How Do You Ask?

How you ask someone something can have a lot to do with your ability to be successful. You’ve probably heard the saying “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar,” which is often said by parents and adults to kids in respect to how they say something. You’ve probably also heard a parent say to a kid “how do you ask?” (or said it to a kid yourself) with respect to asking politely for something they want that they can’t reach or would like. I don’t think that either of these sayings means that you can’t be passionate, honest or vocal about your opinions, needs, requirements and wants. In fact I don’t think we ask for or are passionate/honest/vocal about our needs, opinions, requirements and wants as often as we should be, and even more, I think that we do ourselves a disservice so often and set ourselves up for failure when we do ask or state because of how we do so.

For example every so often someone I know will text me and ask “Are you OK?” And my reaction each and every time as I read that text is “what do they know that I don’t know?!?!” Because when you ask someone if they’re OK, it sounds like something might not be OK and they (and you) should be concerned. What if instead you were to ask “How are you?” or “What are you up to?” or “How is your day/night going?” or “I just finished x, what are you working on?” or “Thinking of you, how are things going?” Asking any of those questions instead of “Are you OK?” will not only get a more cheerful response, it will also be less stressful for the recipient too and help with keeping the relationship healthy.

Of course this brings us back to the question of how good you are at asking questions. Because you can ask as few questions as possible, you can ask surface questions, you can ask deep questions, you can ask interesting questions, and you can frequently ask many questions for clarity or engagement or connection. I know it can be tempting to avoid questions because you might not be sure you want to hear what someone has to say, but that probably means you either need to find new people to talk with or you haven’t figured out what questions to ask and how to engage them so that you aren’t overwhelmed (or bored) by them.

I know that the success journey can be challenging enough, but it’s worth it to take the extra second or two to think about what you’re asking and how you’re asking it and if there’s a way that you can ask it better so that you can get closer to the desired result faster. What are the questions that stress you out and which ones have you found help move your success journey forward the best?

Making Plans for Family Summers

Summer vacation has arrived for families around the US which means some hard choices have to be made about how to keep the kids occupied until school starts back up again. Growing up I enjoyed that we had a balance of structured and less structured plans, which was really appreciated after the very structured year of school. So today I thought I’d share a few recommendations if you haven’t made any plans yet or if you were just planning to do a “whatever goes” summer.

Do have the kids participate in some kind of camp. Maybe it’s a week or two at the local YMCA, maybe it’s a week of climbing camp, maybe it’s a week of art camp, maybe it’s a week or two of Vacation Bible School, maybe it’s a week of drama camp, maybe it’s a week of something more educational like a week at the museum or debate camp or a week with a group like Habitat for Humanity. One of the reasons I recommend doing a camp is because it gives your kids a chance to meet new kids, work on building new relationships, interact with people they might not otherwise meet, and learn how to work with new situations. Yes, it will be fun for them too, especially if you pick something they’re interested in, but it’s really all about the relationships and human interactions.

Second, don’t totally let education go by the wayside for the summer. I spent so many weeks at the library growing up and was thrilled that summers meant I could spend more time reading what I wanted and learning about what I wanted than what the school/education system thought we should be reading. But we also usually had homework from school to complete over the summer whether it was reading a book or filling out a math packet. While I don’t think most kids need to attend a formal summer school or be in learning mode all summer long, they should be given opportunities (aka forced) to learn something so that their learning muscles stay in good health over the summer. Yes, this could be done through a camp, or it could be working with a tutor on a topic or taking a specialized class on a topic they’re interested in, plus all of the reading they want to do.

Finally, make time for family and friends. Summer campouts, cookouts, lake/beach gatherings and outdoor movie nights are all great ways to bring together people of all ages and both give them something to do as well as create quality family/friend time. We are pretty good about getting together in the holiday season, and most families have playdates throughout the year whether for homework/project purposes or because of parent work schedules or for birthdays, but we don’t always get together as whole families or friend groups during other times of the year. Summer is a great time to get together because many people are able to take time off or get off work early or just don’t have as many commitments during the summer as they do during the school year. So making time for fun activities with multiple families is a great way to not only bring people together for fun, but also spread the cost and responsibilities around.

What summer plans do you have for and with your kids?

Unhappy Customers: Whose Fault Is It?

What’s one of the most important things to make sure happens when you’re running your business? That your customers are happy. But sometimes a customer’s unhappiness or unwillingness to shop with you again has nothing to do with you technically. During the recent Black Friday I made a purchase from a well known company and had an issue with some of the shipping because of the company they used to ship the items (not one of the big 3). I made a purchase the other day from a different company and was eagerly anticipating the “your order has shipped” email and when I got it and went to track my package I discovered that they chose to ship with the same shipping company I had mixed experiences with back in November. So immediately, from being 100% excited about getting my package, I went to significantly less excited because now I’m concerned that I’m not going to get what I ordered.

While it’s not the fault of the company that/if I don’t get my items technically, it’s the fault of the shipper for botching my package so that it’s damaged and unshippable, the trust I have in both companies is damaged by the negative experience. Big companies like the two I ordered from can’t be successful if they don’t choose to work with partners who are competent, so maybe my experience is one of the few issues this shipping company has experienced. The good news is, things turned out OK this time and my package arrived in one piece, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not hesitant about ordering from these companies again, because as you know, it takes a lot more than one good experience to rebuild trust after a bad experience.

This is just another example of how important it is to do your homework about the people and companies you choose to do business with because their competence can impact the experience your customers have with you even if they don’t know it’s not your fault but the other company’s. No, you can never fully remove the risk of being in business even when you do your due diligence on these companies because sometimes the issues aren’t always obvious and sometimes the issues don’t start until after you start working with them. Which is why it’s important to do what you can to build up the relationship you have with your customers so that if/when something not so good does happen you’ve got a better chance of making things right with the customer and you don’t lose them completely. What are the things you look for in partnerships and what are red flags to you?

Answers for Success

Sometimes in our success journeys we get lucky and things just magically fall into place without us really knowing how we got from ‘point a’ to ‘point b.’ And occasionally that’s OK because we don’t have to know everything (it’s also not possible to know everything) and sometimes we’re just thrilled that it’s over and done and we can call it a victory and move on to the next. But most of the time we either need to know why or how things work as they work or we like to look back at the victory journey and analyze what worked and what didn’t so we know what to do or not do the next time. And of course if you don’t know how or why something worked or didn’t work, how can you do the same thing again or do something different the next time?

One of the success journeys we like the best is one we can replicate time and again with similar, successful results. Why would you want to do the hard work of figuring every step and aspect out every time, right? Yes, life is full of new adventures and new success journeys, but much of our lives are repetition because we just don’t move on to all new things immediately or all the time. Which makes it so frustrating when you go looking for answers to why something worked or didn’t work and all you find are more questions or you only get basic answers back that make you more and more frustrated and confused.

So the next time you’ve got the opportunity to help explain something to someone don’t be afraid to have two answers: the simple and short one, and one with more detail and depth for those who want or need it. It may turn out that having the more in-depth answer for them may be beneficial to you as well and give you insight that may benefit you now or in the future about an aspect of your life or your own success journey. You may not be able to fix what went wrong this time, but with your honesty, even if it’s tough, you can hopefully help someone do better the next time. Also don’t let yourself get so wrapped up in the success journey you’re traveling that you forget to pay attention to the details so you can document it so that you can replicate it or share with someone else how you were able to accomplish what you did. There’s no shame in writing stuff down or keeping it in a note app on your phone. It’s not a huge sacrifice or waste of resources if you do take notes, it’s not like you’re truly duplicating the journey or doing two trial runs at the same time which would necessitate twice the amount of resources you would need. What answers would help you get closer to success today?

A Celebration of Dads Who Do the Little Things

With the celebration of Father’s Day tomorrow in the US I have been thinking a lot about the great dads I know and the ways they give to their kids. This year I’m celebrating dads who give their whole heart to their adopted kids, take time out of their day to be the one to take the kids to the doctor (again), pick up a drink or snack for their kids when they’re at the coffee shop for themselves, buy their kids something special at the grocery store because they know they like it, make something different for each kid for breakfast and dinner (those options really add up!), go on coffee/donut runs after school/work with their kids, attend the daytime school events their kids are in (even if they just stand at the back and duck out immediately after their kids perform), go on “vacations” so the kids can see places and do fun things (even if the parents need a vacation after the vacation), put down their phone and listen to the stories from school that their kids share at the dinner table, make fun ice cream sundaes for the kids, read the same books to them (again!) before bed time, and the list goes on.

The thing I kept coming back to as I thought about Father’s Day and these days over the past few days is that so many of these things are so inexpensive or take so very little of your day yet they mean so much to the kids. Yes being a dad (being a parent) is a big responsibility with a huge time commitment (no one commits to 18-60 years of anything anymore) and a huge financial commitment, and if all you can really do is commit to the time aspect and be there for everything for your kids, that’s something they will definitely remember and value when they’re adults. Because even if you can’t give them the lengthy and expensive trips to the theme parks or destinations like Paris and Australia, they won’t feel like their childhoods were lacking if you show up to everything and always are invested and interested in what goes on in their lives.

So maybe Father’s Day this year is a day of rest for you or the dad in your life, that they get that gift of being able to have some downtime. Or maybe the best gift they can get and you can give is to spend that time together as a family, because sometimes even the really invested and awesome dads who spend a ton of time with their kids just want that time to be together because they know as everyone gets older it often gets harder to get everyone together. But whether or not you’re able to be together on Father’s Day, if you’ve got a great dad in your life make sure to let them know that you’re thankful for them and for all the little and big moments they’ve spent with you.

Flying the Business Flag

June 14 in the US is Flag Day, the day that Americans around the country hang their flags on their homes and garages, stick little flags in the borders of their yard, and generally celebrate this icon of our country. Every country of the world has their own flag, along with others like states, organizations, cultures and . Some have lots of colors, some have symbols or other graphics on them, some have lots of white space, but they all mean something to that people group.

Do you know the story of the flag? I won’t get into all the little details, but the current US flag has 50 stars on it for each of the 50 states, along with 13 stripes to honor the original 13 colonies from the 1600’s and 1700’s. The colors line up with many contemporaries of the time including the British flag. It’s be edited 26 times since the original design in 1777. As far as who was involved in creating and sewing the first or original flag/flags, that story isn’t quite clear any more, but we know for certain that it was sewn by hand for many years, and that it took many years before the US was flying just one (or two) designs primarily.

As business owners there are so many things we can learn from both the US flag and other flags from around the world. Let’s start with the reason the flag exists in the first place: people like to know and show their connections and allegiances. It’s why people wear sports jerseys and clothing with logos, and why many businesses sell gear and merchandise that shares their branding on it. Second, having people hand sew the flags got them involved and personally invested in the existence of the flag. It’s a lot harder to be apathetic about something that you’ve had a hand in creating that’s displayed for all to see. Fourth, the flag shows what the country and its people stand for. Nothing in any versions of the flag was chosen at random, they were all chosen with a purpose, just like you should be choosing your branding with purpose (and not just to copy from others). Fifth, change isn’t evil even in cases like this where you would expect people to avoid it at all costs. How many businesses do you know that avoid making changes to their branding because they’re worried people won’t recognize them anymore and won’t go along with the new designs? Finally, make sure to share your business with the world. The flag wouldn’t be out there for all to see and celebrated as it is if many people at the time of its inception didn’t unify on the importance of having an icon that represented the country. Don’t be afraid of sharing who and what you are, and give people the opportunity to share what you’re all about with the world too.

Begin at the Beginning

The past few years have been an exercise in returning back to the basics in so many ways. No, we didn’t lose cornerstones of civilization like our internet or indoor plumbing, but not only did the pandemic return us back to so many basics, and now that we’re hopefully largely emerging from the most serious aspects of this event we’re back to basics again as we figure out what comes next. In some ways I appreciate being able to just focus on the small stuff and just managing to get that done and not all the complexities that we navigated before the pandemic, but in other ways it’s really frustrating to be tired after only doing the basics when we used to do so much more.

Since every success journey has to start somewhere, many of us who regularly start new success journeys have a strategy if you will on how we begin our journey. We might have a specific journaling practice that helps us start planning, start by mapping out a plan or using note cards to organize our thoughts, or a coach we work with to help clear our minds and plan our paths, or a saying we repeat or prayer we pray. It’s not about being superstitious or anything that these practices can help make our success more likely, but it helps us get into the mindset to succeed and give us an edge up on those who dive in without really thinking about anything other than the goal they want to reach.

And whether you’re lost and don’t have any clue what your plan might be or didn’t plan to be on the success journey that you’re on, there are always basics you can return to that will give you the strong foundation you need to give success your best effort. Yes, this includes the very basics like eating at least one healthy meal per day (preferably more than one), getting enough sleep, taking care of your mental health, showering regularly, doing things that make you smile, spending time outdoors, wearing clean clothes each day, and doing your best to start each week (and day) off on a good foot by being as prepared as you can be. It also means starting wherever you can whenever you can, and not letting what you can’t get to beat you up. Every success journey, every day, has to start somewhere, so begin wherever makes the most sense, is the easiest or is the most available, and appreciate each little bit that you get done. What basic successes are you thankful for?

A United States of Summer Travel

Are you traveling with family or friends this summer? I always looked forward to the fun places we went and interesting things we saw and learned about on our travels growing up, one of my favorite types of travel being road trips. Traveling by road adds a depth and context to the experience of visiting these places, something that I think gets missed if you just fly in and out and don’t really spend time seeing the context of the different unique places. Plus there are some really awesome roadside attractions and restaurants out there that you wouldn’t get to see if you weren’t driving around from place to place. And my mom added to the experience by giving us coloring and activity handouts to play with and learn from that connected with the places we were going and things we were seeing which really helped pass the time when the outside scenery wasn’t changing much for long stretches of time.

One of the many things I missed greatly during the height of the pandemic is something that’s always tied in with summer road trips for me, even though it’s something that is possible during all times of the year: the importance of having a watchful eye out for out-of-state license plates! Yes it’s exciting to play the many games people have come up with about states and plates, but what always got me excited was how it shows our connection as a country. We may not have borders between our states like there are between countries of the world, but many of us tend to stay in the states where we live (with a few exceptions of course of states that have lots of interstate interactions like Nevada/California and New York/New Jersey/Pennsylvania), so while we’re definitely not alone or isolated it’s easy to forget that it’s not just us! Seeing the many different plates as the cars go places during the summer is a reminder that we’re all part of this nation and that maybe it’s not as hard to get connected as we sometimes psych ourselves out that it is.

So this summer whether your plans include trying to spot license plates or cool roadside attractions to stop at, don’t forget to both take a break and reconnect with people that you know and new people too. Take time to explore outside the borders you’re usually within and see what other people experience on a daily basis. Go someplace new and try something different. Take time to meet new people and learn their story or just learn about the connections that tie you all together. And if you are a regular traveler, slow down occasionally and really take in the world around you, don’t let yourself become jaded or see it as just “another city in another place” because I’ve found that there’s something to be found or seen everywhere you go. What will you see this summer?

Don’t Let Your Story Get Lost

The other day I was watching a documentary on one of my favorite topics, ancient Egyptians. This documentary focused on one of their contemporaries to the south: the Kushites. If you’re familiar with ancient history or ancient Egyptians, the Kushites are a people group that you would be familiar with by name, but probably not with the degree that you could really say much about them, and part of the reason for that is because of how wrapped up in the history of the Egyptians their history is, and therefore how many assumptions have been made or things overlooked until only recently. Of course for historians and archaeologists that means something incredible as this documentary revealed: their cities and buildings weren’t necessarily as subject to destruction or looting as many of their Egyptian counterparts were (although they have been vulnerable to the fighting in Sudan over the past decades to an extent), which means that it’s possible to find many more artifacts in situ than in many locations in Egypt.

What does any of this have to do with business? Of course first and foremost it’s a reminder that everyone has a story, even if that story isn’t told often or in detail. Second, how easy it is for your story to get lost compared to the stories of others who are much bigger than you are and therefore have more resources to dedicate to not only preserving that story but also getting it out into the world. Third, don’t discount anyone’s story, including your own, because it could be absolutely incredible (the ruins that are left from the Kushites are spectacular and breathtaking in ways that you don’t see throughout all of the Egyptian sites). Fourth, be proud of the story you have! Finally, share your story when you’re given the opportunity.

As they reminded in the documentary every story is worth finding and telling the truth about because each story matters. You and your story may not impact or relate to millions of people like some stories and people/companies do, but your story matters to the people who it’s meant to matter to. The work you do is very important to the people who love your products and services. It doesn’t matter to them that you’re not the big guy on campus, what matters is that the work you do is done with heart and commitment to your people. Don’t discount your story because it could be a very important building block in the story of a people group or the world. What are some of the things you’re proud of in your (hi)story?

Crisis Averted?

I’ve been contemplating a phrase I read last week shared in the context blurb of a news headline. The phrase? “Self imposed crisis.” Yea, they’re not fun words, they’re words that we prefer to shove into a corner and not talk about but the unfortunate fact is that we are sometimes to blame for the situations we find ourselves in. To use the phrase: we’ve created our own crisis. How do you know you might be heading into this dangerous territory? You may find yourself saying frequently “the recommended timeframe is more of a guideline than something you actually have to follow” or “we’ve always done it that way and it’s been fine, usually.” Or you may have people ask you “are you sure you know what you’re doing?” or “is that how you’re supposed to do it?” or maybe even “do you think you need to slow down a bit?”

Yes, we all say and hear those things from time to time, and we don’t always have an issue when we push our luck. But it’s very rare that we get to catastrophic failure, complete loss or irreversible consequences without being able to point out multiple signs and indications that the decisions we’re making along the way mean that we just might not end up the way we want them to or where we want to, including feedback from others. And of course there’s almost something worse than that: ignoring or bypassing on the opportunities to fix things before they get that bad. You can look at buildings that have collapsed, deadly train or bus crashes, or even (ancient) civilizations that have collapsed, and in many of the situations there will be known, reported, issues that no one did anything about.

There are so many reasons why it pays to deal with the red flags as they pop up rather than to ignore them or to disregard true wisdom that comes your way. When you fix issues as they pop up you’ll end up with a more complete victory that you can really celebrate and be proud of your work. It also means that you’ve completed a success journey that you can be truly confident in, and not have to worry about issues cropping up days or weeks from now that you’ll have to go back and fix. And of course it means you can rest easy in knowing that you aren’t putting yourself, anyone you love or anyone else in harms way, and won’t have to deal with the resulting blame and guilt. What are the big red flags that warn you to slow down and make changes during your success journeys?