celebrate them?

Holiday Plans and Magic

I love the holiday season. This year there seems to be a little extra magic in the air. Hopefully it will last through the new year. As we get into the heart of the Christmas season I wanted to raise the idea of going wherever and doing whatever the magic leads. The holidays bring with them so many awesome opportunities, many that we don’t have during the year, and if we’re willing and able to be a little more flexible with our lives, hours, commitments and bed times, we can have a ton of fun both as a couple and as a family.

That said, one of the keys to that being something that works out and is as much fun as it could be, is the importance of planning ahead and having the basics squared away. Plan a crock pot or instant pot meal for at least one day of the week, or several if you’re making something larger that will feed you more than once. Have assigned laundry and cleaning duties so that everyone contributes to keeping the house running but no one is overwhelmed with chores. Talk with the kids about homework, project and studying responsibilities and make sure you’re all on the same page about what’s coming up in the weeks before winter break. And finally, hopefully you’ve done most of your holiday shopping already, but if not, try to get it all done as soon as possible, or at least have a list of what you plan to purchase for everyone.

Being committed to following the holiday magic as it leads and planning ahead can help you and your family have a fun and less-stressed holiday season. What plans are you making this holiday season?

Advent Calendar Mini-Dates

My partner and I are big holiday fans. We love the movies, the songs, the stories, the decorations, the treats, and everything. But December is also his busiest month, and I’m certainly not sitting home watching Christmas movies and eating those during-Christmas-calories-don’t-count cookies either. So it can be easy for us to miss out on a lot of the together time that we want to have because of how busy we are. A couple of years ago we were gifted an Advent calendar, and not one of those that has pieces of chocolate in them, but one that requires more than 10 seconds of your time. Opening a “door” each day became a really positive way to spend just a little bit of time and do something very seasonal together. We haven’t done it the past few years, but (don’t tell him!) I got us one for this year and I’m excited to be able to connect in that way again this holiday season.

Maybe you don’t have even the extra 5 or 10 minutes each day to do an Advent calendar together or don’t want to buy one each year (if it costs less than a date night does, it’s worth it, especially since you may not have as many date nights this month because of all the holiday gatherings). If that’s the case, maybe you divvy chores up that can be done in the same room, like one of you cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes while the other does the cookie baking and treat making. Or folding the laundry together each day to Christmas music. Or getting in a little exercise and walking the dog together while you talk about holiday plans and memories. Or one of you doing work on the laptop/tablet while the other decorates the Christmas tree.

The point is that there are many ways to get all that needs to be done this month completed while still getting in some quality relationship time. It may not look like it usually does but that’s even better because not only is so much else different during this time of year, it’s also good to give your relationship some refreshing too from time to time. Of course if you can find time to get out and do couple things during the holidays, especially those that give you two time to connect and be, and not just those that are filled with other people, that’s great too. But I know how fast December gets full and busy, so it may be better for your relationship if you work on finding 5 or 10 minutes to really connect each day rather than trying to fit in big, committed events and activities. How do you and your partner connect and spend time together during the holidays?

Making Peace for the Holidays Part 2

In the last family post I shared about making the changes and choices to the things you do in and for your holiday season so that it’s filled with more peace than ever. Today I thought we’d talk about one of the more challenging peace topics: making peace with people. Any time of year is a great time to work on fixing a relationship of course, but why not tap into the magic of the holiday season for a little extra boost to fixing those relationships that might be challenged, hurt, damaged or outright broken? This season of the year puts most of us in at least a little better mood (except when we’re driving) and has most of us opening our minds and hearts to what life could be, and with all the celebrations and events that happen, there’s a really good chance that you’ll both be at the same event, and why would you want to be, at the very least, uncomfortable when you could be in a healing stage instead, which would make the event much more appealing and enjoyable?

Like we said last time, peace starts with a choice. You have to choose to fix that relationship, you have to decide that that person is someone you either want in your life or will be in your life for one reason or another (i.e. they’re blood or the parent of your kids), you have to approach them or they have to approach you, and on one level or another both of you have to be open to a different relationship than you currently have. Yes, some people are outright stubborn, but for so many of us time heals and changes so much, so when we do broach the possibility of making peace things are different than they were and while the past isn’t erased or irrelevant, you’re both different people now and it’s a different time, which means that what separated you may not be as important or matter as much as your future together.

One last challenge: maybe it’s not you and them who has to make peace, but just you with yourself. Maybe they don’t have a problem with you, you’ve always been the one that’s put up walls, or treated them differently, or had some reason why you just couldn’t be friends or family with them (especially one that has to do with politics, religion, sex or one of the other very divisive topics). If you really want peace, maybe it’s time to reconsider your attitude towards and treatment of them. Maybe you can find a way to be cordial and respectful without crossing boundaries that you’ve set for yourself. Maybe there’s enough common ground between you that the common ground is more important than the differences and you’re at a place in your life where you’re ready to listen and make peace instead of taking sides.

Is there a relationship in your life that could use a little peace? Is this the right time to start working on healing it? What relationships have you turned around into ones of peace and possibility?

Making Peace for the Holidays Part 1

I was listening to my partner do a live video on the topic of peace the other day and all I could think about was the peace I was feeling because I had picked up our turkey. It sounds silly, especially with how many songs and banners and stories talk about peace during the holidays, but for some of us the holidays aren’t totally a source of peace, they’ve got areas of stress in them too. Even as a kid I could remember being stressed about whether or not Santa got my list and if I would get anything on it or what I would get on it (and what “extras” he would think I needed that I’d have to pretend to be excited about), stressed about how I looked for the special holiday services, stressed about my lines and songs for the choir performances we did, stressed about finding time to go shopping with each parent for the other parent, and of course stressed about how many of the Christmas cookies Santa was going to eat when he stopped by with the reindeer!

Yes, I’m playing up the stress a bit here, but stress is just as much a part of the holiday season as Christmas lights, carols, cookies, gathering and gift giving. The older I get the more willing I am to bend and move things around a bit so that there’s less stress on everyone. For example, as you may have guessed we’re baking our turkey early so that neither of us has stress around trying to get it cooked when we’re working 12+ hour days in the days surrounding and including Thanksgiving. What we do for Christmas Day depends on whether either of us is working and rarely now do we travel to my parents in the days surrounding the holiday proper so that we don’t have to deal with the other crazies on the road or consider what the weather might feel like doing. And I can’t forget to mention that we’re all about the Christmas list and totally not ashamed about it!

So what can you do to have more peace in your home throughout the holiday season? Maybe it’s a letter from Santa to your kids saying that He got their Christmas list and he’s working on it. Maybe it’s setting out clothes the night before with kids for holiday gatherings (might be helpful for you too!). Maybe it’s letting everyone open something on Christmas Eve so that the edge is taken off the excitement and maybe they (and you) get some sleep on Christmas Day. Maybe it’s taking a Hanukkah approach to Christmas and spreading the activities out over 8 days rather than just one or two. Maybe it’s baking cookies early so you can enjoy them in moderation through the whole month. Maybe it’s working with the family to divvy up tasks (more so than usual) so that everyone’s involved and everything gets done. Maybe it’s instituting an ‘only Christmas music’ rule after a certain hour of the day to get kids off of TV, computers and devices. Maybe it is buying yourself that holiday beverage that you enjoy each day with an intentional break. What are your suggestions for adding more peace to our holidays?

Struggling with and Celebrating Christmas

Sometimes it’s hard to celebrate the holidays because as an adult you’ve got responsibilities the kids don’t, right? Yes, I suppose it’s hard making a list for Santa and waiting for gift time and going to sleep so Santa can come, but this morning I woke up and knew I had to wrap a few gifts for my partner that would involve boxing some clothes and sighed because I knew I’d have to deal with cleanup and putting the boxes away after we celebrate and share gifts. It puts a bit of a damper on this special season doesn’t it to think about the laundry list of things that happens behind the scenes that you’re responsible for? It’s totally worth it to see the smiles and hear the “thank you’s!” but what about the adult feelings you have?

The other day on my other blog as part of my Peace Perspectives blog series I’m doing this month I shared about how I find the Christmas tree gives me the space to reflect on those adult feelings and still find the peace and celebrate the joy of the season. I think it’s perfectly healthy to struggle with spending all that you did on gifts, or thinking about the amount of time you invest in decorating and cooking and baking this time of year, or struggle with who you’re spending the holidays with and who can’t be with you.

I think it’s healthy to feel these feelings, that’s part of being human, but I don’t let them stay with me throughout and ruin the joy and celebration of Christmas. If you are struggling and can’t let them go, maybe the gift you give to yourself this holiday season is to work with a counselor or pastor consistently in the new year. But if it’s just normal, passing grief, depression, loss and dealing with feelings of responsibility, my encouragement to you is to do your best to intentionally put them aside for at least a few hours tomorrow, and to take time this coming week to take a break and do something good for yourself. Maybe that’s sending the kids (who are off) to spend the day with friends, or sending them to be with the grandparents for the day (or a couple of days), or trading off with your partner so that both of you have some time off, or maybe what will make you the happiest is to do something special with the kids this week.

Christmas is a reminder that there is much to be celebrated and appreciated from the ways that communities come together with lit trees and homes, churches welcome in people who don’t stop by that often, people gather together, and cookies are baked. People give gifts as tangible indications of the appreciation and love they have for others, which means that for every gift you receive someone values having you in their life. So whether you’re celebrating the fact that you’ve made it to another Christmas, you’ve baked all the tasty cookies, you successfully wrapped all the gifts, you were able to make your usual donations to the organizations that matter to you this year, you worked on mending relationships that have been strained for years, or you’ve got a family who you love and they love you, I invite you to celebrate today, tomorrow and in the last few days of this year. Let’s end this year not ignoring the issues or struggles of life and being an adult, but not letting them hold us back from celebrating.

Lessons in Leadership: Santa

For our last leader of the year I thought we’d take a seasonally appropriate look one of the men of the Christmas season: Santa. The fact that a fictional character could even be considered as a leader worth profiling gives a clue to not only how recognizable he is but also the enduring impact of his legacy for hundreds of years now (all the way back to Saint Nick in the 4th century!). Let’s talk about what we can learn from him as a leader and some things we can apply to the new year that’s just around the corner.

First: Santa knows all about planning. Yes, leaders know how to act on their feet based on rapidly changing information, but there should be a lot less of that because they did a really good job planning ahead. There are multiple important aspects to the plan that makes Santa a great leader. First, there’s a specific timeline: 364 days of gift creating and sled packing and 1 day of delivery. We’ll allow for the holiday magic that makes that one day possible, and focus on the 364 days of creating and packing because that’s what’s really important here. He doesn’t make them get it all done on different schedules, or some years shorter than others, it’s always the same so both he and the elves know how much time they have for planning and strategizing and learning how to create new toys before they have to get to creating. And he knows if he has more gifts to create and there need to be new elves hired, there needs to be different technology implemented, or other changes made, everyone understands the timeline they have to work with and how long it will be before they’re behind based on past experience.

Second: Santa’s got a great story. Every leader knows how to weave a story that touches on the emotions not only on their customers but also on the team that’s supporting the leader. If Santa hadn’t come up with such a touching story and plan to impact billions of kids’ lives, it would be a lot harder to want to work that hard 364 days of the year for the elves. And Santa wouldn’t be a household name that has been around for hundreds of years if the people of the world didn’t believe in the magic this time of year and that there’s someone as generous, kind and community-minded as him who will consistently show up every December 25 with presents for good girls and boys.

Third: Santa has a specialized team. While I’ve never met an elf, I have to believe that they’re an incredibly specialized team of individuals. I don’t think Santa would put up a post on any of the popular job sites to do interviews with anyone who loves the holidays, he only works with the best who have specific skills and a heart for the work. I’m sure that makes it hard for him to find enough elves each year to keep up with demand, but considering that his reputation and that of his team hasn’t tarnished, clearly he’s still going the distance to make sure that the elves he hires are not only a good fit with the company, but also good at what they do.

Finally: Santa understands legacy. Not every organization or company will have a long term impact of hundreds of years, most exist for a season and then they’re not necessary or they’re demand has changed. Santa managed to create a service that will always be in demand, will always have a place and purpose (unless everyone in the world becomes independently wealthy and there’s world peace), and doesn’t have to change the core of who and what they are to connect with each new generation. There’s nothing wrong with having a seasonal (pun intended) business, a legacy business is not necessary or right for most businesses. But if you do decide to build a legacy business you have to consistently provide the quality service and quality product that you started with and understand the responsibility you have to not only all your people, but also to the story that is beloved by generations that got you started and has helped you thrive this long.

What could you learn about being a leader from this legendary figure?

The Right Way, the Wrong Way, and Every Other Way In Between

What were holidays like at your home growing up? I shared on the other blog recently about how my brother and I would sometimes get gifts that we didn’t ask for but the other did at Christmas, which is sometimes an accident but other times people do out of spite or because they think it’s funny, and it got me thinking about how even in this holiday season that inspires us to patience and goodwill towards all mankind mistakes are still made and we still have preferences and opinions. Many people are super particular about how their tree is decorated and which ornaments go where, while others are just happy to have the festive greenery and decorations in their home. Some people would never dream of buying gifts online if they don’t have to, while others have fully embraced the online world for shopping and would be glad to never step foot in a store again. Some people love wrapping gifts while others know that they’re putting the fate of the gift in a dangerous place if they’re told they have to wrap it and can’t use a bag. Some families and friends practice gifting before the start of the actual holiday, while others only gift on or after the holiday. And then we get to the holiday foods and I’m sure lots of people will tell you that certain things have to be baked or eaten during the holidays, or else it’s not the holiday season and of course other foods can’t be included or added to the holiday celebrations, and yet there are others who are just happy to be with friends and family and don’t care what ends up on the table.

The point being? To some people there’s a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things, while other people will say that there’s plenty of flexibility as long as it’s in the spirit of the holidays or taps into one of the many beloved traditions. I would be pretty sad if there weren’t Christmas lights, candles lit, gifts given, carols played and sung, friends and family seen, and lots of cookies, but the exact nature and timeline of all of that I’m flexible with.

As you know this isn’t just something we deal with during the holidays, but it’s something we have to navigate through during the entire year. And just because it’s the holiday season it doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes, get distracted, or do regular human things, because we definitely do. Even when we think we’ve checked things twice like Santa does sometimes we still do the wrong thing and end up really screwing things up because we’re flustered or impatient or excited or panicked. I do believe that most of the time most of us get things right or so close to right the little imperfections, failures, slip-ups or misunderstandings part of them don’t matter or we’re in the head space to fix decently or we’re able to write them off on the perspective of those little things are character or culture or an extra “gift” (that’s how some of the people I get newsletters from refer to spelling mistakes that may or may not be accidentally included in the email). You got a “gift” from me the other day of a preview of a blog post from the other blog which has a series on peace on it right now. In some ways I think it’s good that we have those moments of imperfection to help us practice navigating them even if it never gets more awesome to have them.

I don’t know what gifts will be under your tree or around your Menorah this holiday season but the gifts of patience, listening, love, time, forgiveness, communication and flexibility never go out of style. They may be hard to wrap up in a tidy package, but they may be the best gifts you give or get each year.

Success (Holiday) Connections

When the topic of success comes up there are usually a few names that spring to mind almost immediately. Many of us would think of Walt Disney, Bill Gates, Oprah, Serena Williams, Ariana Grande, or Tim Ferriss, and the name that I was reminded of this week is Warren Buffett. I mentioned in another post a few months back that I learned that Martha Stewart recently turned 81 which really surprised me because even though I know she’s been around the business world a long time, it didn’t seem possible that she has celebrated over 80 birthdays and yet she has! Well, Warren Buffett has her beat because he turned 92 this August.

There’s a lot to be said for age when it comes to success because you’ve had so many more years to try things, to experience things, to meet people, to learn from the world around us, and to build a network of people who can help you be successful. And becoming a senior citizen doesn’t mean that you know it all and are naturally successful, because more birthdays don’t mean you’re becoming more perfect, just that you’ve lived more. So learning hasn’t stopped for either Martha Stewart or Warren Buffet, or it can’t if they want to stay successful in this changing world that we live in.

So if you want to be as successful as they are or at least have success until you’re 81 or 92 what should you do? Obviously keep learning and living, because without either of those it’s unlikely you can have lasting, continued success. But the second thing I would encourage you to focus on is about connecting and connections. When I learned that Warren Buffet turned 92 immediately I heard an echo of a song in my head which was a big spark for this post. It’s a seasonal song, one you’re probably familiar with and ties in on so many levels with exactly what we’re talking about today: The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire). The pertinent stanza of the song is as follows:

“…And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you…”

I know that many pass off the holiday songs as just child’s play or quaint traditions, but if you take the time to listen to them, you’ll see that a good portion of them have more than just holiday cheer and dollar signs in them, they’ve got a lot of wisdom too. The lyrics of The Christmas Song remind us that it’s good to make connections, that all ages are important and can contribute, that you have to keep working at life, that there are many ways to say things, and that sometimes it’s the simple things that not only matter the most, but speak the loudest to us.

As we enter into this holiday season maybe what your success journey needs most is a break. If it’s been a really productive year for you, maybe it’s time to take a rest. Or maybe the end of the year is the time you put things into high gear and really make significant progress on your success journey. But even if you choose to spend a lot of time resting and rejoicing over the next month, I encourage you to still make time for connections. Because life does continue on after the holidays: we’ll have more birthdays, work more days, fail in new and unfortunately spectacular ways, and want to make progress on our success journeys. Which means that there’s never really a bad time to make a connection, even if it’s a simple introduction that doesn’t really develop into anything major for years, because you neve know when you’ll need the support, wisdom, maturity or youth of someone you took the time to connect with, even for a minute. Who will you connect with this holiday season?