How you ask someone something can have a lot to do with your ability to be successful. You’ve probably heard the saying “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar,” which is often said by parents and adults to kids in respect to how they say something. You’ve probably also heard a parent say to a kid “how do you ask?” (or said it to a kid yourself) with respect to asking politely for something they want that they can’t reach or would like. I don’t think that either of these sayings means that you can’t be passionate, honest or vocal about your opinions, needs, requirements and wants. In fact I don’t think we ask for or are passionate/honest/vocal about our needs, opinions, requirements and wants as often as we should be, and even more, I think that we do ourselves a disservice so often and set ourselves up for failure when we do ask or state because of how we do so.
For example every so often someone I know will text me and ask “Are you OK?” And my reaction each and every time as I read that text is “what do they know that I don’t know?!?!” Because when you ask someone if they’re OK, it sounds like something might not be OK and they (and you) should be concerned. What if instead you were to ask “How are you?” or “What are you up to?” or “How is your day/night going?” or “I just finished x, what are you working on?” or “Thinking of you, how are things going?” Asking any of those questions instead of “Are you OK?” will not only get a more cheerful response, it will also be less stressful for the recipient too and help with keeping the relationship healthy.
Of course this brings us back to the question of how good you are at asking questions. Because you can ask as few questions as possible, you can ask surface questions, you can ask deep questions, you can ask interesting questions, and you can frequently ask many questions for clarity or engagement or connection. I know it can be tempting to avoid questions because you might not be sure you want to hear what someone has to say, but that probably means you either need to find new people to talk with or you haven’t figured out what questions to ask and how to engage them so that you aren’t overwhelmed (or bored) by them.
I know that the success journey can be challenging enough, but it’s worth it to take the extra second or two to think about what you’re asking and how you’re asking it and if there’s a way that you can ask it better so that you can get closer to the desired result faster. What are the questions that stress you out and which ones have you found help move your success journey forward the best?