A Family That Explores Together…

Recently I was talking with someone about a public figure who had appeared in the news for not-so-great reasons and while they weren’t making fun of the person, I could tell they definitely didn’t think very highly of them. So I jokingly said that the public figure must have followed the old saying ‘go big or go home,’ which the other person I was chatting with thought was hilarious. But in the weeks since that conversation I’ve been thinking more about what it means to “go big” and that we should dig in and dig deeper more often in our lives. Yes, status quo and consistency and maintaining is great (certainly better than loss or any of its relatives), yes it’s fun to sprinkle in some brief changes and challenges from time to time to keep us on our toes and keep the boredom away, but there’s so much more depth and magic to life that we can miss out on if we aren’t intentional about letting those experiences into our lives from time to time.

For example I love dogs and know they’re amazing animals, but if you never go to a zoo, if you never watch nature documentaries, if you never take any time to learn about the other creatures that we share this planet with, you’re missing out on a ton of creative, unique, smart, beautiful and dedicated animals. I’m not saying you have to become an animal expert, or an expert on any (or every!) topic out there, because that’s just not possible. But what I am saying is that it’s important to remind yourself, and teach your kids, that there’s a wide world out there that deserves respect (because some of it is really powerful and dangerous) and exploring and enjoying it should be a regular part of your lives.

As we immerse ourselves in the season of Autumn, I’m reminded that it’s a great time to do some exploring locally and discover some of the cool things that are in your local area (or state) because of the change in weather and schedules. Maybe you want to take on something you’ve always been curious about or something that’s a bit of a local mystery. Maybe you want to try something that’s a little scary or intimidating to you like doing an overnight hike or learning SCUBA or to learn metalworking. The younger you can start your kids on getting them excited about this world that we all share, the better. Why? Because some of the most intelligent people I know are those who are the most curious and continue to explore and learn about this world that we all share, and the early experiences they had as a child learning and exploring are where it all started for them.

What fun adventures will you go on this autumn and what part of the world have you been exploring that’s really opened your eyes recently?

A Little Respect for Learning

The start of a new school year always brings up a ton of emotions, lots of change, new and different responsibilities and new people. Even for the parents, there are new people and new experiences and new challenges. As I was watching a DIY tv show the other day the homeowner said that one of the biggest lessons they got out of the whole project was the amount of respect that needed to be given to a project of that type and scale. And it got me thinking about how this time of year is really one big lesson in respecting boundaries, respecting whatever emotions people feel, whatever space they need to adjust, and the support to navigate to this new stage in their life. And this respect needs to be for others as they navigate as well as yourself as you navigate too!

If we start with the understanding that it is a challenging season, and we accept it for what it is, rather than fighting it and being miserable about it, it will be a lot easier to find the ways that work for us, accept the support and help we need and get to enjoy at least some of the month of September, and just as important, we’ll hopefully set ourselves up for success for the entire rest of the school year. I don’t know about you, but as a kid I would have loved to get to June and not only be incredibly thankful that I made it and it was finally done, but that the school year really helped me grow and learn as a person with lessons that I felt confident and positive about taking into the future.

So where do we begin? First I think it begins with being open to trying something different. Yes, you’ve “done school” before, but with each new year you’re learning new things and with different people and have different teachers, and I know from my years of schooling and the learning I’ve done since then that there’s almost always more than one way, if not several ways, to do something. Take a simple math problem like ways to get to the number 10: you could add 5+5, you could subtract 10 from 20, you could multiply 5×2, you could divide 100 by 10. All gets you to the same result but there are reasons to do each of them. Sometimes it’s easier to do things one way and other times it’s easier to do it a different way, and you don’t know what options you have until you’ve been given the opportunity to learn all the different ways you can do it.

Second, it begins with something that is so quintessential classroom and school: remembering that you’re not alone in this journey. I’m thankful that most of my teachers were always open to hearing our questions and helping us understand or work through what we didn’t understand. The good news is that even if the teachers in your life or your kid’s lives aren’t the kind to help you/them through things, there are tons of tutors, coaches, consultants and even parents, grandparents and siblings who can step up and help get you and them to a place where you’re not only comfortable but confident too.

Finally, the answer is always patience. I think we do ourselves a disservice often by wrapping education and learning into the tests and finals and months that we do because it segments things in ways that don’t really help us build on what we’ve learned or understand the connections, or do anything but feel overwhelmed with all we’re trying to learn and process at the same time. So a big key to having a successful school year, or any successful learning endeavor, is to be patient with yourself and others who are involved. Part of that patience is about communication and learning how to express what you don’t understand or what you’re struggling with, as well as communicating the information or perspective in different ways that might help the other person learn or understand better.

Yes, learning is a necessary part of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be the necessary evil that it sometimes turns out to be. As you navigate this new school year with your kids, or maybe a new school year for yourself, or just a new learning opportunity that has come your way, I encourage you to have a healthy respect for the time, work, effort and end result that you hope to achieve.

Keys to Communication: Spelling and Grammar

It’s summer and summer for many kids means being free of school, although I see it as an opportunity for different types of education and experiences that kids can’t get in the traditional classroom. As you may know, I’m not in love with all aspects of traditional education as it currently stands, but I do think we need something with a structure to help educate our kids about certain things. One of those important aspects even in 2022 with all our digital technology tools is spelling and grammar.

It may surprise you given how much writing I do, but I don’t completely freak out over the occasional spelling mistake that I get in newsletters or emails, especially if it’s not a frequent happening from that person (there’s even one newsletter I subscribe to that consistently (read: every time) shows up with spelling and grammar issues, but it’s part of the appeal and definitely doesn’t detract from the stories that are shared). I get that we sometimes make mistakes and sometimes the words sneak in there without us catching them, and sometimes we think we clicked the spell change for the word but for some reason it didn’t take, which is why I don’t completely get upset about it. But I absolutely notice it, and so do so many other people (including too many who jump down people’s throats over it).

Why do people make a big deal over it? Because it is such a simple thing that makes such a big impact. I recently read a set of documents someone received from a well-known organization which had multiple grammar and spelling issues in each document. We’re talking a really big organization that one would assume is professional and yet not only was the content an issue the details were. Spell check is a support, a tool, but it does not replace the ability to have basic spelling and grammar skills.

So how can we make this better going forward? One of the things I think has helped me with my skills is my love of reading. So over the summer and even during the school year encourage your kids to pick up all the books, work with them on their spelling words, encourage them to do well on the writings they do for school, and expose them to lots of adult conversation (including history and science TV shows) so that they can pick up what educated conversations sound like. Also encourage them to take their time with polishing their work. I know it’s so tempting to get to the point of being done, but that last polish, that spell check, that second (or third) read through, can make all the difference. It’s not about perfection, but about putting your best effort forward and having that attitude towards the work you put out into the world. Think about polishing your words like the cookies you make for the December holidays: sure they’re tasty without any toppings or decorations, but when you add them, the cookies are much tastier or special. What has helped you with your spelling and grammar and do you encourage your kids in this area?

Can We Still Dream about the Future?

You’ve heard the saying “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it” right? I think for many years we were under the assumption that things in our world weren’t broke, but then the pandemic came along and then the economic issues came along and both revealed exactly how much was broken or how easily things in our world could break and leave us with a huge mess and few resources to clean up the mess. The logical and business sides of me say that this is exactly why we shouldn’t go back to “life as it was” in 2019 and earlier, because we were practically running around using miles of duct tape to hold our lives and world together and now we’re paying the consequences and therefore we need to stop using duct tape and start doing things right. But the parts of me that are human and compassionate are having a much harder time with where we’ve ended up as a world at this time.

One of the topics that got me started exploring this whole discussion again are the kids who are in high school and looking ahead to college and would be using their summer vacation for college visits and planning their futures. But the past two and a half years haven’t given them a whole lot of confidence and security in the future, haven’t put them in close proximity with guidance counselors, and haven’t given them the freedom to explore who they really are and who they might want to grow to be as an adult. So I can understand why some of them are struggling so much with what the future holds for them, and not anticipating it with more excitement and hope as I remember myself and my friends feeling when we were at their age.

But it doesn’t end with the teens not having the usual foundation for the future that so many of us experienced at their age, it affects us adults as well who are naturally concerned about their future prospects and not wanting them to struggle through life with so much uncertainty that doesn’t seem very typical/normal/healthy for the advanced civilization that we live in. So part of the message is to be as strong and supportive of them as you can. Don’t berate them for their lack of confidence and direction in the future, choose to support them and encourage them to explore and plan as best they can. Second, remember that in this day and age very few people have lifetime careers, and most change jobs and even industries several times throughout their working years. So they don’t have to get it “right” the first time, they just have to find something that will give them a place to start and hopefully a foundation to build on. Maybe that means taking the basic classes at a local/online community college and working a job or a couple of jobs to get experience and try things out before they make a decision about more formal education. Finally, if you’ve been doing your job as a responsible adult in their life right you have given them the tools, knowledge and wisdom to trust themselves and have a solid foundation to work with regardless of what their future might hold.

Yes, this season in our lives will forever shape and change the kids of the world and how they see the world and the future. But that doesn’t mean that we should give up on a better future for them, and we should encourage them to dream and find at least some interest in what the future could hold for them. Also, I’d say the same holds true for us: we shouldn’t give up on our futures either, and instead we should keep working just as hard as we always have to create a future for the next generations that we’re proud to leave them.

No Excuse Not to Be Informed

I was talking with a friend who is going to be doing a little traveling in the coming months and we were talking about how they were looking to fill some time in between friends they had committed to visit and got to talking about what we didn’t learn in history class over the years about US history and different parts of the US, possibly because it’s not where we lived during history class. Of course some of this learning was done before computers or before the internet was the resource of information that it is today which is a huge difference between not only education today but also our ability to say “I don’t know.”

As I’ve shared many times before I don’t believe it’s necessary to know everything or be everything to everyone, but when with a few clicks of the mouse or pushing of a few keys you can get answers to questions like if a product is simply out of stock or is discontinued, how to do a cooking technique (rather than limiting your food choices), what a world leader or legendary transformative figure is doing now, what a word means, or skill lessons to improve your chances of getting hired, why wouldn’t you? If there’s a major event or conflict or leadership change happening somewhere in your area, your country or the world, why wouldn’t you take a minute and do a quick internet search to find some answers so that you’re aware of what’s going on and who’s involved?

Does it matter if you’ve got an awareness and working knowledge on what’s going on around the world and in your area? Yes, I think it does. Just like we’ve seen over the last two years with the pandemic, it’s more likely that many or all parts of the world will be affected by something than an event or change will be isolated to affect only one area because we’re truly a global world now, not a world made up of different and separate countries; we’re all connected. Again, I don’t think we need to be experts or be able to write books or create lectures on every topic, but we should have knowledge of what’s going on because it’s so easy to become informed.

Encourage your kids to search for answers to their questions, do your own searches, commit to exploring our world and learning about the world that we all share and don’t pretend that something won’t affect you or someone you love in some way. ‘Ignorance is bliss’ is a well-known statement, and while you may experience bliss for a time because you don’t know something, it’s better to be informed before something upends your world than trying to play catch-up while also dealing with the changes and potential fallout. How do you stay informed about what’s going on in the world and in your work industries?

Making Courageous Career and Education Choices

I know a couple of high schoolers who are contemplating what comes next for them as they’re at the age to choose colleges or do something else after they graduate. There is a part of us as adults that wants to or does encourage them towards careers that we know will be reliable sources of income for them, but there’s also a part of us that encourages them to choose what they think will make them happy at least most of the time. Which once again brings us to the opportunity to do our very best in raising them so that we’ve helped them learn or experience as much as possible that will help set them up for success regardless of which path they choose now or in the future.

In many ways I wish we were a little more future-oriented when we all have the conversations about college, and maybe that’s part of what the future looks like: that we do college level schooling more like a graduate or masters degree which typically takes only two years instead of four or five initially, and then years down the road when we’re ready to pursue a different passion or we’ve finally developed and experienced enough to know who we are, we take two more years of schooling.

I like this idea for many reasons: it reinforces the importance of continuing education, it makes acceptable (and even encourages) the changes that we go through in life, and puts less pressure on us when we finish our initial years of schooling to be absolutely right about our next steps in life. Of course, there are some of us who just know right off the bat what we’re supposed to do with our careers and that’s a different set of challenges, but takes courage at that time all the same.

Whatever path they choose they’ll need courage as they step out into a world they’ve never experienced before, one that will keep changing and growing, and hopefully they’ll stay curious and courageous as they navigate it. It’s up to each of us to display the same courage and curiosity when it comes to our lives and our futures. The good news is that even though each of us has to be courageous on our own, everyone in our lives can step up and support us through our courageousness whether it’s words of encouragement, connections, resources, sharing our similar experiences, or moral support. And maybe, when one of us chooses to be courageous, others will be similarly inspired to be courageous when it comes to the careers we choose as well.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” e.e. cummings

Back to Success Basics

This year has forced so many important conversations that many of us have avoided. There have been conversations about how to handle international events like this pandemic, how we got to where we are (in a negative context), what “essential” really means, how economics work and how we can avoid having such a significant portion of people around the US negatively impacted without viable options or good plans, and how to better protect our futures and supply chains.

But one of the biggest things we’ve experienced this year is going back to basics. This is something I talk about often, and in one of the newsletters I read the woman was talking about college educations and education in general and what’s really important and what we really use. All of these are things that I debate on a regular basis personally, because I don’t know that I really get a whole lot of benefit from my college education (other than a piece of paper that says I graduated). Maybe it would be different if I wasn’t someone who liked to read and learn on my own time, and didn’t regularly visit the library, read lots of educational blogs and emails and watch educational content on TV.

But time and again I’m learning that what is really required when it comes to success is communication, effort, teamwork and a willingness to learn. Things like reading, basic math skills, and general health and nutrition knowledge are also important, but most of us don’t need the advanced or detailed knowledge that doctors, lawyers or scientists do.

So if you’ve been challenged by success this year, I encourage you to go back to basics. Do research, read books and listen to audios on topics that interest you and you think or know you can make a living through. Make an effort to improve your relationships and build your network so that you not only feel more confident when you are approaching someone for a potential sale, but you’re also better connected and can both support others and have them support your success. Work on your communication skills so that you’re more confident, more eloquent, as well as able to get to the point as quick or with as much detail as possible. Limit your number of projects so that you can give solid effort and focus to what you’re working on. And make a more consistent effort to support both the physical community and virtual communities that you find yourself in. What success basics have helped you this year?

Learning Beyond School

The kids are back in school, and even if school is looking a little (or a lot) different this year, it’s important for kids to have education that helps them establish a solid foundation for whatever opportunities life gives them and the challenges it throws at them as well. One of the biggest challenges to school is finding a balance between teaching the basics that everyone needs to know and still keeping each individual child interested and growing and help them find a path that works for them and their future. I don’t know if it’s possible to customize it quite like that, although with the different schooling options that are being used this year for safety reasons do give me hope that someday maybe we’ll be able to have kids who start early and kids who start at (in my opinion) a much more reasonable hour.

But regardless of what happens in the school building or during the school day, parents always need help with keeping their kids occupied, exposing them to new and different things and giving them opportunities to choose their own path. So today I thought I’d share a few ideas that are educational and can be done at home or part of the school day to broaden horizons beyond history, math and reading.

I think history is an important part of our lives, but it’s not always presented in ways that we appreciate or connect with, nor do we cover the true diversity that makes up history in class typically either. So one way to expand horizons and provide something else for the kids to do or research is a “this day in history” moment. Whether you just talk about one thing that happened on that day in history, make the kids research it and write up a note card on it or draw a relevant picture or watch a relevant movie/clip/TV episode on it, not only are you keeping them busy, you’re helping them discover more about this planet we all share too.

Another way to keep the kids entertained are the unique, special and random holidays celebrated throughout the year like pizza pie day, indoor plant week, read a book day, teddy bear day and more, not to mention all the different cultural, religious and traditional holidays/days too. With each of these days you have a ready-made craft project, cooking idea, place to visit (garden centers, zoo, local park etc.), journal/essay topic, or drawing idea to occupy time and educate your kids with some sometimes random but often helpful skills and imaginative ideas.

Finally, we all do enjoy screen time, so why not encourage them to check out the live streams that zoos and other organizations have like explore and see different parts of the world without ever leaving home like panda bears in China, belugas in the Canadian arctic, African wildlife in African preserves, dogs being born, live big cat surgeries, sun rises and sun sets in breathtaking places, and all kinds of sea creatures interacting? Especially in a time when exploring and traveling is limited or impossible, these cameras give everyone an opportunity to see parts of the world they’ve never seen, might never see, and might end up developing a life-long passion for and be able to positively change the world for both nature and the humans who share it.

What are your go-to sources for learning and keeping kids busy?

Who Matters?

Another school year has begun for most students around the US. It always brings up mixed emotions for me because I know that it is important to get an education and learn, yet growing up and being in the presence of others can be incredibly challenging and even painful. I hate that we learn at an early age what a bully is, that some kids only feel comfortable expressing themselves in overly aggressive ways, that we learn to pick sides and pick on others, that some kids never learn to get along and only get worse as they grow up, and most of all that some adults do their best to crush the hearts and minds of kids thinking it will prepare them for life.

As I was reading a book with some wisdom from Thich Nhat Han, he talked about how we all change as we grow, that we’re not the same person at 33 as we are at 83 and yet we are. But the quote that really got my attention was said as part of a discussion on death and life after death: “something can never become nothing.” I wish more parents were able to give their kids the confidence of how important they are, how valuable they are, how they matter, how they absolutely have a role to play in this world, and that the world is and can be a better place because they are alive in it. I wish more kids knew that they are not nothing, that they can amount to something good, that they should follow their dreams, that they should be passionate about whatever interests them, and that no one has the right to look down on them because of how they look, act, talk, think or the amount of money they have. I wish there was a class on all of this so that not only would kids be stronger as kids, they would be stronger as adults.

Everyone has the potential to be something, and school is supposed to help us develop that. For some it’s an incredibly painful experience with other kids, for some it’s a painful experience because of the adults, and everyone has at least a couple of cringe-worthy moments that may go with them throughout their lives. There are a lot of layers to this discussion, but I do know that one of the best places for this to start is at home encouraging and supporting kids as they grow and develop. We can’t fix the experience for everyone, but I believe we can do a better job of making sure that everyone knows they matter and are capable of so much. What helped you most as you were growing with this issue and how are you helping your kids?

What Are We Teaching?

There are tons of questions about what the future holds right now, especially for educating the next generation (and even some of the adults interested in furthering their formal education), thanks to the virus. If you’ve been reading along for a while now you probably know that I’m not the biggest fan of the current system we have, or maybe I should say the specifics that they’re required to teach. I think the concept of having kids come together to learn for set amounts of time is a good one, for many reasons including because it does typically work with the need for many parents to be out of the house at work, but more importantly because it should teach them many of the essential interpersonal skills they need when they’re adults.

But with all the questions being raised about the safety of crowds and large gatherings like school classrooms and the number of parents who say that they absolutely aren’t capable of really helping their kids learn this stuff, even though they’ve all been through it, I think it’s beyond time that we really sat down and talked about what had to change in the education world (especially with schools charging the same fees for not doing all the work or providing the same experience as in person). I think parents are right to be questioning the value of what their kids are learning both from an at-home/in school basis and in subject matter and with regards to finances too (paying teachers a fair rate and how much school costs for what’s provided especially if the students are at home).

This week two things that relate to this topic have been happening, first that I’ve been listening to an online seminar about wealth, and second that I’ve been hearing from some people about how challenged they’ve been lately by people. It got me thinking about what we’re really teaching our kids and what we need to be teaching them (and as part of that what you can teach them or make sure they’re learning even if you can’t teach them math and history well). So what do kids need to learn? They need to learn things like honesty, openness, communication, literacy, finances, interpersonal relationships, nutrition, basic health practices, consideration for others, hard work, and curiosity. You don’t have to be good at all those things, you can learn together, and there are many ways including TV shows and teachers/experts that can help you help them establish a strong foundation to build on in whatever ways they do in the future.

You can’t force your kids to become lawyers or doctors because it’s the “best future” for them according to all the experts, nor should your dream for them necessarily be the dream they pursue. Not only will you be prouder of them, I know they’ll be better set for success and they’ll do more to make the world a better place, if you instead help ingrain in them these values. What are you working on teaching your kids or learning with them so far this summer?