Waiting for Success

I was having trouble remembering a password to one of my accounts the other day. I knew generally what it was, but was having trouble lining up the numbers and letters in my head. It took a bit of thinking but finally my brain relaxed beyond the frustration and panic of not knowing what it was and I was able to line up the numbers and letters and get into the account. It was a big relief wrapped in an important reminder.

A recent email also included the same reminder about how as much as we want to get something done sooner, sometimes we have to wait for our brain to process the whole situation, or to come up with or be introduced to the best solution or system. It can be frustrating that we can’t just know an answer or that success isn’t always a smooth process, but I’d much rather get the right answer or best solution than keep fighting against the current, and so sometimes the waiting game isn’t so bad after all.

If you find that you’re avoiding something, finding a regular task really distasteful or struggling with something that shouldn’t be as difficult as it is, take it as a sign that it’s time to back off for a bit. I know how time sensitive some things can be, so I know how hard it can be to do this and be patient while you wait for your brain to get back on track or to find the answer. But again, would you rather redo something over and over or wait a bit and see if you can find the right answer so you only have to do it once or twice? Sometimes accepting the peace that comes with being patient is almost as big of a success as accomplishing your actual success goals.

Flexible Holiday Success

In this holiday season, as busy as it gets, what can we do to still achieve success? Be flexible. From all the big projects I’ve done with clients one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of having flexibility. Sometimes that flexibility looks like Plans A-Z (with at least A-C clearly outlined), while sometimes that just looks like allowing extra time so that no one ends up rushed or pushed or “late” (because if the time is flexible you won’t be getting frustrated when they’re not as early as you hoped they would be). Does flexible mean that some things just don’t get done? Yes, because if you have to be flexible it may mean that certain things won’t fit into the new spaces you’ve got in your schedule. But more often than not flexibility means that not only do you get what needs to done and you get to do more, you do it all with less stress.

In the holiday season maybe it means that decorations aren’t up and presents aren’t bought as soon as you might like. Maybe it means that you even have to push some gatherings into the week or weeks after Christmas. Maybe it means holiday cards aren’t sent out as soon as you had hoped, or that you’re baking cookies on Christmas Day because you love baking cookies more than the need to get them done by a certain deadline. Maybe you don’t get to celebrate with the whole family at one time but with a little flexibility you’re able to celebrate with everyone by the end of the month.

What I want you to take with you into this month is first, that you don’t have to give up on regular success efforts and projects because of the holidays, you just may have to be more flexible about when and how much of them gets done. Second, flexibility may be the secret weapon to having a holiday season you truly enjoy even if you pack a whole lot into it. Finally, the essential aspect of flexibility is patience, something that will serve you well through this month as well as into the new year as you reestablish your post-holiday life. Being patient with yourself and others may be the best gift you can give or receive.

Slow Down for Success

Whether you’re just starting your business or you’ve been in business for years, you can probably remember what it was like when you started it. It’s not like some things that there’s a set timeline and checklist to really follow because each business is different as far as what’s necessary before you can sell stuff. So one of the biggest challenges when you’re starting is knowing when you’re ready to open up and start selling. I think the tendency is to aim for perfection and having our ducks in a row, which is why some people never get their business off the ground or expend too many resources at the start and don’t leave them enough to grow or survive through the initial startup time as things often slowly gain traction with customers. If you wait for perfection you’ll likely never become the business that you could be and help the people that you could.

But the opposite is also true: we’re so excited about doing business and having happy customers that we start too soon before we’ve really done our homework. Which may mean we’re not prepared or haven’t really tested out our products/services or don’t have the resources in place that we need to. And this isn’t just something that’s true for when we start our businesses, it’s something that we can struggle with after being in business for years because sometimes I think we forget that we can’t just throw something out into the market and it’ll work just because everything else we’re doing is working.

So as we head into the last 4 months of 2023 I encourage you to slow down a bit. Yes, be excited and make things happen, but don’t forget to do your due diligence, to ask questions, to make sure your team is ready, to discover what questions may need to be addressed, and to take your time so that you don’t have to backtrack and fix tons of stuff when you could have moved a little slower and things would move smoother. Yes, embrace change. Yes, consider jumping on trends that are right for your business (something that you can’t usually wait a long time to do). But don’t forget to make sure that you’ve ticked all the important boxes first because customers can tell when you’ve rushed things and do know when things aren’t really ready for their enjoyment. What are some of the things you take your time on in your business?

Working with Patience

Have you ever thought about going back in time by 100 or 500 years just to see what it was like? Do you think it would be more or less stressful, or just as stressful but the stressors would be different than they are today? On one hand I feel like the lack of knowledge would make things less stressful, but on the other hand it would be very stressful not having any ability to get real answers like we can get today for so many things thanks to technology and our connected world. There are so many lessons we could learn from people back then, one of the biggest ones they could teach us would be on the topic of patience. I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of patience recently, and not just in one area of my life or the world, but in many.

Sometimes success takes patience. Sometimes no matter how “right” you do things, how well you plan, how many resources you have at your disposal, there’s just no way of moving things along faster or making someone move faster or working through the questions, challenges and checklist items faster. Sometimes you just have to remember to take deep breaths and take one step at a time at the pace you can move and anyone else you’re working with can move. These moments are good reminders that not every part of life needs to speed along all the time, sometimes things meander more than race.

But patience doesn’t mean not taking action. Just because you’re waiting or moving very slowly doesn’t mean you can’t be moving forward. When I get stuck in traffic if I don’t have someone to talk with I start thinking about my grocery list or blog posts to write or newsletters to write or I start planning out the rest of my day in my head. I may not be going anywhere fast physically, but thinking about these things or talking with someone means I’m still making progress.

And patience doesn’t mean that you can’t be polite. It may seem strange that I mention this, but I know many people who can recognize when a moment needs some patience yet get so focused on being patient (and getting done with being patient) that they ultimately take away from the potential that came with their initial efforts to be patient, and they start getting pushy or agitated. It’s especially hard to be patient when you’ve been moving really fast and really getting stuff done and now you’re slowing down and being patient. Just like cars and planes don’t turn on a dime, neither do our brains or bodies (which means we need to be patient with ourselves too in these situations).

In all of this though, the first or second biggest hurdle to cross is accepting that patience can be good. It’s really hard for some people to not be doing something every second of the day or not have answers in the next 10 seconds to their question or to stop and listen to their significant other when all they want to do is accomplish the huge list of things they’re stressed over or hear someone out even if you know you’re right. But it’s healthy to be patient throughout the day as well as to do “crazy” things like incorporating quiet time or nap time or learning time into your day. So the next time the topic or opportunity of patience comes up in your life, relationship, career, or day, consider embracing it just as thankfully as you do that first cup of coffee each day and see how your life, relationship, career, success (and stress levels) can benefit from being patient.

A Little More Love for Business Relationships

Yes, the month of love has arrived and we’ll be talking a lot about loving our businesses, loving each other and loving our world. I thought today we might start with an aspect of the most essential parts of being in business: customers, and specifically the relationship we have with them and them with us and our team. Some businesses choose not to approach customers in any way like a relationship, they see it as a get-in-and-out transaction and aren’t really interested in or willing to make the effort to turn those customers into repeat customers again and again or building a relationship with their repeat customers at all. But I think (and many studies have shown) it actually makes things better and easier for businesses to thrive if they build relationships with their customers. As you probably know, a relationship is a two way street, so let’s talk about some important ways we can give each other a little more love in that relationship.

Let’s start with the challenge and opportunity of giving the gift of patience. Whether you’re a new customer to the business, you’ve had a crazy day, you just got bad news, the offerings are many, or any other number of things, sometimes the customers are a little slower than employees might want or think they should be. Just because you and your employees know the business inside and out and maybe have been involved in it for years doesn’t mean that everyone else is just as familiar and efficient as you are, and a great way to quickly lose future business is to be pushy and rude and in a rush. But the opposite is true as well. I can respect the fact that people have busy lives and places to be, but not all employees or bosses stand around doing nothing just to delay providing services. They’re often very busy with lots of responsibilities and plates to juggle. So if you can be just a little patient, you’ll get service that’s a much higher quality and provided with a much friendlier attitude than if you push and rush them.

Second, let’s give the gift of communication. Ask just about any therapist or marriage counselor and they’ll tell you that communication is in the top 5 reasons relationships struggle or fail. That means for both customers and employees/team members that it’s important to be asking questions, checking in (politely), using words rather than stewing over something, providing necessary and possibly (hopefully) helpful details, and being willing to not pretend you know everything but rather be a good listener. There’s often no price you can place on the value of good communication on either side of the relationship.

Finally, let’s give the gift of the future. What does this look like? That the customer is appreciated for repeated purchases with your business, and they help businesses get more customers. A customer may not want to be in a relationship with a business forever, but let’s assume that at least for a season of their life they will, and that would include repeated visits/services/products, and while every customer appreciates loyalty offers and discounts, that’s not the limit of showing your appreciation for their continued business. You can also have a customer wall of fame, share insider information with them about what goes on behind the scenes, offer special products or services only to customers who have been around for a certain period of time, share special discounts from other companies with them, or at the very least be friendly with them and know their name and the things they often order and maybe even a little about their life that you can check in with them on as a way of showing them you care and appreciate them being part of your business. For businesses, aside from continued purchases of their products and services, every business appreciates reviews and recommendations. It often feels like pulling teeth, so the more we customers can help them with at the very least posting a review or two, the easier it makes for them to get more (satisfied) customers.

What would you appreciate as a customer or business owner for Valentine’s Day?

Healing Takes Time

This week my voice magically disappeared. No, I was not at a concert and lost it because of screaming or doing any other similar activities, I had very little indication that anything like that would happen, yet it did. And now, days later, it’s still slow going and I don’t always have my voice. Even in this world that has all kinds of incredible things that happen quickly, some things still take time. You may be able to have surgery and go home the same day, or the next day, but that doesn’t mean you’re “all better.” You may apologize, forgive someone, or have a discussion about an issue with them, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is “fixed.” You may choose to face your fears about something, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be afraid of that thing again. And chances of you moving into a new house and unpacking all in one day are almost impossible.

The real question that comes with healing in each of these situations is if you’re willing to do the work and take the time to get it done in as many actions or as long as it takes, or if you’re going to just put up with life as it is because you want it healed or fixed instantly and since that’s not possible you’re just going to ignore it or pretend you’re OK with things as they are. Each week I talk with potential clients who are just overwhelmed by the situation they face and aren’t able to get over the hurdle of where they are to where they want to be. It’s a sad thing because I know how much potential there is for them and how things could turn out, but they aren’t willing or able to put in that investment, maybe because they’re afraid of things not working out like they want or them being worse then they currently are when all is said and done.

I know, it doesn’t sound rational, logical or anything normal, but not all fears are. Healing doesn’t always follow the same path or timeline, whether we’re talking physical or mental/emotional healing. Honestly some of us get lucky that healing happens at all because of the amount of trauma that happened and we’re trying to recover from, and sometimes we need a little more work once we’ve “recovered” because of that amount of trauma in the past. Think of it this way: if you unpack all your boxes at your new house and put everything away technically you’re “fixed” and done and everything should be “fine”. But there’s a really good chance you’re going to come back to things in the days and months that follow and move things around, switch things out, and maybe even buy new things and get rid of some of the things you unpacked. That’s just the way that we heal and adjust to a change in situations.

So while I hope you enjoy a little time this weekend on spooky Halloween topics, I encourage you to remember that fears and challenges in life are rarely a one-and-done thing, they take a commitment to overcome. Will you choose to make that commitment, and how will you support those in your life that make that commitment to take the time to heal and get to a better life?

A Little Respect for Learning

The start of a new school year always brings up a ton of emotions, lots of change, new and different responsibilities and new people. Even for the parents, there are new people and new experiences and new challenges. As I was watching a DIY tv show the other day the homeowner said that one of the biggest lessons they got out of the whole project was the amount of respect that needed to be given to a project of that type and scale. And it got me thinking about how this time of year is really one big lesson in respecting boundaries, respecting whatever emotions people feel, whatever space they need to adjust, and the support to navigate to this new stage in their life. And this respect needs to be for others as they navigate as well as yourself as you navigate too!

If we start with the understanding that it is a challenging season, and we accept it for what it is, rather than fighting it and being miserable about it, it will be a lot easier to find the ways that work for us, accept the support and help we need and get to enjoy at least some of the month of September, and just as important, we’ll hopefully set ourselves up for success for the entire rest of the school year. I don’t know about you, but as a kid I would have loved to get to June and not only be incredibly thankful that I made it and it was finally done, but that the school year really helped me grow and learn as a person with lessons that I felt confident and positive about taking into the future.

So where do we begin? First I think it begins with being open to trying something different. Yes, you’ve “done school” before, but with each new year you’re learning new things and with different people and have different teachers, and I know from my years of schooling and the learning I’ve done since then that there’s almost always more than one way, if not several ways, to do something. Take a simple math problem like ways to get to the number 10: you could add 5+5, you could subtract 10 from 20, you could multiply 5×2, you could divide 100 by 10. All gets you to the same result but there are reasons to do each of them. Sometimes it’s easier to do things one way and other times it’s easier to do it a different way, and you don’t know what options you have until you’ve been given the opportunity to learn all the different ways you can do it.

Second, it begins with something that is so quintessential classroom and school: remembering that you’re not alone in this journey. I’m thankful that most of my teachers were always open to hearing our questions and helping us understand or work through what we didn’t understand. The good news is that even if the teachers in your life or your kid’s lives aren’t the kind to help you/them through things, there are tons of tutors, coaches, consultants and even parents, grandparents and siblings who can step up and help get you and them to a place where you’re not only comfortable but confident too.

Finally, the answer is always patience. I think we do ourselves a disservice often by wrapping education and learning into the tests and finals and months that we do because it segments things in ways that don’t really help us build on what we’ve learned or understand the connections, or do anything but feel overwhelmed with all we’re trying to learn and process at the same time. So a big key to having a successful school year, or any successful learning endeavor, is to be patient with yourself and others who are involved. Part of that patience is about communication and learning how to express what you don’t understand or what you’re struggling with, as well as communicating the information or perspective in different ways that might help the other person learn or understand better.

Yes, learning is a necessary part of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be the necessary evil that it sometimes turns out to be. As you navigate this new school year with your kids, or maybe a new school year for yourself, or just a new learning opportunity that has come your way, I encourage you to have a healthy respect for the time, work, effort and end result that you hope to achieve.

It’s OK to Baby Step to Success

When I stop and think about it, I’m reminded of the fact that some of aspects of our lives are the way they are because it makes a whole lot of sense for them to be set up that way. One of those big aspects is the idea that we communicate the passing of time primarily in hours and days, not years. Why does this matter? Because talking in terms of years can be really overwhelming both from a “this is what happened in the past year” and a “we have how much more of the year to go?!” sense, not to mention trying to plan everything!

Overwhelm and burnout didn’t start in 2020, but it certainly has made some big headlines over the past few years. There are many components and contributions to our overwhelm or burnout, including the uncertainty we face in the world and how well we deal with the various stresses that come in and out of our lives. But time and again one of the major factors to the overwhelm is time. How many times have you felt overwhelmed because you can’t imagine how you’re going to get it all done in the amount of time you have? I know many of us feel this way, and unfortunately the more we focus on the lack of time we have, the harder it is to work through our overwhelm and into producing results.

So this week as you work on your success projects, I encourage you to try to focus more on taking things a step at a time, and less on how much time you don’t have. If you’re working on something that really matters it won’t matter if it takes a little longer than you wanted it to for you to get it done well, what matters most is that you keep walking that success path one step at a time, one action at a time. Maybe what we need most is to remind ourselves of history and how many amazing structures and civilizations were built back in the BC times, because as the saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Start with one sentence or one paragraph, one load of dishes or one closet, one email or one social post, one walk or one swim, one snack or one meal, one job search or one interview, one session with a therapist or pastor, one homework assignment or test to study for, one kind word instead of a word of judgement, one positive thought instead of a negative one. Start with just one action or one step, then another, and another, and build from there as slowly, but consistently, as you need to. I love many things about the world and time that we live in, but the lack of patience isn’t always one of them. Don’t fall for the lie that you have to get it right on the first try or have to get it done all in one effort. You don’t. When you’re facing overwhelm or not sure how you’re going to get something done, break it down into small pieces that you can manage, in the time you have. What success will you be able to achieve this week when you work with more manageable plans that you can believe in and feel confident achieving?

Ice Cream Sandwich Success Lessons

The other week at the grocery store I bought one of my favorite summertime treats: the iconic ice cream sandwich. Given how hot it has been lately when I had one the other day I went right to eating it so that I wouldn’t end up with a crazy mess all over my hands and table. But it wasn’t until I got to the last two, mostly messy, bites that I remembered exactly why I loved this brand of ice cream sandwich, because the vanilla ice cream they use is extra tasty when it’s a little melty. It isn’t just a cold ice cream treat, it has a depth of flavor that brings it up a level from the average sandwich. So the next time I had one, you know what I did right?! Yes, grabbed a fork, let the sandwich sit for a few minutes and enjoyed an absolutely delicious and very melty sandwich with my fork just like a proper adult.

There are two success lessons I want to take from this tasty summer experience. First is the lesson of patience. Did I really want to wait for the sandwich to get melty before I dove in? No, of course not. But it was so much better the second time around when I waited a bit even if I didn’t have anything on my fingers to lick at the end like a kid. As much as I love food, I know that some foods are worth the wait and rushing them just isn’t the best thing to do. Success is the same: sometimes you have to let things (or yourself) cook, develop, percolate, mellow or age before the best version of success can be brought forth. Another food example regarding patience is how we have to wait for foods to grow, they don’t just “poof” into existence and we can eat them, regardless of how fast we can eat them once they’re ready (i.e. apple vs chicken). When it comes to our success, maybe you just aren’t ready for that level of success and need to learn more or gain more experience first. Or maybe you’re trying to jump ahead on technology when what you should do is invest in transitional technology that will be more accessible to more people and provide the time for the technology and resources to catch up to each other.

The second lesson has to do with my choice to use a fork. Yes, I absolutely could have eaten my sandwich with my hands once it melted a bit, but I would have gotten extremely messy and honestly I think it would have taken away from the enjoyment of eating it with it being as messy as it ended up being. No, it’s not traditional to use a fork to eat an ice cream sandwich, but again, it made the experience much better. The lesson? Don’t ignore the new and improved tools that are available to you that might make your success journey easier or stronger, but also don’t be afraid to stick with the tools that you have available to you and you know consistently get you results. I’ve shared before about my preference to write stuff down rather than try and keep it all in my head, that’s a tool that works for me. You may benefit from the tool of a timer that keeps you focused on one particular thing for a designated amount of time. Or you may discover you work best when you’re listening to a particular type of music or audio. Or you may find that you are more productive when you start your day with water or a smoothie and have coffee later in the day. Or you may find that you are most productive having short strategy sessions with your coach or mentor each day rather than once a week for a longer block of time. Or you may be a digital tool person rather than a pen and paper, paper calendar tool person. The list goes on of course, because there are so many tools that we use throughout the day to help us be more successful.

To bring it full circle though, don’t get so wrapped up in the process that you forget what you’re working on or enjoying. Don’t let the technique of eating the ice cream sandwich with a fork distract you from the goal of really enjoying the ice cream sandwich. Don’t let the patience required or tools you apply become the focus instead of the actual work you’re trying to succeed in. The techniques, tools and patience are there to support your success journey, not be the journey.

Patience with Time for Success

Success is one of those things that isn’t always predictable and can’t always be performed or accomplished in the way or ways that you’ve done in the past. Sometimes we accomplish more when we do things in batches, chunks or bursts, other times we get more done when we do a little every single day. For example, some days you may be motivated to clean the dishes as they are made (or put them in the dishwasher), but other days you may let the whole day pass before taking care of the dishes and do them all at once. Another example is email, as some of us tend to check our emails once or twice a day and read it all at that point, while others of us check in several times throughout the day.

So why does how we do success change? Some days we don’t have the attention span to get things done in large segments, so it’s better to get them done as you can and when you can. Other days you’re feeling really focused and motivated and therefore can get a lot more done on a project at a time. Some days you’ve got blocks of time you can dedicate to specific projects, while other days you only have small segments of time throughout the day. And of course a favorite of everyone, some days the interruptions don’t end and you can’t spend a lot of time on a specific project.

Lately I’ve been feeling really frustrated with the amount of time I spend on things when I try to spend a chunk of time on a project, which has been hard because I’ve been feeling motivated to work on those projects. But as I see the time slipping away, I’m thinking about all the other things I’m not doing and how long this work seems to be taking which means even if I’m making progress, it’s not as rewarding as it should be. So I’m working on shifting to working in pieces for the time being and, maybe most important, being patient with myself and being more willing to celebrate the little wins and acknowledge the progress that is happening even if it’s not quite the way I wanted things done.

Whether you change pace, motivation, timing or focus during a success journey or between success journeys, the most important thing is to keep going and not get frustrated with another aspect of change that you’re having to work through as part of the journey. Learning to go with the flow and notice the signs your mind and body give you will only help you be more successful in the long run.