We’re almost at the end of the month, it’s been a very full month with lots of events and opportunities, challenges and changes as well. This month one of the topics I’ve been talking about is the topic of love. One of the challenges of love is how awesome it is when it starts. In some ways that’s really important because it sucks us into the relationship and makes us want to keep feeling those emotions and stay in love. But it’s a whole lot easier to fall in love than it is to stay in love. Those initial magic feelings don’t always stick around. We get bogged down by the realities and challenges of life. We see things about the person we fell in love with that we didn’t see when we first fell in love, things that aren’t so awesome or pretty (like bad habits or snoring). When a relationship gets to that point it’s jokingly called “the end of the honeymoon period.”
While you may lose the cloud 9 feelings that you initially felt towards someone, that doesn’t mean you can’t love them anymore or that you don’t love them anymore. It just means that your love has developed, changed or matured. After all, you can’t do as a baby what you can do now: we’re all growing and changing, so why wouldn’t love do the same? In some ways I think it’s kind of silly that we even think that love wouldn’t change and that we wouldn’t feel, see and do things differently after a while.
So the question as we work through the last full week of the month is how can we make sure our love finishes strong? First and foremost it has to start with being open to love and all the many dimensions of it. Also, there has to be a willingness to change and work through challenges. As you get to know someone you may see red flags and things that make you take a step back. There are always issues and things to disagree over, but these are serious things like a violent temper or (not) wanting kids that show you guys may not be really the best match, regardless of how much love you felt initially. It’s not a bad thing to call a stop to a relationship if you know it’s not going to be the right one for you, in fact that’s a healthy decision to make. I think one of the good things about all the change we go through and how fast life moves today vs. 100 years ago is that we can do so much more to fulfill our potential, rather than being held back or stuck in societal restrictions.
Second, you and your partner have to actively invest in the relationship if you want to keep it and your love alive. There needs to be communication, time spent, moments created, laughter shared, friendships developed and life celebrated. You should take time on a daily basis to check in with them, a weekly basis to spend quality time with them (a date night for example) and at least take a yearly vacation with them.
Your love will change through your life, that should not discourage you from making it part of your life. Nor should you be discouraged by setbacks or a few failed experiences, because they will happen to just about all of us. I believe it’s worth it to be in love and have a relationship, even with all the work it may take to help it finish strong. How will you invest in your relationship this week?
It’s hard to miss all the discussion around United Airlines the past few weeks over what happened when a flight got overbooked and they needed to address the issue: big failure. The publicity around the event has been crazy, and rightfully so. There are tons of ways this could have been handled and wasn’t. In business I think most of us try to do our best when it comes to working with our customers, so maybe you got a chuckle over what happened, after you got over your disbelief. After all, who would handle this situation like that? Let’s take a look at a few thoughts on the whole event.
First, let’s talk about the situation and actions taken. Would the violence and severity of the actions taken have been the right course of action if it were a life and death issue, yes. As many reports have revealed there were at least a handful of other options that could have been pursued before this degree of action was taken.
Second, as you may know, I’m a big believer in not trying to be everything for everyone. I don’t think we business owners need to try to please everyone or offer our product/service to everyone. What we offer isn’t for everyone. So when we run across the stubborn individual who decides they absolutely have to work with/buy from even though it’s not a good match and then ends up leaving a nasty review because (as we knew) we weren’t what they were really looking for, it’s frustrating. However, while we may not have to offer something to everyone, that doesn’t give us the right or reason to treat our non-ideal customers or interested parties in a rude, aggressive, or disrespectful manner. Just because there’s an issue with them it doesn’t mean that we can ignore that they’re human too. And as long as they’re not being aggressive or threatening, there’s no reason or right to treat them in that manner, nor are the issues something you need to air in the public space.
Finally, the ever challenging concept of handling problems. We won’t get it right 100% of the time, but we can do more to get it right more often. As I said there were some options left to United before they escalated to the level that they did, yet they chose not to take those options. Often there’s a simple way to resolve the issue and usually it involves money in the form of a refund or credit. Some companies have chosen to offer free returns as a way to alleviate any initial fears buyers may have about purchases. Another simple solution is to give people the answer they’re looking for, sometimes all that is necessary to make the customer happy is a little troubleshooting and being available to listen to their feedback. They may not respond and they may not change their negative review (some people prefer to be unhappy and leave a nasty (and often irrelevant) review), but you’ll have at least extended the olive branch.
Procedures and policies are in place for a reason and when they’re not followed we end up with unnecessary issues like United, and often those issues revolve around how we treat others. I encourage you to take time to evaluate your policies this week and make sure you’re really prepared for situations that could occur, and that you’re first and foremost handling them with communication and compassion.
This week as we approach Earth Day I’m thinking about going green! Today I’ve got a few ways you can go green and take care of our earth and celebrate this special day. After all, I want the earth to stick around for at least a few more years, don’t you?
1-take action in your community. There are lots of ways you can do this, from cleaning up litter and removing dead plants and trees to planting trees and flowers to putting up bird houses and even bee hives to encourage the natural population of your area
2-if you’re not able to go out and physically help in your community, there are tons of petitions online you can sign to support environmental initiatives online. From organics to GMOs to smog and endangered species, there are tons of great causes you can support.
3-in line with the previous idea there are tons of earth-friendly organizations who would really appreciate a donation. Even organizations like PETA and Charity: Water have an earth-focused mission that would benefit, you don’t just have to look to the more political organizations.
4-I love my hot showers so I’m not really willing to give them up, so if you’re like me that’s not one way you want to help save the earth. But you can however wash your clothes in cold water. They won’t complain and it will save your energy bill too!
5-if you’re looking for a spring refresh for your house there are tons of garage and yard sales that have begun with the favorable change in weather. Not only are you saving a few dollars, you’re also saving the landfills from some items that would be in them for many years to come. (And if you’re having a yard sale and everything doesn’t sell there are lots of local organizations who can benefit from the left over items too).
What are you planning this week to celebrate Earth Day and honor this place we all live?
Tomorrow around the world is the celebration of Easter. Whether you celebrate for religious reasons or just enjoy the abundance of colorful eggs and treats, there are a few lessons we can learn from it and apply to our success. I believe in celebrating and sharing life, not making things more difficult for each other or hoarding all the resources for yourself. I believe that together we can be better than we ever can apart, and while our resources aren’t unlimited, if we were all a little more conscientious about our use of them I don’t think there would ever be a lack.
Loss and failure are things that we have to deal with as humans and business owners. Not everything or everyone works out as perfectly as we want them to. We’re not all knowing so we’ll get some things wrong, two reasons being because we don’t have sufficient information and other times because we go against our gut. Sometimes though those mistakes and failures lead to bigger and better things than we ever thought possible.
Easter is all about new birth, rebirth, new life and hope. I know it seems more challenging than ever each year to talk about this topic because of all that goes on in the world, but the fact is when we give up hope and the celebration of things like Easter, I believe that things will only get worse. We can do our part in our businesses by making sure that they’re healthy; that the treat customers, employees and everyone else with respect and dignity; that we focus more on bringing solutions and support to the world than quadrupling our profits or getting the best deal from suppliers; and looking to support our immediate communities as well as others around the world. If we all did just a little to bring hope to the world, donated just a small percentage of our profits, and/or were a little more considerate towards the human side of things, the world would be a better place and the world would regard the business world with a little more respect and favor.
I encourage you to take time this weekend to celebrate your personal and professional life and all that you’ve accomplished so far this year and let that hope move you forward into the next few months and even the rest of the year with hope and spirit.
This week with Easter ahead and Passover in progress I wanted to reflect on a topic that both of those are connected with: forgiveness. Everyone needs forgiveness at some point in time in their life. We may not feel that some people are worthy of forgiveness, and some people may not care if they are forgiven or not because they don’t think they did anything that needs to be forgiven. Forgiveness can free us from what the other person did even if they’re not interested in being forgiven, and forgiveness can free the person who did something wrong to move on with their life. Sometimes we also need to forgive ourselves so that we can let go of what we did, learn the lesson and move on. Forgiveness is an experience of learning from others and ourselves so as part of my thoughts today I thought I would share a few quotes on forgiveness.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time-just like it does for you and me.” Sara Paddison
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King Jr
As you continue in this week I encourage you, especially if you’re taking part in any of this week’s spiritual journeys, to take some time to consider if forgiveness is something that needs to happen in your life with yourself or with regards to someone else. It’s not always easy to let go of something that may have been a central part of your life for a time, but there’s very little to be gained by hanging onto weight like that which usually comes along with things that need forgiving. Life is for living, not looking over your shoulder, so I encourage you to work on forgiveness this week. If you’re in a process of working on forgiveness, I’d love to hear what you’re learning, too.
Yesterday on the Life and Faith blog I talked a bit about the topics of love and happiness. Today we’re continuing the conversation here talking about the relationship between love, happiness and relationships. Relationships do not equal love and do not equal happiness. That’s not the equation. I do believe that there can be a connection between relationships, love and happiness, but that’s not the case for everyone and it’s unfortunately not a happily ever after situation for everyone either. You’ve probably heard people who were with someone they loved for only a short period of time for whatever reason say that those were the happiest years of their life, and sometimes the couple gets lucky and they have one of those happy love stories for the ages that their children and grandchildren talk about for years to come. Love, happiness and relationships can last and they can be short, and both types can be real and worth it.
Love, relationships and happiness are all things that can be hurt, can fail and can be disturbed. In a perfect world everyone would have a fairy tail ending, but there are people who aren’t good in this world and believe it’s their right to treat people poorly or do stupid things like drugs and excessive alcohol which end up causing them to make bad decisions. I believe everyone is worthy of love, happiness and a good relationship, but for various reasons that’s not how it always ends up working out.
If you’re in a relationship I’m happy for you and hope that it works out and that you and your partner have one of those great love stories. If it’s not a happy relationship the first person to check is yourself, not your partner. Make sure that you’re not the one causing your own unhappiness, because the only person truly responsible for your happiness is you. If your partner truly loves you and is invested in the relationship they should make you happy most of the time (no one’s perfect), but you should not leave your happiness up to them. So if you establish that you’re not putting unreasonable pressure on your partner in the relationship and are doing your part to make yourself happy and help the relationship thrive, then the next person to check is your partner. Maybe they’re not feeling loved by you, maybe they’ve got a different set of expectations for the relationship, maybe they’re not the right person for you or maybe they’re a bad person and you should not be in a relationship with them. I believe there is more than one person out there for each of us, but with more than 7 billion people in the world it’s not as easy as it sounds to find one of those right ones, and even if you do, maybe it’s only the right person for right now. But no one has to be in a bad relationship or one that doesn’t truly fulfill them.
Happiness, love and relationships aren’t always picture perfect, they can get a little messy sometimes. But if you remember back to being a kid or think about your kids, some of the happiest memories were pretty messy, and even in the movies there’s usually at least one dramatic rescue scene or cringe-worthy episode. Don’t give up on a dream of having a happy, loving and fulfilling relationship, I’ve experienced it and so have others, and so can you.
No one is perfect, and no business is perfect. There are businesses and people that look perfect on the outside but the inside doesn’t reflect that, and of course there are those that look like a mess outside and are a mess inside as well. Sometimes people/businesses know they need help and are willing to ask for the help, but other times they’re seemingly clueless about anything possibly being wrong (which can be very frustrating to customers and potential customers). I certainly experience both in the course of my work, those that think they know everything and can’t possibly have any room for improvement, and those who admit they need help. There are people all along that spectrum as well, it’s not a black and white thing.
So let’s start at the beginning. As I said there are no perfect businesses. Every single business (and business owner) has at least one thing they could change or improve. Some of those things are subjective to some customers or potential customers (like changing a spice blend in a recipe or using a specific social site), while others are broader and really impact the whole business and customer base or potential customer base (like not having a website or having rude employees). When it’s something that affects only a portion of your customers/employees you have to decide if it’s really worth it to make that change or if there’s perhaps another way you could incorporate their feedback. For something that’s broad spectrum it’s something that usually is a whole lot less optional and really should be addressed if you want the best for your business and customers.
We’ve touched on a few of the things that tend to be wrong or frustrate customers (or employees), but here’s a more specific list: lack of detailed and specific information that is easily accessible, poor management/leadership, unexpected and unexplained wait time, poor packaging, poor product or service, lack of communication, poor pricing, inconsideration, unhelpful/uneducated employees/salespeople, and rudeness. Most of these have very clear connections to two things: people and communication. As much as we’re an instant society today that has high expectations for many things including businesses we buy from, there is also a willingness to wait for the good stuff or for what we really want as long as we’ve been told what the wait will be and have been dealt with in a polite and respectful manner.
Maybe you’re one of those businesses who has some more subjective things to check out, if so that’s great and they could be profitable opportunities for you. But if you’re facing a very broad issue it’s time to take action and make changes to repair the issue. The longer you let it hang the bigger the chance is that you’ll lose great customers and have more difficulty getting new ones.
This month we’re talking about a topic related to one we talked about a couple of months ago, the topic of love. I know, it may seem strange to talk about love in a month that’s not February (we talked about the topic of heart in February), but love is something we should talk and think about all year long. It’s not just a topic for couples or those interested in being a couple, but for everyone. Love isn’t just about being romantic, love is about all kinds of relationships we find ourselves in, whether work, earth/nature, family, neighbor or romantic.
Today though I want to start off the week with talking about the topic of self love or loving yourself. It’s a double edged sword topic because when we focus too much on self love we’re accused of being selfish, and usually rightly so. But at the same time if we’re so selfless that we only think about others, our own needs can be ignored and others can forget that we too have needs. We’re not talking about missionaries who intentionally are selfless, but about the rest of the people in the world who, faith background or not, tend to live a more “normal” life of people, work, and daily/weekly/seasonal activities.
Why choose to love yourself? It’s about more than just making sure you’ll be around for the needs the other people in your life have. We should all have a reason we want to keep living, to stay alive, to wake up another day. We all have gifts that we bring to the world, for some of us it’s a question of figuring out how or where we best fit in, and sometimes there’s not an easy answer to that. But loving yourself is about more than just making sure you’re alive and breathing, it’s about contributing to who you are as a person and becoming better because you’re worth it.
We may not all agree with the same faith beliefs or agree with how the world and we were created, but I can’t see us being disposable, lemmings or robots. I believe that each and every one of us has value to add to the world, and for most of us that has to start with us believing in and accepting who we are. I challenge you this month to open yourself to learning what you love, adding that love to your life on a regular basis and learning how you can best help love grow and multiply in the world.
This month the topic we’re talking about is love. I know, in February we talked about heart which is in the same family as love, but I’m continually reminded of the power of love and the difference it can make in our lives and the lives of others. I’ve seen what a little bit of love can do, and even the most dense people can often see love and the power it has when it’s in front of them (even if they’re not so good at loving personally). So as we dive into loving ourselves, each other, loving the earth (Earth Day), and loving spiritually (Passover/Easter), and even loving our country (tax day), I’ll encourage you to keep an open mind as always, and consider thinking about love outside of whatever box you’ve put it in.
One of the reasons relationships fail is because people don’t take the time to nurture their love. What feels so great initially can get neglected, become routine, and get overwhelmed and pushed aside by life, ironically the life that the two people were so excited to build together when they were brought together by their love. It takes intentional action and communication on a regular basis to sustain a relationship. Yes, there are relationships that even when worked on just don’t work out for one reason or another. But in most cases when you’re intentionally working on the relationship you’re able to work through the changes you both experience and ways the relationship grows as you get older and grow personally and individually.
Love is an opportunity, it’s one that some only think about in February around Valentine’s Day or when they attend a wedding or see a happy couple. But love is something you can and should do every day. Why? For thousands of reasons. I believe that love makes the world a better place, one that’s more comfortable to live in, creates better respect in relationships of all kinds not just the romantic type, and helps us work together better. Love can hurt, especially when tragedy strikes, but I believe it’s better to have loved for one day than to never have loved at all. What will you tap into this month by choosing love?