Hope and Brilliance

So I’m a bit concerned today and maybe you share my concern. What am I concerned about? The leaves that are changing colors for autumn seem to be missing their brilliance. I see some colors out there, but there’s almost a brown tinge to everything. The yellow leaves are more like weak chicken noodle soup and less like a yellow jacket. The red leaves are like reddish-brown clay rather than a hot red pepper. And the orange leaves just look brown.

I’m not exactly up on the science of how leaves transform and what gives them their brilliant color, but it almost feels like someone took the thrill out of autumn. It’s just not the same to have the warm beverage and be out picking apples and taking a drive in the countryside if the leaves aren’t brilliant colors. It doesn’t seem like the usual last hurrah for the year that nature has before it transitions to the sleep of winter.

Admittedly it is quite early in the season and there are still tons of green trees out there, so anything is possible and I haven’t given up hope. But I’m not in love with autumn to begin with and not having the usual leaf display makes it that much harder to face. As I’ve been feeling a bit depressed by the leaves over the past few days, it’s got me thinking about our lives and our world. We’ve come so far and yet it seems like sometimes we’re not making any progress. Yes, there’s always something that we could be working on, but it’s more than that: it sometimes seems like we’re falling behind or taking steps backwards instead of moving forward. I don’t know about you but not only is that frustrating to me, it’s discouraging too.

I can’t do anything about the leaves, but I can do something about my life and try to do something about the world I live in, in fact we all can. Individually we can commit to a schedule, get organized, hire help, reduce our distractions, reduce our commitments, donate stuff, and make choices that feel good and are good for the world we share. As a community we can share a good word on social media, support local businesses, sign petitions, support charities, vote and be considerate of those we share this planet with. It won’t happen instantly, but if we’re committed to making positive steps forward every day and to having more victories than losses, together we can keep our lives and the world moving forward and not let it slide back. Will you shine a little more brilliantly today?

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Ready to Run

One of the questions you hear most frequently from police officers is “why did you run”? Sometimes there’s an understandable reason like they killed someone or stole a ton of money and don’t want to get the really long jail sentence they’re looking at. But more often than not it’s inconsequential, nonexistent, or certainly not worth the extra charges they get for running. When you hear the stories you have to shake your head, especially after you hear again and again that they would have maybe gotten a little ticket had they just pulled over and behaved.

The truth is that running rarely pays. Yet we seem to pick running as a default in many areas of our lives, not just when faced with police. We run from hard situations at work, from relationships that need work, family situations that frustrate us, and homes that need some TLC just to name a few. Yes, sometimes running is the right answer and we should run as fast as we can, for example in abusive relationships, but often we choose to run rather than put in the time and effort to fix things. And there’s nothing wrong with needing a fresh start, but it’s not a good reason for running.

Of course the best advice is to not do anything that will get you into a situation that would inspire you to run like committing a crime or letting any situation in your life get so bad you just want to throw in the towel. Sometimes we just get overwhelmed, and that’s OK. But when we’re starting to feel overwhelmed it’s time to ask for help, to stand up and accept the situation we’ve gotten ourselves into, to stop putting off dealing with the situation, to start taking actions however small to conquer the situation rather than running from it. I encourage you to choose courage today and face your life and the people in it and choose to build a better future.

A Journey of Self Discovery

Today I’m thinking about what it means to be yourself. I talk on occasion about the importance of caring for yourself and not making so many sacrifices you don’t take the time to care for yourself, and I often talk about the importance of each of us being our own person and unique. But I don’t take a lot of time to dive into the insecurities and the struggles that almost all of us face.

Some of us only take one journey of self discovery in our lives, and that’s because it takes that much time and life to work through just that one path. Others of us take one journey of self discovery and we discover early on who we are and the rest of our life is filled with learning, but being confident in who we are. Many of us however take many journeys throughout our lives, each path being a new experience or opportunity that may have little or no bearing on a previous one, our path is ultimately just to explore.

It can be frustrating, even scary, to get to a point in your life and realize that the journey has completely changed or the path you were on has abruptly ended. Which is why it’s so important to be willing to love yourself no matter what, to work on forgiving yourself in many situations, to be at least understanding that change happens (often), and have a support system you can tap into (even if it’s a virtual one or a therapist/counselor).

If you are going through a particularly challenging portion of your current self discovery journey, I would encourage you to make time on a daily basis for both action and reflection.  Keep yourself moving in the direction that the path is leading, and take time to consider the lessons you’re learning and make sure that you’re going in a direction that’s healthy for you and those in your life.

One final thought for today: try to trust yourself. You won’t always get your gut feelings right, you won’t always make the right decisions, you won’t always allow the right people into your life, but if you trust yourself, your abilities, your passion, your smarts and your heart you’ll get there more often than not.

Living with Bravery and Strength

One of the things that presents the greatest challenge in many people’s lives is to be themselves. It can be easy to fall in with what everyone else is doing, but one of the greatest callings, opportunities and challenges is to be yourself and be the person that only you can be. One of the challenges to that is that we’re not born fully formed, we grow, learn, develop and become throughout our lives. It’s a big process that we have to keep learning from and working on, including learning from our mistakes and the experiences of others. Added to this is that we may change from who we are during one period in our lives, and that’s OK because it’s not likely that we’ll be the exact same person at 18 as we are at 80.

What should keep us sane and positive during the journey of discovering who we are is the confidence we have in ourselves. If you believe in yourself and your ability to successfully work through the changes and challenges in your life you’ll be just fine working through whatever comes your way. It’s not about knowing how to handle everything, but rather believing in your ability to do so, including being able to tap into the people and resources who can support you in whatever ways you need to get it done.

Do you believe in yourself? In your ability to handle what life brings your way? In your ability to navigate and make good decisions that empower you and are wins for everyone involved or affected by them? If you don’t have confidence in who you are, if you don’t like who you are, if you don’t feel strong in your abilities, it’s a great time to step up and do some soul searching. There’s nothing wrong with saying that you’re feeling a little lost or that life has shaken your confidence in yourself recently, working with a life coach or confidence coach can help you conquer those hurdles and get back to living and thriving.

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” A. A. Milne

Celebrating Second Chances

You know, it’s a lot easier if we get things right the first time. But the fact is few of us are close enough to perfect to not have to go back and proofread our work or do a second interview or ask follow up questions or try another marketing campaign or have to practice before we become good at something. And sometimes we never truly get it right and just get it a little more right with each attempt, and that’s as good as it gets, like with parenting and many of the other ever-changing aspects of our lives.

I get it, we’re in such a rush and there’s so much on our plates that it would be easier if everything worked out the first time, but it often doesn’t. Today I was reminded that sometimes second chances are awesome. Sometimes that redo is something much more productive and successful than the first try could have ever been. Sometimes you learn and grow more from the second (or third) chance or try than you do from the first. Sometimes you meet someone or make a connection that would have never been made if you didn’t have to do a redo. Maybe the redo isn’t so bad after all.

What if the second chance, the opportunity to redo something, the second round was actually a good thing? What if instead of giving firsts all the power we instead started to value the seconds? What if instead of hating the time it took to go through additional rounds, instead we cherished the relationships it helped build, the opportunity to make things better, and the things it taught us? What if instead of trying to be perfect on the first try, we just let our brilliance loose for the first round and then took care of the details in following rounds? How would your life be better and different if you stopped trying for perfection on the first try?

Living Today

The new year has arrived and we’re almost a week in! I love that we have life divided into days, months, years and lifetimes. It helps us to process better and plan both short-term and long-term goals which give us small and large victories throughout our lives.  Each one is filled with a different set of opportunities for us to live and love and build relationships and be successful.

I don’t always go with a year theme, but lots of people do. I’ve seen lots of different words this year including spaciousness, time, intention, substance, experience, purpose, promise, change and clarity. This year I’ll be doing something different and not doing monthly themes for every month as I’ve done in the past, but instead going with a yearly theme. This year’s theme is going to be ‘today.’

Why ‘today’? Not because of how fast-paced our world is, but rather because I want us to take a step back and live in today, accomplish things today, appreciate today, learn from today and enjoy today. Yes, we’ll still talk about goals, planning, the future, and the bigger picture, but I want to focus on appreciating, enjoying and acting on each day.

As we’re constantly reminded of in the news each day is a gift. What you do in that day may make or break your future. It can overcome what you’ve done in the past. You can end the day satisfied with what you got done that day or feeling like it was all a waste. It may be one of your last days, will you look back and know you lived it well?

What will you do with today?

The Legacy You’re Creating

The new year is here!   Are you looking forward to the year ahead?  This year I’ve got some great topics planned to support you, your significant other and your family.  Today I thought we’d start the year off by talking about the topic of legacy.

We each leave a legacy when we leave this world and the legacy we create leaves an impact on those who personally knew us as well as everyone else directly or indirectly who are influenced by the choices we made, which comes down to basically everyone.  Each day the choices we make add to or take away from that legacy.  Our choices influence the choices others make too, especially when it comes to those we’re in relationship with or are considered to be our family.  Tina Turner said:

“My legacy is that I stayed on course… from the beginning to the end, because I believed in something inside of me.”  

Will you choose to make this the year that you stand up for yourself, your partner, your kids or other family members and finish what you’ve started?  Or will you let another year go by without making the decisions that need to be made and taking the actions that are needed to free you from the baggage holding you back?  I encourage you to choose to start and finish this year stronger than you ever have before.

The Choice of Your Steps

Each week, each day, we make thousands of choices in our lives. Our life is like one of those “choose your own adventure” books in which the choice you make determines what happens next. One thing may not ruin the ending, or bring us closer to success, but each choice we make does have an impact on our lives. If you make a really wrong choice you’ll end up on countless evening news stations as the talk of the day (or those crazy afternoon shows if you really mess up). But if you make a really good choice you’ll find doors opening for you and relationship possibilities you never thought could happen.

Victories in the truest sense are only accomplished when all parties win. This means we have to learn how to work together rather than fight, and do our best not to hurt others , and work hard to not hurt others to the point that they would seek justice. It only ends up setting all of our victories back further.

Why? Because as Mahatma Gandhi said: “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” If you’re so focused on getting justice for how you perceive you were wronged you’ll only bring to pass what Gandhi predicts: the whole world will end up in turmoil trying to get their wrongs played out on those that hurt them. This isn’t how we accomplish victories though. A punishment will never truly right a wrong, but it’s what we think is our best option for serving justice, and has been for centuries.

With every choice, action, or lack thereof making an impact on your future you would think more of us would do the right thing more often. It can get frustrating that we don’t see the progress, but one day we’ll realize exactly how far we’ve come and how many pages we’ve turned and we’ll either be thrilled or mad. If you were to turn the page and find that tomorrow morning your story ended, how would you feel? Choose to make this a week that gets you even a little closer to your goals.

A Patchwork Quilt of Moments

As I sit here thinking about what I want to write about today I’m glancing out the window to see if it’s started to rain again yet. The next few days are supposed to bring thunderstorms and rain not only to where I live but other parts of the country as well. There’s something awe-inspiring about summer thunderstorms, with the wind, the big crashes, the incredible lightning and the smell that only is around during these summer storms.

It reminds me that everyone sees things differently, everyone picks out different things, everyone is spoken to by nature in different ways, everyone sees beauty in different ways. Yes, often there is a group of people who are amazed by a certain thing, but it’s rarely a universal thing. For example countless people are awestruck by the Grand Canyon, yet it’s one of my least favorite National Parks and I don’t find it to be very interesting (that’s not to say I don’t find myself awed by other canyons). However there’s usually an exception to the rule, and I’m no different because I was speechless over the photos of the cloud inversion in the Grand Canyon that’s happened just a few times.

It may not storm again today and I may not get to watch the clouds race over the sky, the lightning fork to the ground and watch the trees whip around any more than they are today already, and that’s OK. We don’t have only one awe-some experience in our lives. There may be something that always catches our attention, like rainbows or the first spring flowers or the first snowflakes of the season, but more often than not our lives are a patchwork quilt of special experiences, experiences that we have to be open to and looking for.

What special moments have you been amazed by recently?

The Challenge and Opportunity of ‘Different’

With the Royal Wedding there’s been a lot of talk about changes and that a new era is beginning. I’m all for necessary changes, and I think of all the kingdoms/rulers/presidencies of the world, the Royal Family has managed to navigate the world and lead their country pretty well through the many different ages that they’ve been in charge in England. Parents too have lots of changes to navigate, babies have far different needs than teenagers, so parents are very familiar with the concept of change through the ages. As I was thinking about changes the thing that popped into my head was the phrase that adults say to kids (and other adults) from time to time: “yes, but that was different.”

It’s not an easy lesson for kids to learn (or parents to teach), that different rules apply to different situations, different times and different people, let alone that things could easily have changed between the last situation that was similar and the current one that’s being discussed with the child. It’s an important lesson to learn because it helps children learn to deal with change, to adapt, to plan ahead and to consider all the options and opinions, skills that will serve them well when they’re adults.

It’s really a two-fold lesson though, because it’s a reminder to not judge everyone or every situation the same, and that while you can lean back on past lessons, you have to be open to things being different, even if they look similar. Yes, the Royal Family could easily have said that they wouldn’t go in that direction and Prince Harry had to choose someone more in line with what was expected or tradition. And I can’t say that there isn’t another woman somewhere around the world that would also be a great match for him, but I think that the now Duke and Duchess of Sussex are well suited and can do more to help the world, and the Royal Family move, in a very healthy and prepared direction for the future.

The good news is that even if you’re an adult there’s still time to work on learning life’s lessons and adapting to changes. You don’t make one decision in life that says you’ll never ever learn lessons or never change, you can make a new decision each day on how you’re going to live your life and what you want your future to look like. Don’t let “different” hold you back or scare you, be willing to embrace all that life gifts you.