One of the questions you hear most frequently from police officers is “why did you run”? Sometimes there’s an understandable reason like they killed someone or stole a ton of money and don’t want to get the really long jail sentence they’re looking at. But more often than not it’s inconsequential, nonexistent, or certainly not worth the extra charges they get for running. When you hear the stories you have to shake your head, especially after you hear again and again that they would have maybe gotten a little ticket had they just pulled over and behaved.
The truth is that running rarely pays. Yet we seem to pick running as a default in many areas of our lives, not just when faced with police. We run from hard situations at work, from relationships that need work, family situations that frustrate us, and homes that need some TLC just to name a few. Yes, sometimes running is the right answer and we should run as fast as we can, for example in abusive relationships, but often we choose to run rather than put in the time and effort to fix things. And there’s nothing wrong with needing a fresh start, but it’s not a good reason for running.
Of course the best advice is to not do anything that will get you into a situation that would inspire you to run like committing a crime or letting any situation in your life get so bad you just want to throw in the towel. Sometimes we just get overwhelmed, and that’s OK. But when we’re starting to feel overwhelmed it’s time to ask for help, to stand up and accept the situation we’ve gotten ourselves into, to stop putting off dealing with the situation, to start taking actions however small to conquer the situation rather than running from it. I encourage you to choose courage today and face your life and the people in it and choose to build a better future.
The new year has arrived and we’re almost a week in! I love that we have life divided into days, months, years and lifetimes. It helps us to process better and plan both short-term and long-term goals which give us small and large victories throughout our lives. Each one is filled with a different set of opportunities for us to live and love and build relationships and be successful.
I don’t always go with a year theme, but lots of people do. I’ve seen lots of different words this year including spaciousness, time, intention, substance, experience, purpose, promise, change and clarity. This year I’ll be doing something different and not doing monthly themes for every month as I’ve done in the past, but instead going with a yearly theme. This year’s theme is going to be ‘today.’
Why ‘today’? Not because of how fast-paced our world is, but rather because I want us to take a step back and live in today, accomplish things today, appreciate today, learn from today and enjoy today. Yes, we’ll still talk about goals, planning, the future, and the bigger picture, but I want to focus on appreciating, enjoying and acting on each day.
As we’re constantly reminded of in the news each day is a gift. What you do in that day may make or break your future. It can overcome what you’ve done in the past. You can end the day satisfied with what you got done that day or feeling like it was all a waste. It may be one of your last days, will you look back and know you lived it well?
Each week, each day, we make thousands of choices in our lives. Our life is like one of those “choose your own adventure” books in which the choice you make determines what happens next. One thing may not ruin the ending, or bring us closer to success, but each choice we make does have an impact on our lives. If you make a really wrong choice you’ll end up on countless evening news stations as the talk of the day (or those crazy afternoon shows if you really mess up). But if you make a really good choice you’ll find doors opening for you and relationship possibilities you never thought could happen.
Victories in the truest sense are only accomplished when all parties win. This means we have to learn how to work together rather than fight, and do our best not to hurt others , and work hard to not hurt others to the point that they would seek justice. It only ends up setting all of our victories back further.
Why? Because as Mahatma Gandhi said: “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” If you’re so focused on getting justice for how you perceive you were wronged you’ll only bring to pass what Gandhi predicts: the whole world will end up in turmoil trying to get their wrongs played out on those that hurt them. This isn’t how we accomplish victories though. A punishment will never truly right a wrong, but it’s what we think is our best option for serving justice, and has been for centuries.
With every choice, action, or lack thereof making an impact on your future you would think more of us would do the right thing more often. It can get frustrating that we don’t see the progress, but one day we’ll realize exactly how far we’ve come and how many pages we’ve turned and we’ll either be thrilled or mad. If you were to turn the page and find that tomorrow morning your story ended, how would you feel? Choose to make this a week that gets you even a little closer to your goals.
As we head into the last month of 2017 and think about 2018, this month the topic we’ll be spending some time on is the topic of revelation. I think this is an important topic for us to consider for all aspects of our lives, past, present and future. Let’s start with what revelation means, and then we’ll talk about why we’re discussing it this month.
The dictionary says ‘revelation’ means: “the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure. Something revealed or disclosed, especially a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized. Exposure.” Sometimes when there’s a revelation it’s not really a good thing, or the revelation reveals something negative that’s been hidden, while other times when there’s a revelation it’s like the sun has finally come out after weeks of rain.
Over the past few years we’ve seen more examples of honesty and openness between people and in business. We’re doing more fact checking, asking more questions, working through the traumas and challenges of our pasts, building relationships and friendships with people who are supportive and not draining, looking for the truth, and getting really good at knowing when there’s BS around. We’re less patient with lies and partial truths and want more authentic, organic, conscious and future-sensitive choices. There’s a clear movement towards being a more “revealed” world.
What about us though? Do we want revelation? Some of us are very eager for revelation, we want to work through what’s frustrating us or holding us back, and we don’t like being where we are, or we just want to be somewhere better. Some of us aren’t in need of personal or professional revelations, but we are on board with the trend towards revelation in the world at large. And others are fighting the revelations as hard as they can, they prefer to be in the shadow world, out for only themselves and not caring about others. But I believe if we really want to leave the world a better place for the next generation, we have to be open to, and seeking out, revelations, and be open to the changes that might have to happen as a result.
What about you? Are you in need of a revelation today?
Today we’re talking about relationship success. While there are always factors that can’t be anticipated, and people do change, I believe that there are some things you can do to help your relationship be more successful than most. Here are 6 things you should consider to give your relationship a good chance at success.
Attention: does your partner get your undivided attention at least once every day or are you frequently doing more than one thing at a time while talking or being with them?
Actions: how do you behave towards them? What do the actions you take on their behalf, towards them or because of them say about you and your relationship with them?
Attitude: do you dismiss them and their feelings? Have you grown to resent them or their place in your life? Do you treat them as a burden or distraction?
Care: do you show them how you feel about them and how important they are to you? Do you make a point of doing special things for them? Do you sometimes put their needs ahead of your own?
Communication: how often do you two talk? Do you share the things that go on in your day and listen to them share about their day? Do you take minutes here and there to just text them that you love them?
Consistency: relationships aren’t made or broken in one day or one event, are you consistnetly showing your partner that you are their partner, or consistently showing them you’re not invested in the relationship?
I encourage you to take time to consider your relationship this week and take the necessary steps to evaluate and improve your relationship so that it’s fulfilling for both you and your partner and has the best chance at lasting success.
As we head towards the end of another week you may be thinking about what you can toss onto the piles on your desk or mark so that you deal with it next week and not today or tomorrow. I’m familiar with the process, everyone does it to some extent. And to some extent it’s necessary to do because there are only so many hours in a day and while you may have something sudden and time-sensitive come up today, you may not have that tomorrow and be able to deal with things from today tomorrow. The danger comes in when you never get to “tomorrow” and you keep having to put out fires and deal with emergencies today and never get to that other stuff you keep putting off.
The good news is that a portion of what you keep putting off can be handled by someone else. You can get someone else to file the papers or place/pack orders or refill supplies or input data to a spreadsheet or program or app. The bad news is, as you probably guessed, they can only do so much as they are not you. All that help is great to a point, then you have to step back in and choose or approve purchases, reply to clients, or confirm the data.
But what it comes back to is that you need to stop and realize that there’s a problem and you’re tired of seeing the problem day after day and not being able to do what you want to with or about it. Maybe it’s as simple as changing the software, program or procedure that you do things with/through. Maybe it’s creating a schedule and following it 95% of the time. Maybe it’s just hiring someone to help out a few hours a week (on either the personal or the professional side). But I believe that for many of the things that we’re putting off, there’s a simple solution that can make it much easier and much less painful to do the job and get it done quicker and with the results you’re looking for (or at the very least results which is something you didn’t have before).
If you’re struggling with the never ending search for tomorrow in your work or home, I encourage you to take an important first step before the end of the week. Maybe it’s reaching out to an organizer or coach like myself who is local to you and getting the conversation going. Maybe it’s taking 30 minutes to investigate other program/procedure options. Maybe it’s sitting down with your team and talking about who’s doing what and who would rather do what and who can help you clear things off your plate (making things easier for everyone). What will you do?
I read an inspiring quote recently that I want to share with you today. It shares a simple but challenging message, one that we talk about but aren’t always able to follow through with:
“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again.” James Altucher
Have you felt that way before? I know sometimes we force ourselves to do something and it turns out better than we expected, but other times we’re busy telling ourselves all the lies about why this has to happen or why we have to help this person or why this might be/may be/could be/should be something we should do. I get it, we’ve got pressure from society and the people around us every day trying to (and sometimes succeeding in) affecting our choices. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but other times we’re just caving.
Taking risks is part of having a healthy life and healthy self esteem. So you do need to determine if you’re hesitant because you’re worried about the risk or because deep down you know it’s not the right choice for you. This week I encourage you to take at least one risk and say no to at least one thing you feel won’t be right for you. I’d love to hear what you learn!
Today I’m writing from a friend’s kitchen. I’m seeing the inside of their house for the first time after they began a big renovation a year or so ago. As I walked through the house I looked for places and spaces that would connect me with the old house, because they built up and around the old one. Now, I don’t know all the details and do know that there were some issues that delayed the finish, but I was surprised how much of the house wasn’t done yet. Painting, area rugs and furniture I could understand, but I can’t understand the missing back splash in the kitchen, a missing shower door and temporary fixtures in a bathroom.
As we talk about health this month one of the important areas of our lives to talk about is our work lives. Whether you look at it from the perspective of owning a business or working for someone else, I would not feel good about leaving the house in the condition that it is in and calling the job complete. Yes, I would be proud of what has been accomplished so far, but not as satisfied or proud of what it could be if the job had really been completed. I’m not talking about perfection here, but about completing the entire task to the best of your ability, being able to look at what should be the finished product and be satisfied with the work I have done.
I believe it’s important to be proud of the work you do and to celebrate the work you do. Too many people don’t seem to get any recognition for a job well done, even if they were doing just what they were asked to do. But I believe all of it should be celebrated, not just the big stuff or the stuff done by the big bosses. But you can’t celebrate what isn’t complete or what isn’t done well, it’s just not right. We don’t celebrate when we get some of the cancer or beat 20% of the other teams in the league, we celebrate most when all of the cancer is gone or beat all the other teams, because we know we’ve done our best and accomplished what we set out to do. So I guess the question is are you satisfied with what you have done and what you’re doing in your life or are you dragging through the day because you don’t have any pride for what you’re doing? If you aren’t satisfied what are you going to do or think different to change that?
Do you want things to be better or are you happy with the way things are? I think on many levels there are things that we’re OK with, and I’m not talking about the kind of OK where you’re really settling. Many of us settle for things because we don’t think we can get something better or don’t know there’s something better or don’t want to do the work to get something better. If you choose to settle for something you can of course choose to change your mind and go for something better, or you can accept what you have. Neither is wrong, not all of us are filled with super-dreams and goals of being the next big whatever.
But all of us have things that we are OK with and don’t do anything about, but not because we choose to settle for less than what we could have with a little extra work or effort. Sometimes we choose the best that we can have for the time being, we choose a good option of several choices, or we make a quick decision so that we can get onto more important things. It’s not bad to choose a “good” option, sometimes choosing the “good” option is the right thing to do. Don’t feel guilty that you haven’t pursued things to their very furthest, deepest and biggest opportunity as long as you’re satisfied with what you have chosen.
Satisfaction is often the way we can tell whether we’ve settled for something or if we’re OK, or even happy, with the decision we’ve made. Are you satisfied with your life? You probably aren’t satisfied with all areas, and that’s OK. Start this week off celebrating the good things you have in your life and make a plan for which of the things you’ve settled on and want to improve and how you’re going to do that. Don’t wait until next week to find the satisfaction, peace and happiness in your life, choose to take the steps you need to this week.
Today as we finish out this month I wanted to share one last thought for Memorial Day and one last thought on creativity, too, as inspired by this quote from Robert Reich: “True patriotism isn’t cheap. It’s about taking on a fair share of the burden of keeping America going.”
Life isn’t easy. We keep asking for it to be and expecting that our requests will not only be heard but answered as well. Yes, there are things we can do to make life easier for ourselves, but there will always be challenges and obstacles we’ll face. They’re good because they help us grow and learn new things and make new connections, but they also can put a lot of stress on our lives and relationships. One of the ways to make those challenges easier is to work together. On a day like Memorial Day we’re all reminded of what it is to be a team, be part of a country, and challenged to do better.
The only way the world will improve and we’ll enjoy our lives even more is if we make a point of doing things differently. You’re familiar with the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results), it’s one that we’ve talked about before and is well known, yet there are so many people who believe it’s not insanity and keep trying the same thing.
To what distances are you willing to go for your passions and for the country you call home? Are you willing to make some small changes like trying to waste less energy and being more conscious of how you’re treating others? Are you willing to work long hours and try things that others may call crazy to share your creativity with the world? Change starts with the few and grows to the many when others see what an awesome difference the changes you’ve made have had on your life.
Are you willing to do what it takes to be great? Don’t give up because it hasn’t happened yet, keep trying things and telling others what you’re trying to do. There are people out there who believe what you believe and can be that source of encouragement you need when things get tough, and you can be an encouragement for them as well.