Sometimes It’s That Simple, Easter Version

One of the things I love about living in the age that we do is the sheer amount of information that’s available to us. We’re blessed to have centuries of information available to us to educate us and inform us about how things work. We know exactly what goes on each Spring as new life bursts out around us. We know how to make planes fly and cars run. We have coaches for every field under the sun and people who can analyze your performance and tell you exactly what you can do to improve. We have restaurants that create dishes that you wouldn’t be able to come up with in your wildest dreams let alone create. We have multiple technologies that let us see inside the earth to discover parts of history that were long lost and people who know just enough to be able to piece together what they find with what they know about history in order to give us a fuller understanding of what happened.

So when it comes to things like the first Easter (or even the first Christmas) we’re almost appalled at how few details are really available to us. It’s pretty clear that people knew this was a big deal when it happened, so why don’t they have more details shared and written down? As I was thinking about this again this past week one reason came to me: because it was just as simple as it reads. Jesus was dead and now He’s alive. It’s just that simple. But, but, but, but… we say. Don’t we need to know if it really was three days or when it really happened or who was there or what happened to the people who were there in the days that followed and what happened to all their stories and all the other stories of people who were alive in the time of Jesus? Can’t we have more?

Sometimes the answer is yes, but often God just asks us to trust Him that it is that simple or that He will work it out as long as we keep pushing ahead like He’s told us to. Sometimes the details actually end up getting in the way of the truth, which certainly could be the case for the first Easter. If we knew more would we focus less on the fact that He rose and why He rose? Context is awesome for a reason, but what if it’s not always necessary or right?

Sometimes we let the details of our lives get in the way of who we are or what we do. I was reminded by someone this week that we don’t need to focus on all our other labels when it comes to our relationship with God (if we have one), we just need to remember that we’re sons and daughters of God. It’s that simple. Yes, we love our layers and labels because those things bring richness to our lives. We love being parents and lovers and siblings and caretakers and bosses and coworkers and gardeners and gamers and readers and bakers and so many other things. But sometimes it’s OK to let all those layers go and embrace simplicity accepting who we are at our core, how we’re feeling, what we need or to just be without any of that other stuff. So yes, celebrate Easter in whatever ways you do with family and friends or faith, or just enjoy and celebrate another Sunday that you’re alive and breathing in air because maybe the secret to really living life is just that simple.

Working with Magic

With the end of another football season getting close (and the end of the college football season already) we’re getting to know who might be the winners and losers this year and already seeing lots of changes in the coaches for the teams. There’s been lots of talk about some of the changes with the coaches, of course the biggest news coming out out of New England. I don’t know that it’s a surprise to anyone that the iconic sweatshirt-wearing coach is out after some rocky seasons and few wins, and the biggest block of discussion is around how much he actually contributed to all those successful seasons, especially with his star quarterback going to another team for a 7th season-winning year while the coach he left behind couldn’t get much done (I do believe he played a role in the success all those years, how could he not?!).

Personally I’ve been part of teams that were just plain magic from top to bottom, and I hope you’ve been able to experience that at least once in your life or that you will. The top leadership, the other leaders and even the team players/followers/customers were all part of the magic. I’ve also worked with people who despite bad leadership or tough followers/customers were able to make the work move smoothly and successfully, and when we worked together magic still happened, but not to the degree that it did when the whole team was on board.

The story is a reminder that we can do great things individually, even when the team around us isn’t always supportive or anywhere close to magic. It’s also an encouragement to choose whenever possible to work with teams that make magic together, and to remember that any group of people can make magic together if they work together and are in the right mindset (I could point to a bunch of different sports and business teams where this was true at one point or another). I also believe that you’re never too young or too old to start working on being a magic-contributor rather than being a magic-killer. And the best way to make sure that more teams of all kinds have magic is to believe it’s possible and encourage your kids and family to believe the same. What magic have you seen created within teams?

What Does Family Mean to You?

What does family mean to you? Lately I’ve been reminded that family means being there for the people in your family through everything. Maybe that means multiple surgeries, cancer or some other terminal illness, job loss, an untimely death which leaves kids without a parent. Or maybe it means 50th wedding anniversaries, first birthday celebrations for the 26th grandchild, third marriages for one of your kids, holiday gatherings, or moving to a new house for the 10th time. Or maybe it means making countless breakfasts and lunches before school, summer campouts, homework that you don’t really understand but help your kids with anyway, caring for the property around your home even though you’re pretty sure your thumb isn’t anywhere near green, or caring for the pet your kids insisted on getting.

I think some of us have developed an attitude problem when it comes to family, in that we’re not happy that we’re not given a choice in it and we’re forced to be related to these people. I get it, we like our ability to make choices, but sometimes the choice we have to make is to accept things as they are and make the best of it. That doesn’t mean that things won’t change, because people and situations do change throughout the many years we live these days, so it’s always possible that they or you will experience something that will change your life for the positive or will choose to make a change. I also understand that some people make it hard to like them, but again that’s usually not a forever thing or there are at least good memories from the past to hold tight to.

The one thing I know is that we can never get back time that’s lost with people we love. We can’t add years to their life when we suddenly realize how time is passing us by or how little time we may have with them. We also can’t do anything about the past and time we may have spent apart. But we can do something about today and all the tomorrows we and they have left and give it our best effort and ask them to do the same. Maybe it’s time we love family again, maybe it’s time we show up for family again, maybe it’s time we prioritize family. Maybe it’s time to make family meaningful again.

Working with Patience

Have you ever thought about going back in time by 100 or 500 years just to see what it was like? Do you think it would be more or less stressful, or just as stressful but the stressors would be different than they are today? On one hand I feel like the lack of knowledge would make things less stressful, but on the other hand it would be very stressful not having any ability to get real answers like we can get today for so many things thanks to technology and our connected world. There are so many lessons we could learn from people back then, one of the biggest ones they could teach us would be on the topic of patience. I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of patience recently, and not just in one area of my life or the world, but in many.

Sometimes success takes patience. Sometimes no matter how “right” you do things, how well you plan, how many resources you have at your disposal, there’s just no way of moving things along faster or making someone move faster or working through the questions, challenges and checklist items faster. Sometimes you just have to remember to take deep breaths and take one step at a time at the pace you can move and anyone else you’re working with can move. These moments are good reminders that not every part of life needs to speed along all the time, sometimes things meander more than race.

But patience doesn’t mean not taking action. Just because you’re waiting or moving very slowly doesn’t mean you can’t be moving forward. When I get stuck in traffic if I don’t have someone to talk with I start thinking about my grocery list or blog posts to write or newsletters to write or I start planning out the rest of my day in my head. I may not be going anywhere fast physically, but thinking about these things or talking with someone means I’m still making progress.

And patience doesn’t mean that you can’t be polite. It may seem strange that I mention this, but I know many people who can recognize when a moment needs some patience yet get so focused on being patient (and getting done with being patient) that they ultimately take away from the potential that came with their initial efforts to be patient, and they start getting pushy or agitated. It’s especially hard to be patient when you’ve been moving really fast and really getting stuff done and now you’re slowing down and being patient. Just like cars and planes don’t turn on a dime, neither do our brains or bodies (which means we need to be patient with ourselves too in these situations).

In all of this though, the first or second biggest hurdle to cross is accepting that patience can be good. It’s really hard for some people to not be doing something every second of the day or not have answers in the next 10 seconds to their question or to stop and listen to their significant other when all they want to do is accomplish the huge list of things they’re stressed over or hear someone out even if you know you’re right. But it’s healthy to be patient throughout the day as well as to do “crazy” things like incorporating quiet time or nap time or learning time into your day. So the next time the topic or opportunity of patience comes up in your life, relationship, career, or day, consider embracing it just as thankfully as you do that first cup of coffee each day and see how your life, relationship, career, success (and stress levels) can benefit from being patient.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Simple

One of the hard lessons we sometimes have to learn when it comes to success is how important and effective it can be to start with the simple stuff. I was talking with a client the other day who was coming to grips with the idea that it would take several (4 or more) reviews before their project would get to the goal they had set. As I explained to them, sometimes you do have to do everything in one fell swoop or make really drastic decisions because that’s the only choice you have in your situation, but more often than not you can avoid overwhelm and decrease stress, by taking things one step at a time and not trying to get things perfect and completely done in the first pass, but rather to an acceptable point for the first step (or whatever step you may be on).

I think the thing that gets us most hung up about this is that it’s so simple and we get concerned when things are simple that they’re too simple or that we should be making bigger steps or seeing greater progress. But I think the exact opposite because I think that so often the world goes ahead and complicates things by adding unnecessary layers and steps and rules and as a result we feel like we have to always have those layers. A great example is a piece of music: you can have just one instrument play it sometimes and that’s more than enough and able to touch you really deeply, but other times you want a symphony orchestra and band to play the piece with lots of layers and depth. Another example is the process of creating a website: sure you could put one up in one sitting and call it good, but isn’t it more likely that you’re going to want to go back to it in the days and weeks that follow and tweak it and add to it or change it depending on the different ideas you have and feedback you get from people before calling it “done?”

So the next time you’re presented with a simple step to take to get you closer to success, don’t let doubt discourage you from truly considering it. Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it won’t work or it’s not right for you. I think often all of our lives could benefit from simplifying them and slowing down to just enjoy them without all the additions we often think are necessary nowadays. No, we don’t get to live forever, but if the projects we’re working on are really worth it, they’re worth doing with less focus on the clock and more on the quality of work you’re doing and peace of mind it will bring you in the end. What simple advice has helped you move your success journey forward recently?

Being An Adult

Over the past few years I’ve been reading a blog from Chip Conley (and his guest posters) that features a “daily helping of wisdom.” This blog is tied in with their Modern Elder Academy, which is all about bringing the best out of our later years in life (which may surprise you since I’m not exactly ‘old’), and learning how to integrate all ages in living life together for the best version of life for everyone. One of the recent posts on the blog spoke to something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently which is being an adult.

Adulthood is so much more than an age or crossing a somewhat randomly established year (like 18 or 21) or milestone (like having kids or owning a home) even though that’s how we usually understand and apply the term. It’s got a lot more to do with maturity and experience, which is something that develops at different speeds and ages in each person, and as a result some people are given the title “adult” before they are willing to accept what comes along with the age and opportunity.

But going over the list of 25 principles shared on this blog post, there are some things that I hadn’t expected to see and don’t always remember to incorporate into my life as an adult. The good news is that there are more things on that list that can help you thrive and enjoy life (and adulthood more), and I dare say make you not only a better parent, but also a parent that your kids connect with better and are more open to learning from. I encourage you to read the post and work to incorporate at least one of the points into your life.

The other thing the post reminded me is that being an adult is about accepting being a work in progress. Just because we’ve been given, or even if we’ve earned, the title of “adult” it doesn’t mean that we’ve “arrived” in life. In fact, becoming an adult is only one stepping stone in our lives, one of many and a long distance from “arriving.” And if we really accept that we’re all works in progress, we learn to focus less on arriving and more on being the best person we can be in each moment of our lives, with each person we’re with, and in each situation we find ourselves in.

Seeing the Truth through the Storm

When you’ve been with someone for a long enough time you really get to know who they are as a person at their core. In decades past this would be exclusive to family and closest friends, but now it may include coworkers or bosses because of how much time (intentionally or not) we spend with them since we don’t just work with family or friends like many people used to. Who they are at their core doesn’t usually change, unless they have some big event happen in their life that is influential in causing them to change either for the positive or the negative. This could be something like a health issue or something like PTSD to change them in not-so-good ways, or it could be the birth of their child or again a health issue to force them to see life in a different way and change them in positive ways.

Of course each of us go through times that who we really are gets overtaken by hormones, fear, a dramatic change in life circumstances, tiredness or something else and we’re not who we usually are. A good example is if you’ve ever seen an overtired child acting like a crazy person when they’re usually very sweet and well behaved. It’s just not who they really are and you know that it will pass after a good night’s sleep or some extra love. But when we’re talking about adults it’s a lot harder to see the cuteness or goodness and look past the current events that are raising your blood pressure or inciting you to argue back.

As I sat down to write tonight I glanced out the window and could see the moon peeking through some fast moving clouds. It brought me back to a concept that I’ve shared about before, most often in a spiritual context. The moon (and sun) are always there even if we can’t see them because they’re hiding behind clouds. We can trust that as soon as the clouds move out we’ll be able to see the sun/moon again. And more often than not it’s hours or a day before the clouds move, not an eternity.

So the next time you’re feeling a little out of sorts because someone isn’t acting like themselves, don’t let it discourage or frustrate you to the extent that you might let it otherwise because you’ll be able to look out the nearest window and see the sun or the sky where the moon lives and be reminded that this too shall pass and they shall be back to their normal self soon. It also applies to ourselves when we’re the ones not acting normal, that this situation is momentary and we’ll be able to work through it. Choosing to love and support that person or yourself (and maybe be a little quieter than usual) will help you and them get through this passing situation with as little impact on the future as possible.

A Year of Purpose

As we stand at the end of another year and look ahead to the new one the biggest emotion I’m feeling today is thanks. I’m grateful we’ve made it this far and so many of us are still here together, and I’m grateful for all that those who have passed on have taught us and the role that they played in our lives, however short it may have been. I can remember back in 2019 looking ahead to 2020 (and feeling really sick while doing it!) and having absolutely no clue how much would go on in those few short years and the challenges we would face as a nation and a world, but really hoping for something better than the “challenging” couple of years before 2019. I didn’t get my hope for those years, but we certainly have learned a lot about our world, each other and ourselves since 2020 and this decade began. So no, I don’t have insider knowledge about what the new year ahead holds, and I’m not planning a word for the year ahead (at this time), but as I was reading a devotional which spoke to the new year ahead I was reminded that one of the best things we can do in the new year (or anytime) is to live with purpose.

What does that mean? First I think it means that we should live, period. Yes, there will be rejections and failures and you won’t get to do everything or be everything for everyone, but I think it’s time that maybe we think less about the issues and make fewer complaints and instead start working in the situations we have and go from there. In other words (to use a recent example), just because there’s a pandemic happening, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still have adventures, learn new things, do fun things, or meet new people, you just have to get creative about how you do it and exactly what those things look like.

Second, living with purpose has to do with making lots of decisions. I know, cue the groans, but in all seriousness, the more intentional you are with your decision making (which means you proactively decide things and don’t just let them slide hoping they’ll magically take care of themselves or a better answer might fall into your lap), the more likely you are to be happy with your life and the more likely you are to have a life that fulfills you and let you do what you want. When you’re active with your decision making you are the one with the power and you get to choose many more of the twists and turns that your life takes, and you’ll have more power even during those moments that are really hard or when there are many unknowns because you’re used to making decisions and have gotten really good at finding and evaluating information and understanding and trusting your gut.

Finally, I think it means that you get to know yourself really well and accept yourself for who you are. Accepting yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t make changes or that you don’t have any growing to do, because often what you come to accept is that you’re really imperfect and have lots to work on and will do so at the pace that works for you (a snail’s pace isn’t an option). Choosing to live with purpose is about making decisions that are right for you and who you are and not about what’s cool or trendy or what insert name here thinks you should do because they think you’re ruining your life living as you are (and no one else agrees with them). And a hard part of accepting ourselves sometimes is in accepting that we’re adults and have to make decisions or things will go downhill (often faster than we can imagine). So we can either choose to do it how it works for us, or we can choose to miss out on a lot of awesome life that is out there for us to live.

I’m not saying I’m hoping for a good year (of course I would love that) but I am saying I haven’t given up yet on what the year ahead could be, maybe even because of how we’ve worked through the past few years. I hope you’ll join me for a new year of decision making, being an adult, doing good in the world, and living with purpose.

Holidays for Young and Old

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about age. I’m definitely not old enough to qualify for social security or senior discounts at restaurants which is what many people would consider “old”, yet as some of those TV/movie characters would say about the age of someone they saw “yea, they were old, like 30 or 40,” so maybe I am old. Being or feeling old certainly can put a challenging spin on the holiday celebrations and shifting into holiday mode like kids do. I know how hard it can be to be child-like when you ache from head to toe, experience new and random issues with your body seemingly daily, don’t bounce back from injuries (or cookies) like you used to, can’t seem to find enough hours to do everything let alone get bored, or have so many adult responsibilities (especially those that aren’t going well or are a big challenge) that you have to work to even stay awake for the number of hours you need each day to attend to each.

Age, like so many things is about perspective, and as I was reminded recently, attitude. No, there isn’t a fountain of youth, your youthful attitude can’t turn back the hands of time, and I have yet to hear any real evidence that the Ghost of Christmas Past actually exists and can transport you back to a younger age, but I have seen time and again how much your attitude can impact and influence your age and the age that others see you as. A great example is someone I’ve shared on the blog before, Martha Stewart, as I’ve remarked several times about how shocked I was when I learned recently how old she actually is because she acts like someone who’s at least a decade if not three younger.

Why talk about this topic that so many avoid talking about during the holiday season? Because I want all of us to enjoy at least some of the holiday season, not as kids who don’t have responsibilities or don’t focus on anything but the holidays, but as adults who know how important it is for our hearts, souls bodies, and relationships to be able to let loose, enjoy life, celebrate traditions (which does not include speaking about the “good old days” with sorrow for the current ones), spend time with others, and remember that life is to be lived and enjoyed.

So dig out those holiday movies, go a little crazy with decorations (maybe even making paper chains or paper snowflakes like you used to as a kid), bake cookies (you can share them with others, you don’t have to eat them all), read some holiday stories, go places with the young people in your family like to see Santa or the Christmas tree farm or out to window shop, share with them some of the stories and experiences you had as a youngster during the holidays, and most importantly: let the holidays work their magic on you.

A Season of Beginnings

One of the things I love most about the holidays we celebrate at the end of the year is that they celebrate beginnings. Thanksgiving celebrates the beginning of things looking up with a successful harvest for settlers in the US, Hanukkah celebrates a new beginning with the temple in Jerusalem, Christmas celebrates the beginning of Jesus’ life on earth and the new toys and gifts we are gifted, even Kwanzaa has some connections with beginnings since the name was based on a Swahili phrase that means “first fruits” and celebrates a time of harvest, and of course you can’t forget New Year’s Day which is the start of a whole new calendar year.

I often reflect on the opportunity of the holiday season to also be one of new beginnings for relationships of all kinds. I know that holidays fill some people with dread because they don’t want to see family members who always cause trouble or they just don’t really have a relationship with and end up doing family functions out of obligation. In some ways I dislike the holidays because it’s the only time of the year we seem to see certain people and even if we say we’re going to do better about seeing each other, we just don’t seem to make the time at any other point of the year except the holidays. But I still see these holiday meetings as an opportunity to start good things in our relationships for the years ahead, with family members or anyone else for that matter.

So I encourage you to go into this holiday season with a willingness to begin wherever you need to. Maybe the beginning will come from celebrating traditions during the holiday season and doing better about incorporating traditions that mean a lot to you during the rest of the year. Maybe it will be about being done with the traditions you dislike (or even hate) and trying out new ones that have a lot more meaning or connection for you. Maybe it will be about beginning habits that support you now and long after people fall out of practice on their New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe it will be about beginning monthly meetings with people, which could include your significant other or kid(s), and making a point to spend time with people who matter to you all year long. Maybe your new beginning will be about taking better care of yourself all year long and making time for yourself during the other 11 months, not just treating yourself during the holidays. Maybe it will be a new beginning with faith and diving into or back into a more consistent faith practice. Maybe it will be a beginning of making time to learn from and listen to other people about who they are and about the things that matter to them, as well as about the different cultures that make up our world. Whatever you begin this holiday season, I encourage you to recognize that it doesn’t have to end on January 2 when the world moves back into “normal” life, if nothing else the spirit of it can continue with you throughout the new year. Truly let this holiday season be a beginning for you and those you love.